The New Trio of Terror or the Dumbest Duo in the West?: The OLTL/GH Saga Continues

I wasn't even going to acknowledge this much more as I find it ludicrous, but I'm in between classes, have graded all my work, can't find anyone to talk to, and have two hours to kill. So, What the Hell, why not rag on actors for a while? I'm due for it, anyway.

Here goes.  I don't care what happens to the Easton/Alderson/Howarths of the world. I'm not that interested. I'm more interested in trying to get King of all Prick Bastards, Antonin Scalia, unseated, as well that Uncle Tom Piece of Shit, Clarence Thomas. Don't start me on the shenanigans in the Supreme Court! That's not fun. I miss Thurgood Marshall. But, he's dead. Yet some of the best people are dead.....

But I digress.

At any rate, I don't care if these people are out of work or not, really. I don't care about GH surviving or not. Because, like all AMC/OLTL fangurls, I bear a deep resentment for GH as they were saved when the superior shows were murdered, but I don't really care. In fact, I prefer to let it go out as the moronic piece of crap it is under Nimnuts more than anything else. That seems fitting. It's like getting put on Death Row and having to take appeal after appeal being denied and you're being starved slowly of hope. I like that.  In the end, when you're finally put to death, you're the shell of what you were.

I like that.  But I don't care what happens because, well, I think I know.  Anyone who thinks Howarth ain't running back to OLTL forever is not watching him or paying attention. I swear I've seen him laugh at his "love interest" when he's supposed to be genuine. I swear I saw him look at his watch when she's being sincere and gentle. I swear I saw him call his agent when he was supposedly in serious scenes to get his ass out of there ASAP! But, maybe he's not. If he does go back to GH for good, sobeit. Good for him. Let him rot. I do know TODD'S going back to Llanview after the alleged jaunt back to GH. That's all I care about.

But I don't think that's happening. I think he's running as fast as his little, well pedicured feet can take him back to New York. I'll be honest. I don't know if his feet are little or well pedicured because I'm not interested.

But I digress.

Yet I have noticed that Howarth has looked as if he smells something really bad in most of his GH scenes. He looks as if he's wondering where it's coming from and he's confused. But he smells it and it's really bad. He checks out others to see if it's them, then, with a sudden reaction, he realized it was everywhere. He looked nauseous last time I saw him.  

What's he smelling?, I thought. Is Craft Services serving Liver?  Excuse the pun! What is it that he can't abide?  Then, the other day, I got it.  IT'S THE STINK OF THE LOSER!!! He's smelling the Stink of the Loser and he's noticing that it may now be on him. He better get away and air out or it will be with him forever.  Thank God he noticed when he did. Or he'd be infected with that stench for life!!

Run, Roger, Run! Run fast or you'll be sprayed by the Pepe Le GH and be stuck there forever. It's so bad only those with the Stink can bear to smell it. You'll be doomed. You'll never make it, Paddlefoot! Guess he's  not a full loser yet, huh, as he can still smell it around him. He's like the cat who got in the paint in the WB cartoons with Pepe LePew.  GH and Ms.Wright are Pepe, trying to woo him and he's cornered. In panic, he runs as he needs to get away, forever! Save me, Prospect Park. Save me and what's left of my career!!

I suppose that's why he jumped when PP called. That and he probably can't bear to be away from his bestest galpal and Member of the Mutual Admiration Society, the Empress Erika.  Those two have been in love since Todd met Niki in that airport bar and she hit on him.

EEWWW but now, it's rather sweet. I swear I saw them fall in love in that creepy scene. He recoiled there, as he does with Ms. Wright, but in the "right" way. How about some more? Just for fun and because there's so much more to look forward to! Yeah Todd and Viki!!

Not Howarth recoiling, but Todd. With Ms. Wright, it's Howarth and all kinds of wrong.

But, again, I digress.

It's rather touching how his love affair with ES  manifests itself.  And it makes me like him personally. How can I not like someone Slezak crushes on? She's the female David Canary. I must do as she says!!She's a soap God and we are all her little peons, happily doing her bidding.

But, know who is fully indoctrinated into Loserdom? Guess. It's a small one but a big one at the same time. Yes, we knew her, we loved her, but we can live without her, Little Ms. Alderson.

Now, I loved lil Starr as much as anyone when she was the Psycho Brat from Hell but let's be honest, that was a long time ago. This chick- not my type. And the actress needs to use social media for her little friends and not the general public. What's cute for a 20 year old is tacky to the older folk. Really, Honey, I spend my life with 20 year olds. I've known more than you can count.

What happens with 20 year olds needs to stay with 20 year olds.

I don't need to see that. I was that and I looked as moronic as you do. But I'm not opening myself up to the public to judge me. Really, Hon, less is more. A lot less.  Thank God there was no Facebook in the '80s. I'd have been all over the internet doing "OZZY" with one hand as I placed an arm around a random man, a drink and a cigarette in another hand, and had really red eyes all the time, and not from the camera.

Not even a little pretty. What else was there to do in East Central Illinois? So many fraternity parties, so little time.

But, again, I digress.

So, Alderson is fully infected with the Stink of the Loser. She can't let go. That's too bad. Now, this isn't official, but I see it that she doesn't want to go back as Howarth does. If it were temporary, as some say, she'd do it in a minute, I'm sure. It would be a moment in her life and then back to LA.

 But she's not. That makes me think it's NOT temporary. It's permanent. Otherwise, why the fuss? Yeah, that's it. That makes sense. The "going for the launch" is crap and this is for good. Yeah, that makes sense. Lil Krissie is happy with the Losers now and if she heads back, the others will smell how bad she is. Yup. That's it. That's the ticket.......

So Lil Ms. A will stay. Now, Starr, that's another story. I got an A in Intellectual Property. I get copyrights. I wrote about them in a book. I know this shit. Starr's leaving but Ms. Thang ain't. I see. And it makes Howarth's alleged GH "return" make more sense, too. He'll finish up his moment in Loserville and run. I get it. Even Losers get contracts. 

Good luck, Ms. Thang. I hope it works for you. Seriously. I don't care. Stay, go, don't care. I loved her as a kid, now.....not so much. I pretty much think all 20 year olds are the same. Unless they share a gene pool with me, I'm not that interested. I did just have a 20 year old cry to me and call me insensitive. I stared at her. Maybe I am. Oh, well! She didn't share a gene pool with me and I had better things to do.

Sorry, again, I digressed.

Next  topic?

Isn't he cute? I don't care what Easton does as I like Easton. I like to think he has a natural immunity to the Stink of the Loser. Yeah, I'll think that. He's immune. That's it. Alderson- she's young and maybe she can go through recovery. But I doubt it. Easton- he's immune. Yeah, that's the ticket.

He seems like a nice guy and, in real life, he looks cute and charming. I really like him even though I don't know much about him. The few things I've heard and articles I've seen, he seems like a doll. I wish him well. It isn't like John is a major, core character on OLTL. I'm sure he'll be gone, too, but it's irrelevant to me.  He's fine and I loves me some Bo and John bonding, but I can lose it and not lose sleep. I'm fine with that.  Have at it, Easton, and best to you and your family. GH is a loser but if that's what you want, best of luck. Use your natural immunity to the best of your ability.

Again, John may be leaving but Easton, stay, leave, don't care. It's immaterial to me. I liked Nat better without John.  So, that's my take. And as much interest as I can muster up about it. Which is not much apparently.

Easton and Alderson stay in LA. Howarth OUT!! I can live with that. Or not. I wonder if we can work this for the Supreme Court? If we send the Stink of the Loser there- will Scalia catch it and be shunned, retiring in disgrace? Oh, that's good. I have to go. I have calls to make.....

It's Back, Bitches: AMC Rises From the Dead!

Okay, I feel like a complete loser that I cry over a TV show. Not the content, mind you, that's fine, but the show itself. But when AMC was cancelled, I cried like a baby. I still cry thinking about it. I'm trying not to cry right now. But, with the hideous Shakespearean tragedy my life has become, that's not hard. My cousins and I cry at the drop of hat and we were always kind of sarcastic, hardass broads. Yet finally, I can cry over something happy.

AMC is back, Baby, and almost everyone I love is coming with it.

Not only is my boyfriend, Dr. Dave, Master of Time, Space, and Dimension, coming over but almost every other person of quality. I'll use character names because, come on, you know who they are! It's Angie, Jesse, Brooke, and....omg....wait for it.

ADAM!!! Yeah, I said it- Adam Fucking Chandler. I saw a picture of him in the studio this week and screamed out loud. Right out loud, like a silly fangurl which I have to admit, I am.  There he was- King of the Fucking Soap Opera Universe- David Canary.  And Brooke?  OMG, yeah, that'll make a girl cry.

You see AMC speaks to so much more to me than a TV show and I've gone over that so much I'm bored with it. It's the show I watched in the high chair. It's the show I watched when I went to preschool and junior high and college and grad school. It's the show I lost track of and now that I lost it, I can't believe I didn't hold on for dear life. I miss it like a great friend who was pulled away from you, but then moves back. And I couldn't be happier.

Well, I could. I could be happier if I had Tad and  Jake. That would make me decidedly happier. But, I'm not THAT selfish. I loved Tad since he walked in the door and started nailing Liza and her mother. I loved Tad when he was Ted Orsini- well, maybe not, but I love him.

My  favorite Tad memory has nothing to do with Tad. At University of Illinios-Urbana, 1985, Bromley Hall, there was a guy who looked a lot like Tad. Soaps were huge at the time and my friend, Stacy, would harass this poor guy mercilessly. She called him "Tad" to his face- as we didn't know his name and, well, didn't care. She'd sit in the cafeteria and wait for him to walk by and then discuss "his" behavior recently. She'd say "Tad, how could you have done that to Hilary?" and so forth. She'd outstretch her coffee cup and say "Here's to you, Tad!" I cracked up. The guy thought she was a lunatic and a bit of a stalker, which I guess she was, but I found it hysterical. She left school shortly thereafter. Don't know what happened to her but, I suppose, I don't care. She amused me at that moment and I appreciate that. We wish her well in further endeavors.

But I'll miss Tad. Although I love him enough to give MEK his time and wish him the best, I'll wait patiently. He's earned it. Besides, I know he'll be back! Tad always comes home. Dr. Joe needs him. You see, all parents need their children and all children, even as adults, still need their parents. Siblings may move on from one another and betray each other, but in the perfect world, parents are a constant. I can't wait to see Dr. Joe. I think I'll melt down right then and there. I'll applaud like a schoolgirl when I see Todd and Viki but Dr. Joe will make me a chocolatey mess.

At any rate, I hear Lucci is going on The View on Monday and I have to make sure I'm at the Nursing Home in time to see it. It will be odd. I visit my mother and my aunt in the Memory Unit before class on Monday and hearing about AMC returning with them will be bittersweet. AMC is all about them to me and losing them slowly is too heartbreaking to express.

But I'll lay on my mother's bed with her and watch Lucci announce the resurrection of the show my mother watched with me when she held me as a baby. I'll clutch onto her and she'll stroke my hair as she still does, as if I'm the baby again and in her mind, I might be. It's the moment when I can still feel my mother in there somewhere in the mess that has become her brain.  Maybe it will make some headway with them to see Lucci and hear her talk about this show coming back from the dead. They sometimes remember old times and the look of recognition in their eyes makes me comforted for a moment.  But it's just a moment and they're lost again. I only wish those two women who mean more to me than almost anything could come back full force like AMC will. But they can't.

I guess we can't have everything, huh? I guess we need to happy with what we can get. David and Dr. Joe and Brooke and Adam and Jesse and Angie is a good start. And a good look of disdain and hurt from Viki to a mournful, desperate Todd will be a bonus. But that's another blog for another time. 

Is OLTL on yet?

As The Worm Turns- For Reals This Time: A Warning to the Major Players on GH

Okay, so it seems the most interesting thing happening on daytime soaps is behind the scenes. The "creatives", as they're called, are more into making their lives into drama than they are into making their shows drama. Hey, Nimnuts, if you wrote your boringass show as interesting as what's happening behind the show, maybe you'd have some more viewers. Sheesh.

So, my former friend Frank Valentini, seems to be throwing a hissy fit and stamping his feet because Prospect Park took their toys and are going home. He's all angry and stabby and wanting to throw things because he can't keep "his" characters.  He's smearing and spitting and threatening and trying to use everything in his nasty man playbook to make sure "his" Trio of Terrror remain on GH.

Give it up, Frank, you lost and you look like a bitter bitch. And a traitor at the same time.

So, here's where we stand. Todd, Starr, and John are going home to Llanview which, thankfully exists with old writers and familiar faces.  I have to just say this-  VIKI!!!!!!!!!!!- okay, feel better. But former fangurl and producer, Frankie Boy, is angry he can't go, too, and wants to keep his people with him. Now, Dude, that's desperate and bitter. You're acting as if you're the rebound girl who can't handle it when the real thing comes along and you got dumped. Or you're acting like the old girlfriend Middle Aged Mel found on Facebook and leaves his family for, only to be left when Melly misses Mommy and little Maureen and Max.

Let it go, Buddy, you're pissing off everyone.

At any rate, that's the deal now but Buddy Boy, as any jilted woman would do who's bitter and angry, doesn't say "Go, be happy. I always loved you". No, of course not. He says, "Oh yeah, well, I'm calling your wife and telling her I'm knocked up. You have to stay with me!"  Nice, nice move, Frank.  He's trying to hold on to the actors so they can't go back. He'll create new characters for them on GH. This is basically a Neener, Neener, Neener as at least two are on long term contracts- ME and KA- and Howarth is as flighty as a girl with too many dates for the dance.  He'll go wherever he chooses for whatever reason.

It is being reported that Mr. Howarth signed for only one year and that makes sense. GH was- and is to some of us- on life support, so why sign more and he signed for a year allegedly with OLTL, so why would he sign long term?  That really rings true to me. I believe that in the morass of "insider" info lately.  Also, PP, which is handling itself quite well in all this compared to ABC's smears and bitchslapping in the "soap press", put out a release discussing only ME and KA in terms of negotiations. 

Now, even a first year PR student can put the correct content in a press release. Well, at least mine can. So, they left out Howarth for a reason.  THEY MEANT TO!! Not only won't they be open to "share" Todd Manning, they don't have to deal with ABC on Howarth as he's probably a free agent. So, all in all, it's about what will Roger do? Will he stay, will he go? What?

Is anyone else tired of Howarth's contract antics that have plagued everyone for years? I am. I am so over them. In fact, after this stunt on GH, I'm pretty much over Howarth in general. I was never into him other than as Todd and as I've been yelling from rooftops for almost a year, I don't dig Todd out of Llanview. He needs his "peeps", especially those who hate him! 

Oh, and I need to say this- NORA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!- yeah!!!

But I digress. Howarth, Dude, if you want to stay on ABC and be a crap GH character, bless ya, Baby. Go for it. I no longer care. PP, recast. Really. I'm done with all this crap. I think it's a massive mistake but you're the one who played the insipid and sleep inducing Paul Pablum Ryan for who knows how long. And, really who cares how long? It was not good and not fun and I'm not interested in watching Howarth's not so pretty face. He's, well, not my type. I loved him as Todd on OLTL but at this point, he's an annoyance to me.

If he's so stupid,  let him stay. Ya see, Frank, this is a massive mistake. You're pissing off everyone if you try to get Howarth to stay and make him Joe Blow who's crawled up Carly's ass. The GH fans aren't interested in general and you'll make him the star of the show. The OLTL fans are already hating you. They'll go, for sure, so what do you win? The ones who just want to see Roger nekkid? Yeah, that's good. Okay, you take them and be happy.

But remember this. We are a fanbase of women and gay men in general. We don't forget or forgive easily.  Are you listening, Roger?  We see that you aren't a team player and we get that. That's your prerogative. Yet the only reason you have the cushy situation and that nice salary is because we welcomed you back as Todd. You took off before. We all lived and didn't hate you. However, this time it's different.  This time, you'll be a traitor. And that can't be good. As women and gay men, this is you essentially leaving us for another woman when we're pregnant.  And that's ugly.

This is your show with your people and your fans and they're trying to make it work again. You, not coming back, is really nasty. You can help make it happen and be a success. I have no doubt it can work without you.  Oh, and I need to say this-  BO!!!!!!!!!- yeah!  But, I digress. And David!!!!!!

Sorry, it's getting worse, almost like Turret's.  Anyway, if you don't help, I know they'll recast as Todd is too necessary. And, ya know what, I'll happily support that. Because, if you don't come, you're an asshole. That's all I have to say.

Frank, you're being an asshole, too. You are angry you can't go and you're being a pisser about it. Let us have our damn show back with the damn actors. If Alderson wants to stay, fine. I would like to have Easton back as he seems like a doll in real life and he's kinda cute and I loves me some John and Bo, but I'll live with it if he's Caleb. I think he and Monaco are kind of hot. But Howarth??  That's a low blow to something you claim to love.

And I know you do. And, think about this, Frank. It's the same for you as it is with Howarth. What if OLTL works and GH will undoubtedly be pulled soon enough. What  then? What if you wanted back in? Who would let you? The fans already are starting to really hate you. But, we know, we're irrelevant. But PP might hate you, too, and Disney. You're being a petulant child. And we know bad boys and girls never get to go to Disneyland again.........

So, think about it. You have a lot to work with on GH. Be happy with it. But stop being an asshole. Oh, and Roger, Buddy, don't be a moron. Todd's the bread and butter for you. If you screw him one more time, he may not be around to feed your kid in the future.

Remember, Guys, "you take my ending, I take yours"! And this time, it may be an ending in real life, too.   Imagine this in about five years, "Roger Who? Oh, that guy who used to play Todd? Oh, I hear he's doing dinner theater in Padukah...and he's fat".

But Ronnie's right. Maybe this show isn't for you. And then you aren't for us either. It was nice knowing you but we can move on, too.

Inauguration Day: The Beginning of the Progressive Era in the Daytime Drama

I'm off work today and it seems very fitting. Not only is it Martin Luther King Day but it's Inauguration Day.  There is so much coming this year, so much change on the horizon, the rise of the new and the loss of the old, I can't help but sit on the couch and cry a little.

I'm in a basically empty house, looking at a family that is diminishing in numbers as the days go on, but for some reason, I feel more hopeful than ever.  But I can't help but mourn the past. I just feel as if there's a path to bring them together to move forward. As my political ties call it, I realize that it's time to declare this the New Progressive Era, or should we call it the Era of the Progressive.

So, it's time for progress in the daytime serial. It's time to move forward and let go of the old way of doing things. We need to realize  the importance of history but move beyond it. Like the country, and myself, if you want to remain vital and thrive and "progress", you need to not only accept change, but embrace it and incorporate it into your daily life.  It's time to let go, wave goodbye, show respect, cry a little, and then look forward. It's time to let go. The past is dead and those who cling to it will die with it.

Four years ago, I stood at Grant Park and cried with friends and strangers and  thought it was all possible. It was the new beginning of a new era. We hugged and wept and all thought of MLK's words that one day people "would not be judged on the color of their skin but the content of their character".  It seemed to all be happening. But there was a hesitancy. Was it a fluke? Would it last or was this a blip in history?  It didn't feel like that, but it was something that plagued me a little. I went through the next four years with my fingers crossed and wincing a bit at what lay ahead, as it could be bad.

But it wasn't a fluke. It was the shift in culture I thought it had been. It was time. The past was dead and, although some of it was wonderful, it was gone. It was truly an era of the progressive. And society finally acknowledged it. It was time to accept it. And that seems to be coming.

Okay, so this seems to have nothing to do with the status of daytime drama but, in fact, it does. The old way is over. Watching soap operas on television is done. It's not happening, at least for me, anyway. I am so excited to never watch ABC daytime ever again. I haven't in months anyway. I haven't watched any show in months as, well, they suck!! 

But I plan to watch AMC and relish the moment when, and if, it appears. I couldn't be more excited about that and OLTL. They seem to truly be the representation of the Progressive Era in Television, as they always were. Let the Phelps and Valentinis languish in the old world. They're drowning in red ink, anyway. Let them keep their bloated casts and moronic storylines and fascination with bare chests and boxing rings. Keep it, Dudes, and be happy. I don't like it. I don't support it. And I've moved on.

Give me the new era. I'm not going to be bogged down in the past. I'm not going to be "trained" and have to watch Nimnut's crappy stories and sick ideas about what makes "good soap". You keep that on the network that's killing you slowly. Go down with the ship. I've moved on and maybe out. But I'd rather be out than stuck in the past.

Like people who were lost in the past told me all Fall, and for four years, I was living in a fantasy. The President wouldn't win. He was only a voted in because that's HOW bad Bush was. He was a blip.  Yeah, right, okay. I saw the media claim that he didn't have the numbers and they lived in their fucking bubble telling them what they wanted to hear.

Valentini has become the Dick Morris of daytime. Keep telling yourself that  you're keeping those characters and they'll be back.  Yeah, right, okay.  Keep telling yourself that there's a future for yourself, Frank, you sound as tone deaf as the Republicans. And as relevant.

Your time is over. You're on your way to a 9% approval rating. No one cares about your attempt to hold on to your past. You failed. GH fans love their show. OLTL fans love their show. We're getting what we want. Not you, Frank. Move on. You look like a fool.

GH went up in numbers due to the focus on their VETS, not ours. GH fans are happy our people are leaving. OLTL fans are happy they're leaving. We want our show back and it looks like we'll get some of it.  OLTL fans are ecstatic about who's been named. If Howarth stays with you, good for him, we'll be disappointed but I'll take the others over him any day. You all need to realize the situation here. It's not about what you want, Frank, it's about what we want.

Tell me again about people with numbers who live in the past. Have fun on ABC. Hope you and Ron and maybe Howarth enjoy your time in irrelevancy. I'm a Progressive. The question for you is this:

Where do you want your moment to be- in the past or with future? That's your choice but holding on to a time that's gone or dying doesn't make a movement. It holds you back.

I'll say this as it's so fitting. And it's perfect.  "You take my ending, Frank, I'll take yours".  It's over.  Maybe it's for naught, I don't know, but I didn't accept what people told me about this election and I went out and fought for what I wanted and believed in it. The President's being inaugurated today for the second time. Martin Luther King may have been shot but he moved the world forward and is as relevant today as he was when he was alive.

Movers move forward. Losers stay in one place and refuse to give up ground.  Maybe this show isn't for you, Ron. You should move on. We'll stick around. Bring on Viki!!!She's always been a progressive.

Boats, Love, Death, and Neil Diamond: A Memory of Some Kind of a Man

I just heard that Robert S Woods is signing on to PP.  Thank God.  I need me some good guy and there aren't enough Bo's in the world today.  But it means a little more to me today. I've been in a group of crying women for a long time.

Someone I loved died today. I don't think this has much to do with daytime drama, but there is some connection. I think some people's lives are more like soaps than any soap opera could ever be.  My uncle was a man right out of a daytime drama. He wasn't a Bo but he was more of a gray character. And I couldn't have been luckier to have had him in my life. He truly loved me.
 
People are hard to know and often harder to understand. I think my uncle was Adam Chandler without the swank. He was David Hayward without the brilliance. He was Todd Manning without the money.  But what he and Bo and all these characters had in common was that undying devotion to family.  When they loved you, they loved all the way. It could be overbearing and maddening and suffocating, but there was no doubt that they loved you.  Sometimes it made you want to run, but when it came down to it, it could keep you warm. And safe. And you always had your family.

I suppose we all have memories of people when they die. I'll remember my uncle on his speed boat. He always had a speedboat. He always had a boat he was playing with outside his house. I'm not kidding. Outside the house.  On the lawn. In the suburbs or at the beach.  That doesn't go over well with the neighbors.  Or the village.  But he kept those boats out there. No matter how many citations he got. Or even when they came and took the boat away.  He'd just get another one. It became a running joke with the family. I remember my cousin took a picture of a boat outside a house and sent it to all of us. No comment, just the picture. I laughed for days. I knew what she meant.

At any rate, I'll always remember my uncle on the boat, smoking, shirtless in his "trunks"- light blue with the fake belt- and he's trying to get the boat into the marina.  It's not going well. It's about 1974.   He can't get the boat positioned right so my cousin is jumping into the water and trying to push the boat with her little body weight. He keeps trying to make it work and eventually, it does.  But the whole time he's singing "Song Sung Blue" by Neil Diamond. He's laughing and not at all concerned about the situation. It's summer and we're in the country and he's on his boat with all his girls. And he's happy.

I'm wearing a life vest and I hate it.  My father makes me wear it and no one else has to. I'm the youngest of the kids- all seven girls- and because I'm "the baby", I'm wearing the lifevest. But I'm looking at my uncle, shirtless, blonde, smoking, and singing. My cousins are all skinny, blonde, in  bikinis, and jumping into the water. I wanted to be like them. They didn't wear life vests.  I did and I wasn't blonde and I didn't get to jump in the water and I didn't wear bikinis. With that lifevest, I'd just float anyway. It's neon orange and it's hot and I hate it.  I didn't belong on that boat. I wasn't like them.  But I did belong because my uncle loved me.

My uncle was a real contradiction. He was hard edged and crazy and funny and beautiful and did I say crazy?  He was a charmer and a serious curmudgeon.  But he was also loving and caring and soft hearted and giving. He could be difficult and selfish and even cruel yet he never showed me anything but affection and respect and love. He made me feel safe and special. I knew when the cards were down, he'd "knock skulls" to protect me. And more than anything, he loved me.

But he was singing Neil Diamond.  Or he was in the courtyard outside our cottages in the sand. He was lighting the fireworks on the Fourth of July.  He was the only father with the nerve. My father always said that Jews don't play with fireworks. But my uncle did. And they don't work on boats. But my uncle did. And they don't walk around shirtless in their "trunks". But my uncle did. And they weren't blonde and beautiful, but my uncle was. As I said, he was a contradiction. He was everything he shouldn't have been, but he was what he was. He was my uncle and he loved me.

There's great line from the film "Touch of Evil".  At the end, when Quinlan dies, Tanya, played by Marlena Dietrich, looks into the water and gives him this send off.  "He was some kind of a man. What does it matter what you say about people?"  She then walks off into the night but we know she's thinking about him the whole time and will forever.  She has images in her mind of her time with him and doesn't feel the need to share. I think my uncle would like that.  So that's how I'll send him off.

He was some kind of a man.  

I think it doesn't matter what you say about people. It matters what you feel about them. And I loved that crazy schmuck.  The images I have of him are in his trunks, shirtless, washing his white "Mark" on Lake Shore Drive.  He's calling me "Dune", as he did, enunciating it low and long, and smiling at me. He's calling my aunt "Babe". And he's looking at me last week in the hospital.  Smiling. As we talked about that boat. He couldn't talk much but he did try to talk about that boat.  He was shirtless again and it seemed fitting. He smiled at me as I kissed him on the forehead. He looked at me and I knew that he loved me. I wish he'd called me "Dune" one more time, but he didn't. He just smiled.

I think I'll have to look into getting a little statue of a boat for my new house at the beach. He'd like that. I'll leave it outside. And then I'll play some Neil Diamond. "Forever in Blue Jeans", I think. And I'll go sit on a "dune". And have a damn good cry looking out onto the water and hope my uncle's out there, in that boat, and that it's finally fixed. But it's still in the yard...........

The Dulling of a Man: Todd Manning- Portrait of a Failure

OMG, I can't believe I'm writing this, but here goes.  Todd Manning sucks. He really does. The only thing left to do with him is turn him off. And I've been doing that for months now. But, I have some time and the inclination to rant a bit, so what the hell.

Goodbye, Todd, you've committed the ultimate sin.  You're boring and average and thoroughly unlikable.

I really do hope that PP does get OLTL up and running at some point. I truly miss that show. I realize that it wasn't single characters that made it great. It was the relationships between the characters that made it great. It was the way there were histories involved and long, complicated stories that could be played out on their faces, even without words. That was what was intriguing, not the characters themselves.

That's what's missing.  Todd Manning, one of my favorite characters of all time, is now a dullard. He's drab and uninteresting and I actively avoid him.  Know why?  He's got no one who knows him, except Starr and John, and there's little to be seen of that.  Good job, Guys, you did it. You made Todd Manning a loser.  Now, leave him on GH with his fat gal pal or ship him home. Really, I don't care. He's as annoying as Carly. Oh, and don't do sex scenes if you need to wear Spanx. It's sad.

I suppose this can be reversed, but I'm skeptical. You see I warned you months ago that GH was a loser as many characters on that show had the "stink of the loser" and that is was catching.  After reading Ms. Wright whining about the great love of Carly and Todd, I see how big a loser these people are in reality.  Deep love? Huh???Since when? Last I heard, he was texting his ex-wife right before he fucked you and you were drooling over your ex. Was that when you two fell in love?  Sorry, Toots, I haven't seen any love at all. Just loneliness and desperation.

And here's what's most sick. I guess Wright's job is in trouble, that's obvious and the rumors are rampant. We all know that Frankie Boy loves his little vixens and the bigger gals of significant age are never safe, but why is this broad pimping a really sick relationship that has denigrated her character in this way? He's used her, manipulated her, hid his obsession for his ex-wife from her, and then she had to bully him into "committing" to her, all this about week since she saw him doing jigs over his ex-wife's marriage not happening. This is a deep love to you, Honey?  I don't think so.

Look, we all have access to call times. We know that Ms. Wright hasn't taped except for once in over a month, granted two weeks were dark. But that leaves two weeks with just about nothing. That's, what, a month of airtime?  Sweetie, you're in trouble. We get that. You go to the mags and start pimping yourself. We  get it that you're going to "force the writers" to write the great love story of Carly and her abuser.  You're really just afraid. I get that. But it makes you look even more pathetic than your pathetic character. It's unseemly, Laura, really unseemly. And if KDP was your friend, it also makes you look like an asshole by trying to throw her pairing under the bus as being old news.

All in all, it makes you look nasty. Not good for you.  Now apologize.

At any rate, Todd's so dull with this story, it's ridiculous. Now I know there are those who just like to see Roger Howarth get naked. That's fine. Good for them. Personally, I don't find him attractive in that way and even if I did, I'd want him to be interesting. This ain't it.

I miss Todd sparring with Nora. I miss Marty's hatred of his face and his mere existence and how they both physically recoil when they are near one another. I miss David's snarkiness with him and callouts to past history. I miss the way Viki looks at him with exasperation and understanding and the way he looks at her with such neediness. I miss the love and longing in his eyes when he sees Blair and the pain that inevitably ensues. I miss the guilt on his face when Tea enters a room. And I even miss his crazyass sparring with his crazyass brother. Now that was a little funny.

Once in a while, I see how he loves his kid. That's nice. I do love how John hates him and it's mutual but underneath, they both seem to love it. But, other than that, I'm getting nothing.  The big gal whines and spits venom about herself and Howarth stands there. Yeah, that's fun....only not. That's what you're fighting for? Well, the ratings are out and again, you're not setting the world on fire, Laura. In fact, you're tanking them.

Look, Frank, you have some good stuff going on this show and I think I'll make almost every GH fan love me for this statement. You need to make this show GH.  Not the Todd Show. You see, they don't want to see the Todd Show. We want to see the Todd Show but we want "our Todd", not Frat Boy #2, Eddie Haskell, Paul Manning, or Roger Fucking Howarth. We want Todd. And, for the 856th time, there is  not Todd without the others.

I read an interesting comment from Nimnuts where he said that Todd in PC doesn't have the rape hanging over his head. That's true, I suppose, but you know what? That's what made him interesting. Without it, he's drab, ordinary, and no one I find even a little compelling. He's a selfish shit with some snarky lines.  Yeah, not drawing me in.

So, bring on PP. Bring on the spectacular Clint and Viki and David and Nora and Bo and Nat and Blair and Dorian and so on and so on.  Leave Todd where he is, bring him back, I don't care. But, I'll tell you one thing- you better wipe this time out of his memory and mine because it sucks.

When's AMC starting? I need to get interesting characters back STAT!!

My Boyfriend's Back and You're Gonna Be in Trouble: Is David Resurrecting the Dead Yet Again?

I don't know if I can even let myself go there. Really. Can it be? Would it happen? And how could it be this good? Is it even possible that not only is AMC coming back but it has locked up three of my favorites, including the indubitable Dr. David the Hot?? Can it be?  I want to believe but do I dare?

I have to admit that I've been really unengaged and uninterested. Y&R nauseates me. I find DOOL without a Bo uninteresting.  GH?  Yeah, no, just no. Although I do appreciate seeing Carly ground into the dirt, I'm not watching a convicted sex offender manipulate a woman. It's gross- even if it's Carly. Nice Spanx comments all over the net, though. Laughed and laughed and laughed at how that scene went over like a lead balloon.  Still love Todd, just not now. But, I'm patient. And I will be watching to see that Harpy look like a moron all over town.  Again- YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE SLEPT WITH TONY!!!!

But I digress into the Yuckiness that is "Tarly" or, as I like to call them "Codd".  ICKY. At any rate, the PP news leaves me skeptical but, man, I want to be on board. I want to see those people again and every name that shows up gets me happier and happier and happier.  David, Angie, Jesse, now Tad?? Holy Crap, Batman, it's Quality Week over there.

It's strange how much reinvigorating those shows parallels my real life in a way. After what has been the worst 18 months of my rather bleak life in general, it does seem that there may be a light at the end of the tunnel. It's leading out to a place that's familiar and I want to go, and know I need to go, but it isn't the exact place I've always known, and it's missing some of the key elements I leaned on. But, it's coming and, in it's own way, it will be home.

That's how I see this potential AMC reboot. I see it as a new show with the quality elements of the old one, the one I left behind and lost to some extent. But when it was gone, I missed it dearly. Now, it may be back, if there's faith and courage and sacrifice, but it won't be the same. It will be a version but not the same.

I suppose we all have to change and accept that some loss is necessary. I know that I am losing people I love dearly and watching them die is excruciating.  But, once they've gone, they won't be in pain or torment any more. It will be kind of release and it's crushing to say that, but it's true. Some forms of life are not worth living.  When we emerge from that painful moment, we have to keep them with us but move forward, I know that. And be sure to honor them as they were so important and special to us.  They made us who we are.

So, that's how I see this "new" AMC.  AMC was all wrapped up in real life emotion for me and losing it coincided with losing so much in my real life, much that I associated with that silly show. However, now that we're in the "twilight", as it seems, AMC is recovering from her loss, as well. As I prepare to say goodbye to my past, so does she. But she and I look to the future while holding on to the legacy and what remains. We want to be faithful to what was while we find out what the future holds.

We'll see what happens. Can they make it work? Can they lift a show on what is left? Can they forge a new frontier and honor how they got here? I don't know. But I know I'm on the same journey and asking the same questions.  I hope, as always happened, she and I are both successful. And this summer, I'm sitting on my same beach, going upstairs to my new home in an old house to watch my old show in a new format, and I'm surrounded by the memories of those who got me there and will remain forever.

You see, I plan to scatter many ashes on that beach soon.  That way, those who loved it can be a part of it in every way.  I think of this potential new show being the same. There will be those who loved it but can't be there. The ones who remain will honor them and carrying the legacies with them and make sure they are part of it forever.

And is it too much to ask for a little Brooke and Adam?  Come on, leave Erica behind. That's great. But I needs me some Chandler.  STAT!!! There's a lot of sadness in this happiness that may come. I need Adam spinning it for me. And Stuart seeing the bright side and making it less hard to live through.

Now if my boyfriend, David, could really resurrect the dead......