As Per Request: The Boyfriend List

So, I can't understand why anyone would be interested, but this was requested specifically, so here goes.

I am pretty much uninterested in all that is going on in daytime, so I have little to say. It's not only boring me, the treatment of Jack Abbot is infuriating me and although Howarth still makes Todd randomly amusing, I find watching GH much like sitting through a really bad party that I've been forced to attend by someone I like...and that person is dealing with a crowd I don't like, don't respect, and openly wish harm upon. So, my days of ranting and wailing and laughing about daytime are definitely on the wain.  I'm just not interested. When I see Blair or Viki, I'll tune back in.

Or Clint, played by my boyfriend, JVD!! Finally, I'm getting to my lead- Here's my list of "boyfriends".  I warn you, it may be long, full of old people, and with some shocking members. I have what's only been called by those who know and love me, an "odd" taste in men.  Good looks are usually not required. But, in general, blondes and dumb asses need not apply.

Daytime Boyfriends:

So, we all know JVD. I've waxed poetic about him and Dr. David Hayward, played by the magnificent Vincent Irizary.  Going on again would be redundant.  I would add, in the daytime contingent, a few notables.

Wally Kurth-  I love Ned Ashton, as played by the fantastic Wally Kurth. He's hot and looks like he's so much fun, I would giggle like a school girl in his presence....thus why I never have any interest in meeting him. I had giggling schoolgirls.

Ricky Paull Goldin-  How can I not love a nice Jewish boy who played so damn well with my not boyfriend but long term pal, Michael E Knight.  I was taken with his Jake Martin, a traditionally good looking but drab nice guy who only became interesting with Goldin's arrival.  Loved him. Miss him and Tad and although he was there relatively briefly, I saw him as fitting right in with the Martin clan, even though he is obviously more adopted than Tad from a Jewish family on Long Island.  They must have died in a tragic gardening accident.

Peter Reckell- How can a man actually get hotter with age? I know it happens often but, man, this is true here.  And he's Bo Brady.  The best good guy on daytime ever. I loves me some Bo's- especially my pal, Mr. Buchanan, but this Bo has the extra element. He's super hot!!!







 Current Boyfriends:

John Slattery- No words needed. Just the embodiment of hotness. And he is so fucking funny off screen, I could die. Watch his interview with Kevin Pollack. It's hysterical!! Interesting that he's married to Talia Balsam, daughter of one of my favs, Martin Balsam, and the ex-wife of the boyfriend of all heterosexual women, IMO-




 


CLOONEY!! I don't even need the first name. The cheese stands alone.  And if I need to explain, get yourself to a doctor. There's something wrong with you. Boyfriend cannot even cover how this man gets me nuts.  I'd embarrass myself getting into more detail.

Alec Baldwin- He's perfect. That's all I'll say. He's looking better all the time, too. He's talented and funny and abrasive and has a wicked sense of humor and convictions.  I have to admit, the anger and attitude doesn't hurt. Yeah, I'm sick. What about it? He hasn't kept the spectacular looks but his personality makes up for it. 

Jason Bateman- I'm a massive Arrested Development fan and I think I may be confusing him with Micheal Bluth. But, no matter. He's funny and cute and charming and I just dig him the most. He makes any lame piece of crap worthwhile and, like Wally Kurth, it's the dimples and the smile.





Gay Boyfriends:

Andy Cohen- already went over this. But he's fun and  kinda cute and if he weren't gay, I'd marry that!! Maybe I would even if he is gay if I could have Slattery on the side.  We're two Jews who might like to have our Goyisha piece of ass once in a while.  No offense.




News Boyfriends:

Maybe I should just say the whole NBC/MSNBC line up except for Joe Scarborough.  Yuck. NO, just no.

Brian Williams- Truly a classic. The Clooney of news. He's funny and smart, at least he sounds like it, and doesn't seem uptight or elitest. He's a pleasure. I think I fell in love with him during Katrina, as I sat mesmerized, and saw him in the French Quarter. As people begged for help, Bush, the prick bastard, flew over them in a plane, and the "administration" claimed they couldn't get in to help. I saw Brian Williams, losing his patented cool for one moment, say "We're here. How can they NOT be here?"  He was shocked by the blatant lack of concern, as were the rest of us. I fell for him right then.  He was one of us...just cuter.

Chuck Todd- The Political Editor for NBC is not hot in any traditional way, really. But I think he's fabulous. He's smart and cute and he seems to be able to cut through the crap and make it make sense. He's got a glimmer in his eye and I would love to sit in a really crappy bar with him and drink too much and watch him argue with people about politics.  Note, I'd love to watch him argue, not argue with him. I dig that.

 

Keith Olbermann- I've heard stuff I don't like but I was a huge Countdown fan and loved his abrasive attitude. I heard he was great sports guy, but because I don't care about sports, I never saw Sports Center, but it is legendary. He's outspoken and kinda cute- love the glasses- and he's just nerdy enough under the surface to be hot.  I can't explain that.  It's just a fact.

 

Richard Engel- I think he's short- which is usually a non-starter for me- but I can overlook it. The NBC Chief Foreign Affairs Correspondent is the ballsiest Jew I've ever seen!! Well, lately anyway. If there's anywhere in turmoil in the Middle East, he's there. He's getting kidnapped and getting away. He's in the worst places for anyone, muchless an American Jewish kid, and he doesn't care. It's all about the story.  I respect the hell out of him but I wouldn't mind kissing him, so it counts!!

 

Howard Fineman- The constant MSNBC contributor and notable newspaper man is making some of my friends scratch their heads, but when I mention how old we are, they rethink. This dude is so smart and well read, I just want to go to dinner parties with him or have a kid late in life. I'd want to take his car into the shop and then call him to tell him what the mechanic said.  He's the type you bring to the High School Reunion and everyone says "Really? Him?" but then they realize you're over the "cool" guys. He's a different type of cool. It's called quality.

Micheal Beschloss-  One hot, North Shore, Jewish intellectual.  THE WHOLE PACKAGE!!! If I were gay, I'd be all over Doris Kearns Goodwin, but I'm not, so I'm Beschloss' bitch all the way!!His voice might get me a little nuts after a while, and he looks like he may play golf, but I can handle it.

Old Men Boyfriends From Back in the Day: 

These are the guys who used to make me weak in the knees, back in the day, but haven't held up that well. However, when I see them now, I still get a little teenage chill in memory of what was, not what they have become.

Don Johnson- To the younguns, you can't fathom how hot this guy was in the mid '80's. He's blond and pretty, or was, and that's SO not my type. But he won me over. If I watch Miami Vice now, I can't believe how I loved it as it's SO dated, but I can still see Johnson's charisma. He was spectacular. Again, the smile. He's aged to such a degree, I can hardly see it. But, once in a while, that smile's back. And the gravely smoker's voice is a turn on. It's wrong, but I don't want to be right.

Bruce Willis- I know. He's a Republican.  I have to admit that I've been totally into men with opposite politics from my own. I admit it.  "Hello, my name is Addison, and I am into men I hate".  I can admit my failings. But, man, in the day, he was David Addison- coincidence- on Moonlighting and I was entranced. Funny, obnoxious, adorable, HAD HAIR!! I'm not going to mention the Bruno crap. I ignore that. But, besides the action crap and the political crap, he's still a hot dude with an attitude and I had a hard time reviewing his films as I just went on and on about his sex appeal. Good thing I had an understanding editor who knew how to cut. It would have been embarrassing.

Gary Richrath- guitarist for REO Speedwagon- yeah, I'm old and white- in a way- and from the suburbs.  Deal with it!  However, when I saw him fairly recently, I was horrified. Truly horrified. I thought I might be sick. I hate to make phonecalls to my people to help me through it.  But, in my mind, I went back to 1980 or 1981, and all was good.

Billy Joel- Okay, I don't dig his looks now.  But who the hell cares?  He's Billy Fucking Joel. He's one brilliant little Jew who is sensitive and kind of sad. Read the Chuck Klostermann article. If you dig the brilliant, depressive type, he's it. I've spent many nights listening to this type just play for me and it's nothing less than a massive turn on.

Dead Boyfriends:

Shelby Foote- Don't ask. I loved him in the Ken Burns documentaries and I could listen to him tell me stories all day. I'm not sure I'd like to sleep with him, but I sure would like to have long days on the porch with him, drinking Mint Juleps, or having fabulous dinner parties in his eccentric yet tasteful home. I would just hope he didn't serve pork when I was there. 

William Powell- I love him. I had him set on my TIVO to tape anything he showed up in. He was smart, in character, anyway, and cool and funny and romantic and always stole the scene. Even when he was silent. He wasn't too sophisticated. He wasn't too cheap. He wasn't too anything but he was enough. He had all he needed. I worship this dude and, if I could, I'd bring him back from the dead to have drinks with me. I'd be Nora to that Nick any day. I even wanted to name my dog Asta, but was voted down.

Van Heflin- No, it's not because his sister was Erica Kane's mother. He is one of the most underrated actors in classical Hollywood. He was always cool but brooding and interesting. There was always something going on there, below the surface, and I was never disappointed with seeing him on my screen. He made Robert Taylor look like a Pisher in Johnny Eager and I didn't get why Lana Turner wouldn't want him instead. Oh, I know why, she was an idiot!!

Spencer Tracy- The Slattery of classical Hollywood. Nuff said.





 Political Boyfriends:

Rahm Emanuel- I've gone on about this ad infinitum. I love him. See previous posts about the unions. He's a cutie and an ass. Enough for me.





BILL CLINTON!!!! Now, using the term "boyfriend" for him tends to degrade the depth of my feeling for this man. 

I'm ready to start a campaign to make him King of Time, Space, and Dimension. When I see  him, I don't just  get a little giddy, I feel like he'll take care of everything and it will be okay.  That's special for me. Trust me. No one makes me feel that way...ever.  Let him get blowjobs or anything he wants.  I don't care. He's the man!!!

That's all I can think of for now. I'm sure there's more. However, I'm not sure why anyone would want to read this, but you did ask me. And you know who you are.

Have a happy holiday and good luck with next year. I know I'm glad this one's over. It's been a real bitch.