Just thought I'd ask if this has happened to anyone else:
I'm home today- holiday and all- and I just noticed something. When I think about what I'd do on days off, I'd schedule around soaps as I loved watching them live. Now, it's not even a thought. My television is off until this evening. I used to watch Y&R and then switch to AMC (they overlapped by a half an hour here) and then sit down with OLTL. Then, I'd do my afternoon stuff. But, now, I have no interest in even watching Y&R. It's as if something has been switched off in my brain and although I could easily slip DOOL into my routine, I don't want to.
Maybe I'm bitter...well, I know I'm bitter. But it's more than that. It's as if ABC accomplished it's goal in killing a genre. However, they also accomplished something else. They've killed off consumers of their products! I'm not watching anything now. Again, good job ABC! Run off the few people left who made an effort to watch your crappy network during the day. Now, you really are left with what you mistakenly thought you had all along- morons who will watch anything. And looking at the numbers you have left, there aren't too many of them.
I do admit that I'll watch GH for Todd and Blair. Doubt I'll tune in to see Starr, although I have a soft spot for the kid as I've watched her grow up. But once they're gone, I'm gone. I might tune in to see a little Frisco and Felicia or Lucy Coe and Scotty- if they return- but that will be a for a lark. And I'm sure I'll be disappointed. I'm also positive GH is over sooner rather than later. Can't say I'll mourn that show as I do OLTL. I have had no affection for anyone on it in the last few decades.
Strange. I've watched these shows all my life and now an interesting part of my day is gone. I remember when I was in 8th grade and got mono and had to stay home for two months. I watched David Letterman in the morning (now that's a long time ago!) and then Ryan's Hope and then AMC and OLTL and GH and EON. After that there was always Match Game, TattleTales and the fabulous Gong Show, as well. But by then, everyone else got home and entertained me on the couch. Now, it's nothing. I haven't thought about that time in years but lately, it comes back to me as it's gone forever. I would have been a very well read kid without daytime TV!! But, why complicate things?
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe there still can be a home for these people on daytime, but I doubt it. Yet it's sad, really, and stupid. Corporate greed and incompetence snuffs out an artform...and an audience. I feel sorry for those sick kids on the couch. They'll have to read or play videogames. I guess that's fine but where will they learn the important lessons of life I got from Viki or Maeve Ryan or Brooke English? Oh, well, they'll have to get that info from their parents. Although I doubt they will. Parents don't teach you what to do when your husband cheats on you with the babysitter or your alter runs wild. Only soaps can do that.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Sunday, February 5, 2012
When Is Enough Enough? Make Andy Cohen Go Away!
Hey, there's nothing that a middle aged Jewish woman loves more than her very own Jewish, fake boyfriend. By "fake" boyfriend, I mean gay man who is also her friend. I distinguish this from the oft-noted Fag Hag, which is degrading to not only the woman, but the gay man and the relationship. It's all kinds of nasty and I, for one, think anyone who uses that term should be shot on sight. Or forced to watch The Chew. Now that's torture. Mario Batalli is not only ugly and fat, but icky and sweaty. Yuck. That's just nasty.
At any rate, being a middle aged Jewish woman without a fake boyfriend, I felt at a loss. I had no one to shop with or make nasty comments about movie stars with or other take to weddings and pretend they were my date even though everyone knows they're gay. Mostly they don't want you to blow them when the night ends. That's an improvement from a real boyfriend any day!
Once in a while, I'd borrow my sister's fake boyfriend, who I called my fake brother in law until my sister got married. But he wasn't mine, he was hers. He wasn't Jewish, but he does love to talk soaps and he's all kinds of wonderful. Still, he was her fake boyfriend and I didn't want to share. I wanted one of my own.
Then, late one night, I found Andy Cohen. I thought he was a great fake fake Jewish boyfriend. He was perfect! He was funny and kind of cute and all snarky. He was SO Jewish, it was wonderful. He was sarcastic and schmaltzy and silly. Most of all, he was on TV, so I didn't really have to hang out with him. I loves me some fictional friends as they are SO low maintenance!!!They're all fun and no fucking you over. It's all good. They don't cry to you or make fun of your decorating or your clothes or expect you to get off the couch. Thus, Andy became my fake FAKE Jewish boyfriend and I could foresee a wonderful relationship lasting into the future. I knew FOR SURE he'd never want me to go down on him!
I loved Andy's silly little show "Watch What Happens Live". It showcased lunatics from the Real Housewives shows and other Bravo-lebrities. It had a set that looked like an old rec room in 1978 and I'm pretty sure everyone was drunk. It was on Sunday nights and maybe one or two other nights. It was throwback to Fernwood Tonight or cable access. It was silly and bad and really amusing.
But there was a problem. I found that soon friends and family members were sharing my fake Jewish boyfriend. My cousin was a huge fan and I started seeing Andy EVERYWHERE. It was then, when my cousin started emailing me articles about Andy, that I knew our relationship was about over. I knew that I had to move on.
Now, his show is on five nights a week and getting big numbers. Andy's becoming everyone's fake boyfriend! I don't feel he's cheating on me, as I've never met him, he's gay, and I'm not interested in ever spending time with him in person. I just feel like he's no longer my nasty little secret. And that makes me sad.
So, I have to say, enough's enough. I think I'm breaking up with Andy Cohen. But we'll always have Osama Bin Laden. It was Andy who told me that Bin Laden was dead. I remember thinking it was a joke and that he was drunk. But he wasn't. It's a moment, I suppose, I'll always remember.
It's hard to move on from a fake, fake relationship. They're so hard to find and even harder to maintain. Maybe because they aren't real from the get go. But, maybe I'll order a Mazel t-shirt to remember him by. Yet, I don't want to pay. That's real money and that's unacceptable for a fictional relationship.
At any rate, being a middle aged Jewish woman without a fake boyfriend, I felt at a loss. I had no one to shop with or make nasty comments about movie stars with or other take to weddings and pretend they were my date even though everyone knows they're gay. Mostly they don't want you to blow them when the night ends. That's an improvement from a real boyfriend any day!
Once in a while, I'd borrow my sister's fake boyfriend, who I called my fake brother in law until my sister got married. But he wasn't mine, he was hers. He wasn't Jewish, but he does love to talk soaps and he's all kinds of wonderful. Still, he was her fake boyfriend and I didn't want to share. I wanted one of my own.
Then, late one night, I found Andy Cohen. I thought he was a great fake fake Jewish boyfriend. He was perfect! He was funny and kind of cute and all snarky. He was SO Jewish, it was wonderful. He was sarcastic and schmaltzy and silly. Most of all, he was on TV, so I didn't really have to hang out with him. I loves me some fictional friends as they are SO low maintenance!!!They're all fun and no fucking you over. It's all good. They don't cry to you or make fun of your decorating or your clothes or expect you to get off the couch. Thus, Andy became my fake FAKE Jewish boyfriend and I could foresee a wonderful relationship lasting into the future. I knew FOR SURE he'd never want me to go down on him!
I loved Andy's silly little show "Watch What Happens Live". It showcased lunatics from the Real Housewives shows and other Bravo-lebrities. It had a set that looked like an old rec room in 1978 and I'm pretty sure everyone was drunk. It was on Sunday nights and maybe one or two other nights. It was throwback to Fernwood Tonight or cable access. It was silly and bad and really amusing.
But there was a problem. I found that soon friends and family members were sharing my fake Jewish boyfriend. My cousin was a huge fan and I started seeing Andy EVERYWHERE. It was then, when my cousin started emailing me articles about Andy, that I knew our relationship was about over. I knew that I had to move on.
Now, his show is on five nights a week and getting big numbers. Andy's becoming everyone's fake boyfriend! I don't feel he's cheating on me, as I've never met him, he's gay, and I'm not interested in ever spending time with him in person. I just feel like he's no longer my nasty little secret. And that makes me sad.
So, I have to say, enough's enough. I think I'm breaking up with Andy Cohen. But we'll always have Osama Bin Laden. It was Andy who told me that Bin Laden was dead. I remember thinking it was a joke and that he was drunk. But he wasn't. It's a moment, I suppose, I'll always remember.
It's hard to move on from a fake, fake relationship. They're so hard to find and even harder to maintain. Maybe because they aren't real from the get go. But, maybe I'll order a Mazel t-shirt to remember him by. Yet, I don't want to pay. That's real money and that's unacceptable for a fictional relationship.
When Did Bruce Springsteen Stop Being Fun?
I have to preface this rant with one thing. I love Bruce Springsteen. I've loved him since 1977 when I joined the Columbia Record Club. I got 10 albums for a penny. I was ten and thought it would be "cool" to be into music, so I ordered the top ten list. I can't remember what else I got, but I know I got Born to Run and maybe a Steely Dan album. My mother, who was appalled, had to write a long letter to get me out of the "contract" but I kept the albums.
I went upstairs to my blue and white bedroom on the North Shore of Chicago and played Born to Run. It was a revelation. This was my life! Grief, pain, despair, anger, resignation, yes, that was me. I wanted Calvin Klein jeans and all I had were Levis. I was too fat to look really good in Gloria Vanderbilt jeans, anyway, so I thought I was settling to begin with. My mother had the GALL to sign me up for TWO sessions of summer camp and I didn't want to go to even one! I got it! Yes, I could get the fear of gang fights and owing mob guys money and being so desperate, you just want to run. I had to deal with sixth grade, for Chrissakes!
At any rate, I waited in line overnight to get into the front row of his Soldier Field show in 1986. I've been to so many shows I can't count. I cry when he plays Jungleland and I dance like an idiot when he begins Rosalita. I wept when the Big Man died and still feel teary when I think about it. But, I have to be honest. I am pissed at Bruce Springsteen and have been for years. Maybe that's because my Bruce has left the building.
I know, the man's an artist. He should change and grow and speak from his heart. I know he's not a working class kid from Jersey anymore. I know he's more than a silly rock star. But, damnnit, Dude, what happened to the fun? When did Bruce become Woody Fucking Guthry? Now, don't get me wrong. I loves me some Dylan and there's a place for Pete Seeger in my pantheon. But I don't need Bruce for it. I can go to the original. When did my working class hero rock star become a fucking folk singer? Let me tell you, Bud, it ain't working and it's just pissing me off!
In the shows of the past few decades, whenever he pulls out the "Tom Joad shit", as I call it, I go get a cocktail or visit the bathroom. I really don't feel the need to listen to garbled lyrics and boring music. I know it's not all about me, although I'm not sure why, but damnit, it makes me want to literally pull out my eardrums and eat them with hot sauce. STOP IT and sing fucking She's the One! Or maybe I'm a Rocker. Or Sherry Darling would be wonderful! I want to hear Bruce Springsteen's gutteral tones in those songs and not the whining about injustice for the poor.
Let me be clear. One of my favorite albums of all time is Nebraska. It's not that I don't appreciate the occasional folk song or toned down ballad. But it's out of control. Remember who you are, Buddy, and why we love you. We don't listen to you to change the world. I appreciate your politics. I agree with you. I'm a union member. I went to the Obama rally on election night and cried and hugged strangers.
I'm a dedicated fucking liberal and work to enlighten young minds. But I do that as it's my job. It's not yours!! I go to you to have a good time. An occasional political discussion is fine but, damnit, then entertain me. Life sucks and I look to you for fun. Woody Guthry wasn't fun. And, I hate to say it, but he sucks. Don't make me go there, Bruce, I love you. I don't want to draw out the analogy. It would hurt too much.
I went upstairs to my blue and white bedroom on the North Shore of Chicago and played Born to Run. It was a revelation. This was my life! Grief, pain, despair, anger, resignation, yes, that was me. I wanted Calvin Klein jeans and all I had were Levis. I was too fat to look really good in Gloria Vanderbilt jeans, anyway, so I thought I was settling to begin with. My mother had the GALL to sign me up for TWO sessions of summer camp and I didn't want to go to even one! I got it! Yes, I could get the fear of gang fights and owing mob guys money and being so desperate, you just want to run. I had to deal with sixth grade, for Chrissakes!
At any rate, I waited in line overnight to get into the front row of his Soldier Field show in 1986. I've been to so many shows I can't count. I cry when he plays Jungleland and I dance like an idiot when he begins Rosalita. I wept when the Big Man died and still feel teary when I think about it. But, I have to be honest. I am pissed at Bruce Springsteen and have been for years. Maybe that's because my Bruce has left the building.
I know, the man's an artist. He should change and grow and speak from his heart. I know he's not a working class kid from Jersey anymore. I know he's more than a silly rock star. But, damnnit, Dude, what happened to the fun? When did Bruce become Woody Fucking Guthry? Now, don't get me wrong. I loves me some Dylan and there's a place for Pete Seeger in my pantheon. But I don't need Bruce for it. I can go to the original. When did my working class hero rock star become a fucking folk singer? Let me tell you, Bud, it ain't working and it's just pissing me off!
In the shows of the past few decades, whenever he pulls out the "Tom Joad shit", as I call it, I go get a cocktail or visit the bathroom. I really don't feel the need to listen to garbled lyrics and boring music. I know it's not all about me, although I'm not sure why, but damnit, it makes me want to literally pull out my eardrums and eat them with hot sauce. STOP IT and sing fucking She's the One! Or maybe I'm a Rocker. Or Sherry Darling would be wonderful! I want to hear Bruce Springsteen's gutteral tones in those songs and not the whining about injustice for the poor.
Let me be clear. One of my favorite albums of all time is Nebraska. It's not that I don't appreciate the occasional folk song or toned down ballad. But it's out of control. Remember who you are, Buddy, and why we love you. We don't listen to you to change the world. I appreciate your politics. I agree with you. I'm a union member. I went to the Obama rally on election night and cried and hugged strangers.
I'm a dedicated fucking liberal and work to enlighten young minds. But I do that as it's my job. It's not yours!! I go to you to have a good time. An occasional political discussion is fine but, damnit, then entertain me. Life sucks and I look to you for fun. Woody Guthry wasn't fun. And, I hate to say it, but he sucks. Don't make me go there, Bruce, I love you. I don't want to draw out the analogy. It would hurt too much.
ABC Daytime- Who's Really the "Slow Brother" Now?
ABC Daytime has decimated their daytime format and is now, singlehandedly killing the daytime serial. Again, I don't think these guys are very bright. I don't think they imagined there'd be as much of a reaction as they've gotten. They saw people upset about GL and ATWT, but I don't think they thought there'd be all out campaigns, national coverage, and anger like these cancellations got.
I think the real mistake, regardless of my long term affection for AMC, is cancelling OLTL which was still a profitable program. I really think they didn't understand that it would be as big a blow to their line up as it's been and will be in the future. I think they thought the daytime audience was as they described. Ignorant house fraus who would watch any crap put in front of them. I doubt they imagined that we made an EFFORT to watch. My television now stays off all day if I'm home- which is rare. I'd turn it on if OLTL was on, but not in general.
Running shows five or six times a day maybe hid the actual viewing audience, muchless those who DVR the show. If almost four million people watched the ABC feed of the finale, how many REALLY watched and did so daily? People with six figure incomes? People with a lot of disposable income? People who were in their teens and tweens who would become lifetime viewers? People who would watch OLTL over anything else, like me? I'd say there were a lot!!
They really never thought this stuff was as popular as it was and that many people would watch it because THEY LIKED IT!!!Not because we're moronic sheep who need to fill our days.
I think that daytime and primetime may be merging and there may be no distinction soon. If these "men" had a braincell between them, they'd see they have a marketable product and get those rights back from PP- if they ever really handed them over to begin with- and see if they could fashion some nighttime programming out of them. GH is fine but it isn't the best one of the three.
But, it seems to be me, that if this primetime rumor is true, it won't be your current GH. It'll be looking a lot more like Llanview and less like Mob Wives.
ABC has affiliates to deal with in this matter. Yes, on ABC's owned and operated stations, they can handle the hit in ad revenue to some extent due to the show's being produced on the network level. The show is cheaper and brings in less- the ratios may work of cost to profit. The network's losing less money and can therefore support the lower income on the station level. In other words, the network makes more money in one area but loses it in another. They could see it as a wash. The loss is made up for in cutting production costs.
However, the affiliates don't have that option. They aren't producing the show, just running it. And if the numbers are in the toilet, they can't sell ad space. They then lose. They don't have anything to absorb that loss or make up for the deficit. If the affiliates want the time back, which may be starting VERY soon as these numbers may be going down, down, down, there will be a real problem. It's the Jay Leno/Conan situation all over again. ABC may want to give them the time back and therefore ABC daytime will not exist on a network level at all. I don't know. Maybe that's the intent.
Also, if the loss of OLTL's audience hurts the show before it and the lead in, then everyone loses. There's this concept called "flow" which means that all the shows work in a kind of a continuum that keep the audience watching all day. Each show kind of blends into the other and then there's a stream of viewers consistently who keep the TV on one station. Cutting OLTL broke the flow. Cutting AMC would have hurt the numbers for OLTL if it hadn't been strong enough to bring it's own audience. It seems that maybe OLTL was bringing in an audience for AMC and definitely The Chew as people had the show on as they were waiting for OLTL. Then viewers may have stuck around for GH after OLTL. That's how flow works.
Taking OLTL out of the equation could potentially hurt the whole line up, save The View. The View can't hold the audience as a lead in. That's obvious or AMC would still be around. It seems that OLTL was appointment television for its audience, not something we just "had on" during the day. Much like their insipid comments about the demographics of the soap audience, ABC has miscalculated in a MAJOR way. We aren't a bunch of fat, lazy losers with no lives who don't read books. We're educated, successful people who made it a point to watch a certain program and type of program. And we're incredibly loyal. Throwing away that demo is an instance of stupidity at it's finest. It's also ignorant snobbery. I'd put my degrees, experience, and IQ up against any network exec any day. "The guys just aren't very bright". But we are!
We'll see but, all kidding aside, this is a major fuck up for ABC but a fascinating case study for those of us in academia. The actual implosion of a network. But will they recover? That's the cliffhanger. Tune it tomorrow...or not.
Oh, and I'm being too professorial. ABC can BITE ME!!! There, I feel better.
I think the real mistake, regardless of my long term affection for AMC, is cancelling OLTL which was still a profitable program. I really think they didn't understand that it would be as big a blow to their line up as it's been and will be in the future. I think they thought the daytime audience was as they described. Ignorant house fraus who would watch any crap put in front of them. I doubt they imagined that we made an EFFORT to watch. My television now stays off all day if I'm home- which is rare. I'd turn it on if OLTL was on, but not in general.
Running shows five or six times a day maybe hid the actual viewing audience, muchless those who DVR the show. If almost four million people watched the ABC feed of the finale, how many REALLY watched and did so daily? People with six figure incomes? People with a lot of disposable income? People who were in their teens and tweens who would become lifetime viewers? People who would watch OLTL over anything else, like me? I'd say there were a lot!!
They really never thought this stuff was as popular as it was and that many people would watch it because THEY LIKED IT!!!Not because we're moronic sheep who need to fill our days.
I think that daytime and primetime may be merging and there may be no distinction soon. If these "men" had a braincell between them, they'd see they have a marketable product and get those rights back from PP- if they ever really handed them over to begin with- and see if they could fashion some nighttime programming out of them. GH is fine but it isn't the best one of the three.
But, it seems to be me, that if this primetime rumor is true, it won't be your current GH. It'll be looking a lot more like Llanview and less like Mob Wives.
ABC has affiliates to deal with in this matter. Yes, on ABC's owned and operated stations, they can handle the hit in ad revenue to some extent due to the show's being produced on the network level. The show is cheaper and brings in less- the ratios may work of cost to profit. The network's losing less money and can therefore support the lower income on the station level. In other words, the network makes more money in one area but loses it in another. They could see it as a wash. The loss is made up for in cutting production costs.
However, the affiliates don't have that option. They aren't producing the show, just running it. And if the numbers are in the toilet, they can't sell ad space. They then lose. They don't have anything to absorb that loss or make up for the deficit. If the affiliates want the time back, which may be starting VERY soon as these numbers may be going down, down, down, there will be a real problem. It's the Jay Leno/Conan situation all over again. ABC may want to give them the time back and therefore ABC daytime will not exist on a network level at all. I don't know. Maybe that's the intent.
Also, if the loss of OLTL's audience hurts the show before it and the lead in, then everyone loses. There's this concept called "flow" which means that all the shows work in a kind of a continuum that keep the audience watching all day. Each show kind of blends into the other and then there's a stream of viewers consistently who keep the TV on one station. Cutting OLTL broke the flow. Cutting AMC would have hurt the numbers for OLTL if it hadn't been strong enough to bring it's own audience. It seems that maybe OLTL was bringing in an audience for AMC and definitely The Chew as people had the show on as they were waiting for OLTL. Then viewers may have stuck around for GH after OLTL. That's how flow works.
Taking OLTL out of the equation could potentially hurt the whole line up, save The View. The View can't hold the audience as a lead in. That's obvious or AMC would still be around. It seems that OLTL was appointment television for its audience, not something we just "had on" during the day. Much like their insipid comments about the demographics of the soap audience, ABC has miscalculated in a MAJOR way. We aren't a bunch of fat, lazy losers with no lives who don't read books. We're educated, successful people who made it a point to watch a certain program and type of program. And we're incredibly loyal. Throwing away that demo is an instance of stupidity at it's finest. It's also ignorant snobbery. I'd put my degrees, experience, and IQ up against any network exec any day. "The guys just aren't very bright". But we are!
We'll see but, all kidding aside, this is a major fuck up for ABC but a fascinating case study for those of us in academia. The actual implosion of a network. But will they recover? That's the cliffhanger. Tune it tomorrow...or not.
Oh, and I'm being too professorial. ABC can BITE ME!!! There, I feel better.
ABC Daytime Can Bite Me, Part One
ABC is going down in flames and it's a wonderful thing.
I can't even express my joy in the complete and utter failure of others. It's as if there may be an upside for this loss. It's pain and embarrassment and humiliation and I am not ashamed to say I'm relishing every moment. Congratulations, ABC, on your bad business sense and lack of foresight.
Here's something my father taught me as a child. "You need to spend money to make money". And he's in the home improvement business, not running a major television network. Who would have thought a mere siding salesman from the Midwest would be more savvy than you all? I can assure you, I would and now it's proven. ABC= dumbasses. Siding salesmen in Chicago= not dumbasses.
Tim Gunn needs to get his bony, once fabulous ass back to Project Runway where he shines and is lovable. This venture stinks and I'm far too pleased to watch it tank. But I still, down deep, love Tim Gunn. Save yourself, Tim, and we'll forgive you. Run. Fast. Run, Tim Gunn!!
The rest of those "lifestyle advisors" can bite me!!! Yeah, I said it, and I'd be happy to say it to their faces. Maybe they could discuss my anger with me on the show and advise me on how to not be so hateful. But I doubt they'll have the money for the plane fare to Chicago. Maybe they can scrape together enough busfare for Ty Pennington so I can laugh in his face.
Here's what I'd pay to watch: Viki cold-cocking Pennington and Blair kicking him in the nuts as he's on the ground. Then, I'd like to see Todd laughing at it. Tim Gunn can apologize to Viki and she'll graciously accept and then he'll discuss Starr's wardrobe with her. Now, that's a show.
Suck it up, ABC, you fucked up. You fucked up BIG this time!! Admit your mistake, pull a mea culpa, and then give us our goddamn show back! Rebuild the sets. Hire Gary Tomlin to EP and Lorraine Broderick for HW and everyone else will show up. The cast is not THAT dispersed yet. I'm sure they could be gotten for their old salary, the price of a cocktail, and a BIG apology.
Okay, I know this will never happen. But a girl can dream, huh? I bet soon I could pay Pennington about fifty bucks to let me yell at him. He'll be unemployed and needing the cash. I see his future in the flesh trade. He'd better hurry, though. He's getting old.
I can't even express my joy in the complete and utter failure of others. It's as if there may be an upside for this loss. It's pain and embarrassment and humiliation and I am not ashamed to say I'm relishing every moment. Congratulations, ABC, on your bad business sense and lack of foresight.
Here's something my father taught me as a child. "You need to spend money to make money". And he's in the home improvement business, not running a major television network. Who would have thought a mere siding salesman from the Midwest would be more savvy than you all? I can assure you, I would and now it's proven. ABC= dumbasses. Siding salesmen in Chicago= not dumbasses.
Tim Gunn needs to get his bony, once fabulous ass back to Project Runway where he shines and is lovable. This venture stinks and I'm far too pleased to watch it tank. But I still, down deep, love Tim Gunn. Save yourself, Tim, and we'll forgive you. Run. Fast. Run, Tim Gunn!!
The rest of those "lifestyle advisors" can bite me!!! Yeah, I said it, and I'd be happy to say it to their faces. Maybe they could discuss my anger with me on the show and advise me on how to not be so hateful. But I doubt they'll have the money for the plane fare to Chicago. Maybe they can scrape together enough busfare for Ty Pennington so I can laugh in his face.
Here's what I'd pay to watch: Viki cold-cocking Pennington and Blair kicking him in the nuts as he's on the ground. Then, I'd like to see Todd laughing at it. Tim Gunn can apologize to Viki and she'll graciously accept and then he'll discuss Starr's wardrobe with her. Now, that's a show.
Suck it up, ABC, you fucked up. You fucked up BIG this time!! Admit your mistake, pull a mea culpa, and then give us our goddamn show back! Rebuild the sets. Hire Gary Tomlin to EP and Lorraine Broderick for HW and everyone else will show up. The cast is not THAT dispersed yet. I'm sure they could be gotten for their old salary, the price of a cocktail, and a BIG apology.
Okay, I know this will never happen. But a girl can dream, huh? I bet soon I could pay Pennington about fifty bucks to let me yell at him. He'll be unemployed and needing the cash. I see his future in the flesh trade. He'd better hurry, though. He's getting old.
Immaturity and Arrogance in Chicago: Neener, Neener, Neener, ABC Daytime!
http://www.soapoperanetwork.com/news/ratings-gh-hits-new-lows
I....LOVE..............THIS!!!!!
It's mean and immature and vindictive...but I don't care. There's nothing like seeing proof of ABC's massive fuck up in print. And seeing GH tank is the best proof of that! Saving that bloated mess rife with divas and attitudes and cancelling the quality, quiet show was moronic at best. Seeing that it was pretty obvious that OLTL was helping GH maintain their already crappy numbers is sweet, although anyone with any sense could have seen it. Without the strong lead in, GH tanks- losing 384,000 in one week while all the other shows go up. What does that tell you, ABC??? Maybe you cancelled the wrong show? Maybe you could have used OLTL's numbers for another six months while we all watch GH descend into Passions territory.
I foresee cancellation in the next week or two. I will fell a little bad but not really. GH is a mess and a symbol of everything that's been wrong with ABCD for years. This final boneheaded move is just further proof of their incompetence and arrogance. So, I'd like to amend my usual rant tonight in light of this news. Not only can ABC bite me, but so can all the obnoxious people at GH who thought they were better and were none too upset about OLTL being cancelled. No names, of course, but that's not necessary. So, fill in the blank, but you can bite me, too!!! Your show was being carried by its lead in and now, we can see how successful it is on its own. Which, BTW, is not at all.
Let the pink slips fly, Valentini!!This loser's over! Cut the costs as the bottom line is all that matters now. Let there be a bloodbath beginning at the top and then work your way down. Then, fill in with OLTL actors and characters galore and watch those numbers rebound!! I'm already on board for the Todd and Blair week. Extend it, if Howarth will agree, and make it TNB Spring with Viki visiting and then, hell, just move the whole show to Llanview and we'll all close our eyes and pretend it's Llanfair, not the Quartermaine mansion.
I'm sure everyone would be game. Let's all play pretend. Pretend Port Charles is Llanview. Pretend GH is OLTL. And pretend it won't be cancelled anyway. I'm up for it. It's all not real anyway. Let's enjoy our spring and summer and let ABC make a little money in the process. I won't hold it against them! I'm easy. Just give me what I want and I'm yours. Disposable income and all!!
I....LOVE..............THIS!!!!!
It's mean and immature and vindictive...but I don't care. There's nothing like seeing proof of ABC's massive fuck up in print. And seeing GH tank is the best proof of that! Saving that bloated mess rife with divas and attitudes and cancelling the quality, quiet show was moronic at best. Seeing that it was pretty obvious that OLTL was helping GH maintain their already crappy numbers is sweet, although anyone with any sense could have seen it. Without the strong lead in, GH tanks- losing 384,000 in one week while all the other shows go up. What does that tell you, ABC??? Maybe you cancelled the wrong show? Maybe you could have used OLTL's numbers for another six months while we all watch GH descend into Passions territory.
I foresee cancellation in the next week or two. I will fell a little bad but not really. GH is a mess and a symbol of everything that's been wrong with ABCD for years. This final boneheaded move is just further proof of their incompetence and arrogance. So, I'd like to amend my usual rant tonight in light of this news. Not only can ABC bite me, but so can all the obnoxious people at GH who thought they were better and were none too upset about OLTL being cancelled. No names, of course, but that's not necessary. So, fill in the blank, but you can bite me, too!!! Your show was being carried by its lead in and now, we can see how successful it is on its own. Which, BTW, is not at all.
Let the pink slips fly, Valentini!!This loser's over! Cut the costs as the bottom line is all that matters now. Let there be a bloodbath beginning at the top and then work your way down. Then, fill in with OLTL actors and characters galore and watch those numbers rebound!! I'm already on board for the Todd and Blair week. Extend it, if Howarth will agree, and make it TNB Spring with Viki visiting and then, hell, just move the whole show to Llanview and we'll all close our eyes and pretend it's Llanfair, not the Quartermaine mansion.
I'm sure everyone would be game. Let's all play pretend. Pretend Port Charles is Llanview. Pretend GH is OLTL. And pretend it won't be cancelled anyway. I'm up for it. It's all not real anyway. Let's enjoy our spring and summer and let ABC make a little money in the process. I won't hold it against them! I'm easy. Just give me what I want and I'm yours. Disposable income and all!!
"The All Stars of ABC Soap Opera" Coming Soon to a Set Near You!
Okay, if Valentini and Carlivati are trying to woo me specifically to GH, they are definitely on the right path! Granted, I know there are millions out there like me, but I was raised as an entitled Jewish Princess who thinks she's the center of the universe. I'm saying it must be cultural. Yeah, that's it. And, yes, I'm busy cultivating more like me in the new generation.
Frisco Jones? Really? Frisco's coming? Hell yeah! It's becoming "The General Hospital All Stars of the 1980s and 1990s with Addison's Favorite Featured Players from Other Shows". If Felicia comes, which may be problematic due to her real life divorce from real life Frisco, then it's a lock that I'm there, too. So, Campers, let's review:
Characters I loved from GH back in the day: Robert, Luke, Anna, Holly, Scotty, Lucy, Frisco, Felicia, Shawn, Tiffany, Bobbie, Tony. Okay, I get that Shawn and Tiff are not happening. Tony died in a death scene that brought me back to watch and still makes me cry like a baby. Especially him saying that he's seeing BJ. OMG, so f'in' fabulous. Brad Maule is one of the greats and never gets the recognition he deserves, BTW. Couldn't he appear in a dream to Frisco? Actually, this is looking like a middle age soap fan's dream GH line up.
Let's move on and get to the reason I'm posting this at all. I know I abuse ABC on a weekly basis. However, I am willing to completely change course and be their bitch if they do what I want in this instance. I suggest an ABC All Star line up that can work in a novella format. The GH cycle, the OLTL cycle, and the AMC cycle. Of course, three half hour shows would be great, but beggars can't be choosers. Here's what could be done:
The GH one is perfect as is, with Felicia, of course, and some of the young-in's. Lucky, fine, Robin, great. I'm not familiar with the others and, really, I don't care about them so they can all go away. The Mob? No. It's over. Move on unless they reunite Sonny with Brenda and bring back OG Lois and Ned, even though there are also those pesky real life issues with those two. (GH had a lot of characters marrying leading to real life marriages leading to real divorces. Don't muck it up, people! Real life shouldn't get involved in our characters!!It's irritating!)
OLTL needs to be all Mannings and Lords all the time, with the Buchs and Nora, of course!! Tina, Cord, Viki, Clint, Dorian, David, Bo, Matthew and the new baby, I suppose is fine. I needs me some Jack and Todd snarkfest and cute little Sam. I'll even take McBain as he doesn't irritate me but Natalie is much better on her own, IMO. Jess needs a LONG break. Like LONG!!! SNV needs to go off with his harpy and the new spawn and re-Rayburn Dani. They don't make the All Star List, IMO. They're second stringers to me, like Twitchy Rex and the Roadrunner... I mean Gigi....and drippy Shane. There are enough REAL Lords and Buchs to make up the "loss".
Last, but not least, is the AMC All Stars which I think will be most controversial. Ducking for cover, but NOT an Erica fan. Wasn't in 1975, not in 1985, not in the new millenium, not ever. I need an Adam Chandler/David Hayward/Tad and Jake Martin Show!! Bring in a Kendall and Zach once in a while but NO RYAN or GREENLEE EVER!!! They were the deathknell. They actually repel ratings points as opposed to attract them. Really, someone make CamMat Kelly Ripa's partner on that insipid morning crapfest and keep him off my screen forever. I wish him great success in a forum I can happily avoid. Now, someone hit Cady Mc in the head or something and bring back her chemistry with MEK and make Brooke the matriarch of the Chandler clan and I'm super happy.
I know this won't happen but, man, a girl can dream. Besides, it's Superbowl Sunday. If the guys get their "big game", why can't we? Ricky Martin could do the breaks, huh? Well, maybe that's going too far................
Frisco Jones? Really? Frisco's coming? Hell yeah! It's becoming "The General Hospital All Stars of the 1980s and 1990s with Addison's Favorite Featured Players from Other Shows". If Felicia comes, which may be problematic due to her real life divorce from real life Frisco, then it's a lock that I'm there, too. So, Campers, let's review:
Characters I loved from GH back in the day: Robert, Luke, Anna, Holly, Scotty, Lucy, Frisco, Felicia, Shawn, Tiffany, Bobbie, Tony. Okay, I get that Shawn and Tiff are not happening. Tony died in a death scene that brought me back to watch and still makes me cry like a baby. Especially him saying that he's seeing BJ. OMG, so f'in' fabulous. Brad Maule is one of the greats and never gets the recognition he deserves, BTW. Couldn't he appear in a dream to Frisco? Actually, this is looking like a middle age soap fan's dream GH line up.
Let's move on and get to the reason I'm posting this at all. I know I abuse ABC on a weekly basis. However, I am willing to completely change course and be their bitch if they do what I want in this instance. I suggest an ABC All Star line up that can work in a novella format. The GH cycle, the OLTL cycle, and the AMC cycle. Of course, three half hour shows would be great, but beggars can't be choosers. Here's what could be done:
The GH one is perfect as is, with Felicia, of course, and some of the young-in's. Lucky, fine, Robin, great. I'm not familiar with the others and, really, I don't care about them so they can all go away. The Mob? No. It's over. Move on unless they reunite Sonny with Brenda and bring back OG Lois and Ned, even though there are also those pesky real life issues with those two. (GH had a lot of characters marrying leading to real life marriages leading to real divorces. Don't muck it up, people! Real life shouldn't get involved in our characters!!It's irritating!)
OLTL needs to be all Mannings and Lords all the time, with the Buchs and Nora, of course!! Tina, Cord, Viki, Clint, Dorian, David, Bo, Matthew and the new baby, I suppose is fine. I needs me some Jack and Todd snarkfest and cute little Sam. I'll even take McBain as he doesn't irritate me but Natalie is much better on her own, IMO. Jess needs a LONG break. Like LONG!!! SNV needs to go off with his harpy and the new spawn and re-Rayburn Dani. They don't make the All Star List, IMO. They're second stringers to me, like Twitchy Rex and the Roadrunner... I mean Gigi....and drippy Shane. There are enough REAL Lords and Buchs to make up the "loss".
Last, but not least, is the AMC All Stars which I think will be most controversial. Ducking for cover, but NOT an Erica fan. Wasn't in 1975, not in 1985, not in the new millenium, not ever. I need an Adam Chandler/David Hayward/Tad and Jake Martin Show!! Bring in a Kendall and Zach once in a while but NO RYAN or GREENLEE EVER!!! They were the deathknell. They actually repel ratings points as opposed to attract them. Really, someone make CamMat Kelly Ripa's partner on that insipid morning crapfest and keep him off my screen forever. I wish him great success in a forum I can happily avoid. Now, someone hit Cady Mc in the head or something and bring back her chemistry with MEK and make Brooke the matriarch of the Chandler clan and I'm super happy.
I know this won't happen but, man, a girl can dream. Besides, it's Superbowl Sunday. If the guys get their "big game", why can't we? Ricky Martin could do the breaks, huh? Well, maybe that's going too far................
ABC Daytime Can Bite Me, Part 8,456,792
The Revolution Averaging 1.3 in Households so Far This Week; Down 43 Percent From OLTL
I couldn't be happier. GH went up a little but it's still comfortably at the bottom. It gained about 90,000 I think, OLTL viewers, maybe giving FV/RC some support, but it's dismal. OLTL decimated the line up but I've talked about this incessantly, I'm even boring myself. But the bad business decisions are a gift that keeps on giving.
Meanwhile, CBS is in clover. The Talk, the insipid shit fest, is going through the roof. B&B, possibly the worst soap I've ever seen (and I watched AMC for some of it's last year) had it's highest ratings in three years. What does that tell you?
Again, Congratulations, You Feeble-minded Douchebags at ABC! Here's to your life of prosperity while those people who were successful in making the ratings goals that you gave them are unemployed. GOOD JOB!! Reward success with pink slips. Oh, and live long and prosper, Nimnuts, while I hear that the Revolution is comfortably in the red ink territory even though it costs $.10 to produce. You're saving money on production but losing money in the long run while you still made money on OLTL even though it cost more to produce.
Here's another lesson I learned from my father, the home improvement guy in Chicago. Making money is good. Losing money is bad, even if you spent less to lose it. You still lost it, you Dumbasses!!! Enjoy refunding those advertisers their money for February!!! Maybe it will come out of your golden parachute as there's very few left to take paycuts to make up for your incompetence.
I know ABC looks leaner now to sell. But, know what, Pookie Pie, it also looks like a dismal failure that no one in their right mind would want to buy. It's a sinking hole of loserdom. It's where ratings go to die. Oh, and one more bit of insight from the siding salesman. Being bankrupt in a Mercedes and an expensive suit, still means you're bankrupt. And, this time, it's all your fault. No more deriding and degrading a money making enterprise to pass the buck. It's all on you now.
I'll be sure to wave at you all in the unemployment line as I go off to work. Maybe I'll through you a quarter, but I doubt it. I'll send it to CBS
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