Looks Like Todd's Going Down...And Not in the Good Way...Yet Anyway!!

I guess he'll save that for the next time he sees Blair...sorry eight Codd fans. I think he may be thinking about how Anna would be, though.  Alas, he'll never get that chance. 

It's about over and it can come fast enough for me. Off with his head, People, bring on the Villagers with Pitchforks from both Llanview and Port Charles. I think the currently bulked up Carly may be leading the pack.  But she can't be the leader as she can't keep up the pace... she's pulling up the rear, if you know what I mean.  The dark, long sweater ain't working, Toots. Spin class or private sector. Take your pick.

I’m actually shocked by how badly Todd is  being portrayed in this whole “baby”mess.  I can’t say I’m that interested but, from what I’ve seen, he’s being a bad, bad boy.  I'm feeling sorry for Johnny, who's seriously slimy.  But Todd’s being him and making the mess even worse.  Bad Todd. You should remember that the cover up is always worse than the crime. But you never remember anything.

I’m so over the fuckery, I don’t even care to discuss it. I’m sure there may be one or two more silly scenes that go nowhere, if even that, but Todd’s two declarations in two weeks make the issue dead to me…as dead as the Cod I saw in the grocery store freezer.  “We’re not like that” and “We’re friends” said with no hesitation, no trepidation, no nothing.  Just simple, matter of fact, and to the point. Now if Carly has her ideas, I don’t care. That’s her problem. But I’m not seeing it.

So, back to the point.  Todd Manning is going down, down, down. And he’s about to hit the point of no return. He’s got the main proponents of Team Hatred on his ass and their about to bust him. I can’t believe I’m about to say this-  THANK GOD!! It can’t come soon enough for me. I can’t stand Todd Manning, upstanding citizen. Even though he’s not. But he appears to be. I hate that. He’s dull, he’s drab, and he’s no fun at all.  Well, maybe a little. But not as fun as he could be. How's that?

Bring on Todd Manning, the Town Pariah, and let the games begin!  Bring on the scorn and derision and the rumors are a-flying.  My favorite, of course, is that he’s represented by my old boyfriend, Scotty Baldwin, and there’s snarkalicious fun for all. Now that’s something to write home about.  Not the crap we’ve gotten lately.

If this were true, I’d be one happy camper with nothing but love all around. Another great rumor that probably will be better than the show.  But, hey, a girl can dream.  So, bring on the hatred. Bring on the yelling and the lawsuits and the threats of violence. Hell, I’m even itching for some crazy Tea spewing venom. Bring her on.  I’ve missed her!! Compared to Carly’s fat ass in those hideous jeans, I’d take a Ford brother. Just get her off my screen…or at least away from my character.  Then I FF her whenever possible.

I read another rumor that she’s out in February and that rumor about her going to Y&R seems to have some legs. Could it be true?  Could she ride off into the sunset with her twu wuv, Jax, and be away from me forever?  Sounds good…but too good. I’m not that lucky…but maybe I am.

Bring on Viki and Clint and Blair and Nu-Jack. Hell, I’d take old-Jack, I don’t care. Just bring ‘em back, pitchforks in hand.  Except for Blair. We know what she’ll be holding……well, soon enough.

Now That's a "GILF": Bring on the Buchanan!!

Well, finally some good news!! Howsaboutthemapples, kids?  I hear that the mags report that the luscious JVD is in meetings with Valentini.

I knew this year was looking better than last.  I LOVE HIM!!! Who wouldn't?  Look at this!!!

Let me explain. I was never a Clint fan. In fact, I disliked him.  Maybe because as a very small child, I was crazy about Lee Patterson's Joe Reily. I think I was about four or so and Viki and Joe were my first soap couple. I thought he was adorable. I think I may have had crushes on Michael Jackson and Clark Gable first, but Joe was right up there....Hey, I've always been into diversity.  Old, African American, Dead, I love 'em all.  Who thought I'd revert to form and go "all Jewish all the time" in my adult life?  Must be in the genes, and it hasn't gone well for me. But, oh well, I digress....

So, at any rate, I may have  never liked Clint for that reason. He wasn't Joe and as a child, I resented his place in Viki's life. But that's not all of it. I thought Clint Richie was icky. He looked like he drank too much and chewed tobacco and smelled of whoknowswhat.  Come on, I was raised on the North Shore of Chicago and was about six before I realized the majority of the world wasn't Jewish. I was shocked!! Let's say, "cowboys who were a little worse for wear" were not in my playbook. Thus, never a Clint fan.

I liked him more than Asa who I really detested.....throw rocks now....okay, done hiding from jeers.

I never liked Asa. I thought Phil Carey sucked as an actor- I could see him reading his lines from a teleprompter or cue cards or whatever- and he was just a less icky version of Clint who was meaner.

I like my bad guys to be slick or funny but not icky.  Adam- slick and distinguished and hot, in some way I can't explain.

David- slick and hot and brilliant and did I say HOT?  

Todd- funny...not hot to me and sometimes a little icky- sorry, fans- but a nice dresser!!  And did I say funny?  More funny than icky and mostly icky in the Tea years.  UGH, that hair and a shower was always needed.

So, besides Bo who makes me all schmoopy as he's a "Bo", I was not a Buchanan fan. I could have had them all leave besides Bo as he's the quintessential good guy needed on every show.  Sigh....Bo.......But, again, I digress.

 Imagine my amazement when I returned to see Clint had been recast with the spectacularly hot JVD!! I mean, come on, look at this sumptuous Senior?  He's a fucking doll!

Now, I can see how people were unhappy as his character changed...which he did... but changed for the better to me. I loved him. He was slick and almost never wore the icky cowboy hat but still brandished a gun and got a bit meaner and he was HOT!!! Did I mention that?  Maybe but want to be sure to make it clear.  THIS DUDE IS HOT!!! He's a GILF. That's all that needs to be said.  All retired dudes in Palm Desert on the golf course should look like this. Then I'd happily buy a condo there, not do so under duress. Show me the JVDs around town, Mr. Fun Gay Realtor, and I'm in.  Showing me the great gay bars to party in might make me want to vacation.  JVDs makes me want to move in!! 

Well, Clint won me over. It wasn't just his looks- did I say hot?-it was his new manner. He was less rough and weary. He was smart but edgy.  I loved Nora but she was wrong to even hook up with Clint and he was wrong to hook up with his brother's ex. It was a disaster waiting to happen. Thankfully, my BILs are, well, let's be polite and say "Not my type"...even though they don't read this.  Even the Jewish one...no, just, no. So, that was wrong and all deserved what they got.

I loved his relationship with Nat and Matthew. I loved his "time" with Kim, as I was never a Viki/Clint fan and still am not but am fine as I love them both. But a break wouldn't break me.  He was smart and sweet and hip and everything I never thought Clint was- sexy!

How spectacular is he here?  How can you not love this guy? I don't get it.  He's so, well, perfect!!

 JVD's Clint wouldn't chew tobacco, and that's fine with me. A departure? Yes. But I don't care. I'm a devout hypocrite.  Changes to the other male leads I love must not happen- or at least be cleared with me first!  Todd may have done some icky things but he's still Todd to me.  TSJ's Todd? No. That was unacceptable. Howarth's- yes, just in the fuckery. But still Todd.

So, bring on Clint. I can't wait.  Beat the shit out of John. Make trouble at whatever business they have in PC. I'm too uninterested to know what that is. But I don't care. Make trouble for Todd as, well, he's Todd.  BRING ON THE BUCHANAN!! Make Tracy weak in the knees- Tracy and Clint in a scene?  That has all kinds of win all over it.  Bring it on!!

And, we all know the drill, if Clint's coming, can the little lady be far behind?  I miss Viki.  And maybe, just maybe, little bro.  The world needs some "Bo" right now. I know I do............

Am I being greedy and selfish- Hell Yeah!! What about it? Next up, Dorian and David...bet on it. Blair's a given.

Yes, things are looking up. But can I request a little Nora...please?

Grief, Loss, and the Serial Drama: The New Year in Chicago

Happy New Year! I hope 5772 is better than 5771 for all of you.

Now, I know many of you will have no clue what I'm talking about but this is my blog and therefore it's my rules.  My culture celebrates New Years differently and this is our timeline. We're old at heart and tend to be a bit morose, so it's a long, drawn out holiday with a lot of pontificating and fasting and atoning for sins. It is,  in the words of one wise soul, "kind of a downer with a lot of talking and then suffering and then followed by a lot of eating". In other words, it's a very Jewish thing.  

I found this year to be outrageously hideous in terms of loss and grief. I know, I'm being a downer, but it's true. I lost much of what I hold dear in some form or another and, well, it sucks. In many ways, I lost my mother, my aunt, my sister, several children I adore, a best friend, and a favorite past time. Besides the past time, the rest all exist but not to me and it's heart breaking. Truly. There's no chance they'll return except maybe the children if I chose to be evil...which I often do! But not now.

Loss is hard and terrible but it would seem as if there has to be some rhyme or reason to it. There can't be just loss and that's it. There has to be something positive that comes out of it. Yet, for the life of me, I can't seem to find it. My culture makes this holiday religious and looks to God and so forth, but I'm not interested in that. I want to know what I can do to make this year better and deal with the loss I've encountered. How can I look at it and make it not so terrible? How can I make sense of it all?

As I've said before, I always watched soap operas and they were all about my family to me. I made them my life's work in academia and made friends watching them. They were significant in so many ways to me that I can't say "It's just a TV Show". I don't put them up there with life, liberty, and the pursuit of justice, but they're up there to some extent. I'm just not joining a picket line for them.

I suppose every loss is leading you in a new direction. Let's say that taking Todd and putting him on GH was not losing OLTL, but giving the show a new life elsewhere. I see that. I'm not sure I like it but I like it better than it just being gone. So, in some ways, that works. Yet often it doesn't feel that way. It seems strange as maybe I don't like the new one as much...or at all...and that makes the loss even worse.

I have a particular issue with people who still look basically the same but act differently.  I have to deal with Alzheimers eating away at my mother’s brain, and my aunt’s, and turning them into people who look like the women I loved, but they aren’t there anymore. Once in a while, there will be an obnoxious crack from my aunt and I know, deep down, she’s still there. But seeing her disappear again doesn’t just make the moment poignant but outrageously painful.

I never see that with my mother anymore. She's just lost in her own head.

I have to watch people who I loved and were sources of fun and comfort walk away at a time when they’re needed most. Although they look like those people I loved and enjoyed, they can’t be as they wouldn’t act this way.  The scariest part is maybe they never were the people I saw. Maybe they were always pretending to be something they aren’t. That’s painful as I believed in something, and dedicated myself to it, only to see it be a sham.  They’re still there but they aren’t the people I know and loved as those people never existed.

Then there are those people who were taken from me by no choice of their own. They want to come back and they’re still the same, only distance and circumstance keep them away.  Those people, the ones who are innocent, are the ones who keep me optimistic as maybe, some day, I’ll get  them back. One day maybe I’ll open the door and they’ll be there. That would be nice.

Ya see, this can all be related to the loss of the past time.  I was wrong when I thought these shows would be around forever. I was wrong when I believed that they could be some kind of a constant in an ever changing life. In the same way,  I was wrong when I thought you could keep people as you saw them and they wouldn’t be turned into something else. But, maybe, just maybe, some of them will come back again and be just as they always were. As if nothing has changed.

This year, maybe, things will be reborn. Maybe I had to lose things to get new things that may not be better, but what they are- new. Maybe I had to lose OLTL and AMC to get a new show that has the best of both.  Maybe I’m being given back GH which I left 20 years ago. Funny, though as I didn’t miss it for a minute. But I miss OLTL and AMC all the time.

Yet, I admit, I’m trepidatious. I’m not sure I’ll like my characters when I see them now. I’m not sure I like Starr. She’s whiny as the ingenue and not pretty enough to be a lead. Sorry, Toots, it’s a fact.  Was the old Starr a facade? Was she an illusion I bought into?  Or did she just grow up to be dull?  I guess we’ll see.

I don’t know about Todd but I’m happy enough to wait. I see enough of what I enjoyed to be optimistic but the fuckery took its toll and I need old Todd back STAT. I’ve got little left of that old show and it’s all on his shoulders. He literally is carrying OLTL on his back. That’s quite a feat and I think the character and the actor are strong enough to do it. But he can’t do it forever. And that braying nag who has been with him is making me want to quit forever. Can’t he be in scenes with Tracy and Anna and John, for God’s sake. It’s a new year, Guys, how about that for a resolution? No more Codd crap. Let the fuckery end.

I’ll be hopeful that one day, I’ll turn on my TV and see Todd open his door to Viki. I know he’s getting Blair, so that’s more a matter of “when”, not “only if”.  But, I have to admit, as much as I love Todd and Blair, I am Todd and Viki’s bitch. I could watch them talk about nothing all day.  I just love it. It not only is amusing, but it feels like home. I could use that right about now.

So, I’ll focus on that as I head into the end of my holiday season. I know that I won’t be getting the people back I miss in real life, so I’ll focus on the “reel” life….for now.  Sadly enough, I think there’s a better chance there.

The High Holidays are about atoning for your sins from the last year to start fresh as the new one begins.  I can’t say I’ve had too many sins to atone for this past year, except for calling Carlivati “Nimnuts” and making cracks about Laura Wright’s gigantic ass and terrible bleach job. Other than that, I’m not sure I sinned at all. 

See, told you it was a bad year.  Maybe this one will be better.  What's life without a little sin?

"Llanview Today"- Now That's a Winner of a Talk Show!!

As Katie tanks, I have a great idea. If ABC insists on having talk shows, why not have one that's entertaining. I think they should go back to the old Fernwood Tonight  model and have a talk show hosted by fictional characters in a fictional town.  That was brilliant!! My suggestion- Llanview Today with Viki Buchanan.  Now, that's a winner.

If you're too young or uncool to know the original, it was an absolutely spectacular parody of talk shows with Martin Mull and Fred Willard. They played the Johnny and Ed types, with a serious edge and intelligence challenges, and it took place in fictional Fernwood, Ohio. They had the whacky bandleader and all the crazies in town were their guests. So funny, so smart, and so NOT dated.

OMG, Jerry Hubbard's warning to the aliens...I just can't...give me a moment to compose myself...

Okay, here's my pitch. The problem with Katie is she's so damn smarmy and unlikable. She's like a pixie with an attitude. She's not very bright and certainly not hitting the right spot with the ladyfolk!  They want Oprah fans, they need a woman with some compassion. A woman who cares and who can cry right there with you. I suggest- Viki Buchanan!

Think about it. She's not that cute as she's of a certain age. That's good. She's not a perpetual teenager with a smile epoxied on her annoying face.  She's smart but not intimidating. She's warm and personable, like Oprah. In fact, she's rich as Hell, like Oprah, but not throwing it in your face. She's classy, as well, but not snotty.  She's Oprah with a pedigree.  She's perfect!

Can't you see it? She could interview Carlotta about how it feels to be a single mom and run a diner in a two bit town. She could interview Roxy about her inability to be able to recognize her own children or realize who she had them with...or when...or how many.  She could also interview the psychic chick, regularly, and have her do readings on the audience- made up of all fictional people, as well.

I like it. I'd watch it. Of course, for sweeps, she could interview her nemesis, Dorian Lord, and ask her how it feels to be a lame duck senator. Then, she could do an expose about Dorian's crazy marriage and her husband's flagrant infidelity.  That would be a ratings dynamo!! They could end it with an extreme close up of Dorian, fuming with anger, and attacking David.

Maybe Viki could interview other fictional people from other ABC shows. She could interview Kate about DID and they could cry together, like Oprah did. She could interview Erica Kane about how it feels to be overrated and untalented. She could have on Jesse and Angie and discuss how they stay so fucking cool even as they age.  It's hard to keep a marriage when you're both so tortured but ever so fabulous.

My favorite, of course, would be that very special Llanview Today when she invites her family on to wish her well and Todd and Tina rip into one another for being selfish and one dimensional.  I think that could be a special moment as Viki would have to rip them new ones, lose her cool, and show the audience that she is "one of us". She does lose her patience with her asshole siblings and, at the end, she could look into the camera and tell us how we all have family strife but we get through it because we love one another. And that's all that matters.

She could interview my boyfriend, David Hayward, about how he brings people back from the dead. She could admonish him about his treachery and potential abuse in the guise of being a benefactor.  I can see it now, they could do an extreme close up of her righteous indignation and then cross cut to his smarmy, yet oh so hot, face- looking smug and contrite. Now, that's must-see TV!

She could counsel women who love the wrong men and she could interview Blair. 'Nuff said there, huh? She could hold Blair's hand gently as she cries about how she can't live without Todd and couldn't go through with her marriage to Fatmas.  Viki could comfort her and tell her it's okay, that she just loves too much.

 Meanwhile, they could flash to Viki's GILF of a husband, Clint played by the luscious JVD, ala Dr. Phil's wife, in the audience, nodding his head and dabbing his eyes as he is brought to tears by the tender moment. She could then have Clint speak to Blair about how he often took Viki for granted but now knows better.  They could close in on Viki, looking touched and happy, and to Todd, looking grumpy, as he hates Clint.  But he'd make an effort as he loves Blair, and Viki would embrace him for that.

That's what you want, ABC!! There could be fun as Nigel has a weekly "buttling" segment in how to best serve rich people.  Lois could be on call to serve cookies and maybe show us how to cook them and then explain why she never served the oft-requested pork rinds at Llanfair.  They could easily get their own shows, ala Dr. Phil or Dr. Oz.  There could be infinite potential spin-offs here.

   
We could have "Hooking It Up With Tina" as she interviews all the sluts of ABC Shows. There could be a TMZ-like show produced by Todd and starring Jack.  Oh, there are no limits here.  I love them all.  Maybe Jack could use the Tom Green format..........

 Still so f'in' funny...............Sorry, have to compose myself again.............


That's all you need. You had Fraternity Row and it was brilliant. Now, here's your idea, Frank. Run with it.  I don't even need credit. Just make it happen!

This is all you need- fun, friendship, family, and fiction!  That's the formula. As we all know, reality is too phoney.  Just look at Katie.  Yuck.

Oh, and just because it's too brilliant........

That's a talk show!!!!!!!!!!!

Katie Couric, The City That Works, and the CTU: What Really Matters

So I see that the ratings are trickling in for The Katie Couric "I'm Massively Overpaid" Hour and she's still not beating OLTL in any way that matters as she's costing twice as much. How nice. Good for you all.  That's special. There's just one question I have-who cares?  Really, who cares?  In the grand scheme of things, does it matter at all? The answer- No.

Guess what does-

Ya see this. This is real. This is important. It's a symbol of democracy in action and the City that Works.

On Monday, over 50,000 Union Members and Supporters flooded the streets of the Chicago Loop in a show of support for the Chicago Teacher's Union.  Moving in and around the Loop, stopping traffic and blocking streets at the height of evening rush, were the striking teachers, parents, children, and members of other unions who rallied in support of the CTU- like me.  I'm a proud and active member of the NEA/IEA and I was honored to take part in this as my union rallied to their cause. It's a moment in time that shows what really matters- life, liberty, and the pursuit of justice. It was a wonderful sight.

The crowd returned and shut down LaSalle Street and the Chase Plaza on Tuesday with bands and chants of "Na, Na, Na, Hey, Hey, Good bye".  On Wednesday, they spread out to the individual schools and kept the picket lines booming.  On Thursday morning, once again they were outside the Board of Education Building with the giant, inflatable rat. Fellow union workers who built this city and keep it going to this day, honked their horns in support as anyone who is in a union knows every strike is about an issue but also about all of our rights to exist and collectively bargain.  Oh, and FUCK YOU, SCOTT WALKER!!!

The South Loop is the home of the administrative offices of the Board of the Chicago School District, so that's why it was centered there.  However, the South Loop is also the Financial District and "University Row". It's home to most major schools in the City, besides U of C, UIC, and Loyola. The rest of us reside there and it seemed to be an appropriate spot for a show of support for educators who fall victim to financial concerns. It was a wonderful time to be a union educator in this town, so built around Labor.  I couldn't have been prouder of my union status, my politics, and my city.  Not since the Obama Election Night Rally was I more proud to be a liberal Chicago native. And I've rarely been so sure it will all work out for the best.  

So, this morning, as I'm also a proud supporter of Mayor Rahm Emanuel, known to my students as "my boyfriend, Rahm" and my friends as "The One That Got Away" or "That Ugly, Adorable, Smart MOT from Wilmette", I was very pleased to hear that talks were going well and may be near a settlement.  Hopefully, when you read this on Friday, Karen Lewis, head of the CTU, and the Board have reached a compromise.  Luckily, I see no "bad guys" here- just genuine dispute.

That's the Dude- In front of his flag!

Ya see, this is real. This matters. This is about life and death and the future and respect and being responsible for the future, but also loyal to the past.  I know this is "off topic" to some extent, but it's not. It's about fighting for what's right and what matters. I keep thinking about NLG's tweet that GH fans should show ABC what the people want.  Really, Nancy, we should? Should we picket like this? Should we send a city into disarray over programming?  I don't know. I don't see it. I don't think it's important enough.

I think NLG should if it matters that much to her. Then she can tell Katie Couric to stop trying to pretend she gives a crap when she doesn't. I hear she's trying to be "relatable" and "one of us".  Guess what, Toots, you're not! And you don't want to be...or you would.  You don't try to make something of yourself in the face of unbeatable odds for little to no compensation or respect. You don't sacrifice for a job you love that actually matters as you have an impact on the world. You get paid a lot of money to look cute and pretend to be a journalist.  In other words, you're irrelevant.

Look, I think cultural texts are important and do mean something. But I think Katie's bullshit show with Heidi Fucking Klum and her new boyfriend doesn't mean squat. I don't care who the multi-millionare model is fucking now that she dumped Seal.  I care about the teacher making $50,000, if she's lucky, and dealing with kids who have no parental support and she's being told her job is on the line because that kid can't take a standardized test and get acceptable numbers. I care about that, Katie, not a woman with a flesh eating disease.

Get a grip, Honey. If you want Oprah numbers, then get down in the dirt and live with the real people. We liked soap operas because they weren't real. They were silly and fun and not supposed to be getting to the heart of who were are as a nation. It's called entertainment.

Look, ABC, you want to give us information?  Then do it.  Don't pay that insipid Twit God knows how much to condescend to us.  Give us info we can use.  And then get your ass to Chicago and any other place that really matters. And go talk to a teacher walking the picket line with a kid walking beside her, asking the Board to treat them both better.

That's what matters. Not Barbara Fucking Streisand.  Now, give Frank her money and get back to the escapist shit. This crap is embarrassing.  And it's about as real as Llanview...but I think Llanview was a helluva lot more fun.

And Viki was someone who gave a shit.  I MISS VIKI!!!She'd walk the picket line.....

She was one of the people....................Oh, and support your public and private unions everywhere.  They support you.

OMG, Just Die Already: GH Drops the Ball on the "Excitement" Factor

OMG, watching GH live on Friday made me wish I drank the water in PC. It was so damn dull I wished I was dead. If not me, at least all the people on my screen. Even Todd. SHUT UP AND DIE ALREADY!!!

I was wrong when I said this show was dull before. I hadn't seen anything till I saw this. How can the mass execution of an entire town, people extorting money, imminent reveals of earth shattering secrets, and massive pain and destruction on the cusp of occurring be THIS DULL?

Oh, yeah, it's GH.  That's how.

Really, Frank, what the Hell are you doing over there?  The Blackout on OLTL was infinitely more entertaining than this crap. But, you can't even compare the two shows then, can you?  That show was great. This show sucks massive donkey balls. It's not your fault. You got the shaft and are stuck with this loser. Just make it better...NOW!!We have faith in you, Dude, but it's starting to wain.

This was like watching a dull version of "Waiting for Godot"...well, that's dull on it's own. This made that borefest seem like an action film

"Where's Jerry?" "I don't know"
"Where's Jerry?" "Maybe he's screwing us?"
"Where's Jerry?" "I'm worried about Carly"


ENOUGH ALREADY!!  Do you really expect us to believe that all those men are interested in middle aged Laura Wright with the bleached out hair and that outrageously huge ass. GET HER OUT OF THOSE JEANS ALREADY!! THAT ASS IS ECLIPSING THE SUN!! She looks like an old pole dancer who let herself go.  Really, Hon, try pilates or spin class. Or, as I said before, life in the private sector. No one cares about your size there.

Oh, and cute fuckery moment that was a massive anvil where Todd says he should stay as he hasn't hurt her and she looks touched.  Keep looking touched, Toots, he's the one ruining your BFF's life and holding your uncle hostage- by proxy.  Not only do you look like an aging hooker, but you're about as smart.  What a monumental dumbass this broad is.  Crush her, Todd, crush her good!! She's too dumb to live.

This show still sucks, Frank, and you're making Todd suck and I'm bored.  This is your Blockbuster September? Two kids who couldn't cut it in the Eighth Grade Play discussing sex and death?  Yuck, I'd rather watch paint dry. For a moment, I thought I was and was relieved, but then realized my eyes had glazed over from excessive boredom.

This show still sucks, Frank.  Do Todd and Johnny have to have that same ridiculous not entertaining discussion every week?

"I'm telling Carly what you did"
"Then I'll tell Sam what you did"
Mean stares.
Someone walks in and says "What do you mean?"

This time, they were sweaty and icky. That's the difference, I guess. And they were waiting for Godot, I mean Jerry.  My God, Frank, what the fuck? Todd could be entertaining standing on his head...and I think I saw that once and it was entertaining.  Now, he's a dullard.  Run, Todd, run fast.  Run to Llanview and leave these morons forever.

What does it mean when I find Jason the most interesting part of a show? That's ridiculous. I can't stand Jason. But, finally, someone's buying a clue. It's about time. Todd may be smart but he's no evil genius and Heather's crazier than Hell. Couldn't someone figure this out by now?  Guess not.

Port Charles. Where smart people go to get dumb. And entertaining people go to get dull.  And chase fat, old women. Count me in....only not.

Oh, and nice random Robin reference to remind her fans she still exists. That helps when they're choking on their own vomit from boredom induced fevers.

The characters are all on the verge of death, right? Can't you just take this opportunity to kill all these people? You're half way there. Just do it.  Starr's out of town. Make Todd get some kind of weird immunity all the sudden. Tracy's fine and Luke's not around.  The rest can all go. Let 'em die, Frank, off with their heads.  THEY SUCK!!! And they're killing me having to sit through this crap.

I'm losing patience, Dude, losing patience.  I admit that I think Nimnuts is funny on Twitter but I suggest you send him off on a stand up tour and get a new writer. This sucks. Like, seriously. I can't stand much more. Now do something about it.  Like yesterday.

I didn't mind seeing Tea and Heather. But even Tea's gotten dumber. And she's not in Port Charles. I did like that her brother isn't around much, according to her. Hopefully Blair's dumped his fat ass. Wait a minute....maybe he'd be good for Carly. They could eat Twinkies together and drink wine while their waists expand. A real love match there. They'd be in hog heaven...excuse  the pun.

Oh, yeah-  WHERE'S VIKI?????????????Shouldn't she know her brother's ill? Guess not. Tea heard there was a "health crisis" but didn't seem concerned. She doesn't seem to talk to Blair, as she wasn't mentioned in being involved with the baby.  What?  Not talking to the new Sister-in-Law?  Curious.  Very curious. Maybe because new SIL is pining for her ex who was just rubbing all over her like last week?  Maybe.... Guess Vik's not interested in Lil Vic, either, huh, Tea?  Bad for you, Tea. No Lord/Mannings care about Lil Vic.  And neither do I.

Just stop the madness, Frank, stop it now. This is beyond the pale. The numbers should be dismal next week and you deserve them.  Sticking Howarth on Twitter won't make me watch or pay attention. It's not making this show suck less and no one says anything that's interesting.  Let him answer the age old question, and I'll think about catching the first half hour in my office before class. Let him answer it.  You know what it is and it will be asked over and over and over....

Where's Blair?  Oh, yeah, we know. Guess I'll be skipping your show now. Someone wake me when she gets back. And this show doesn't suck. I'll be waiting for Godot...I mean, Jerry.

The Patented Tease and then "Shocking" Twist- Nimnuts Pulls a Fast One

It’s funny to me that so many people buy into the trap. I find it fascinating. For years, I thought everyone was far too smart to really let it get them, but they do, and every day.  It is shocking, really, the level of delusion some people can function under at this point in time.  Don’t do it, People, don’t fall for it! It’s a trick.  You have to become aware of one of the cheapest tactics in soap world. It’s called the “Tease and Twist”. In other words, it’s a fake out.  And Carlivati is the world’s all time champ.

You see you think he’s going in one direction but he’s not. He’s playing you. You think he’s giving this story and distracts you with it when, in fact, he’s giving you that story.  You have to recognize it early and you’ll be better off. In soap circles, it’s called “fuckery”. It’s screwing with the audience to then stick it to them later. It’s a standby for these guys and I can’t believe so many fans fall for it.

You have to watch for a while to see when it’s coming. You have to know how they work and what they are thinking and what direction they can, and will, head into in the future.  There are certain rules, if you will, that cannot be broken. Certain lines that cannot be crossed. There are the absolutes, like no incest or pedophilia….really. But there are others that aren’t clear. There are, for example, certain lines that are blurred and not being crossed, but you don’t know it.   

That’s where the real fuckery exists. It’s long term fuckery.  Take the most  disgusting storyline ever- penned by Nimnuts- the rapemance.  OMG, I hate even thinking about it.  In that disgusting display, they had “Todd” keep an amnesiac Marty, his former rape victim, in a “safe house”.  I won’t say he held her hostage per se, but he didn’t help her back to health or her son.  She then fell in love with him- GAG- and had sex with him- ARGH- and wanted to run off with him.

Excuse me, I just vomited all over the new carpeting in my new University office. I think they might charge me for cleaning it up.  I’ll send the bill to Nimnuts.  Or blame my officemate….

At any rate, that was long term fuckery as it was years later we found it wasn’t Todd at all, but Victor. Victor never raped Marty- back in the day, I mean. He simply thought he did as he allegedly believed he was Todd. So, it was a tease- “the rapist is reraping the victim and she loves him”- that turned out to be a fake out.  There was no romance there as the major player was not who you thought it  was.  PSYCH!!! You lose.  Nimnuts got ya.  What a playful little scamp, huh?  Only not.

I’ve always thought they would play the old Todd switcheroo from day one. I never bought TSJ as Todd, like ever. They used the plastic surgery thing to keep this story in their back pocket. I had no doubt that, at some point, Howarth would return and lookie loo, he did.  So, when all that nauseating crap came out, I took it as part of the fuckery. It was not Todd. 

There were also a lot of signs that Howarth was interested.  Supposed olive branches to old co-stars, a blatant plug for OLTL in an interview for ATWT, and other things. So, when it happened, I knew what it was. It just took a few more years to happen. Actually, I was delighted when Todd, and I mean Real Todd, was so horrified that anyone would think he’d do that, I applauded him. Really applauded. Like put my hands together and said, “Yeah, Todd”.  Even the fictional character was shocked how people were taken in by the fuckery.

There is, more often, short term fuckery which has several functions. One can be to stall and make a little story that goes nowhere for a character who needs their minimums met and TPTB have no interest in long term potential for them.  This would be like any story for Cristian Vega in the last five years of OLTL. He had minor crap that never really was fleshed out or went anywhere because, well, it wasn’t.  He was engaged to Layla.  Why? I don’t know. It went nowhere. He flirted with Rama. Why? It went nowhere. He fought off amnesiac Jess who thought she was 16. Why? It went nowhere.  Now, the Jess interlude led to the disgusting Ford moment but for Cristian, it went nowhere. A tease and a twist as it went nowhere.

Then there’s the concept that something may go nowhere but they want to tease the audience that it could. Or keep them quiet. See the Jasam stand-alone “What If” episode. Burton’s leaving and they moved Monaco on months ago. But, as a last hurrah, they’ll indulge the fans with a fantasy. It will go nowhere- or somewhere bad. I  think this one is particularly cruel. It’s a real PSYCH. It says “look what could have been if we didn’t hate this guy and want him gone and love her with Easton”. Sorry. Not a Jasam fan but that’s how it looks to me. I think it’s a dirty trick and cheap ploy for one ratings boost. Nasty stuff, Frankie, nasty stuff.

Then there’s the need to distract the audience and tease them, to taunt them for lack of a better word, into thinking something’s happening when it’s not. It’s a cruel joke on fans but one that Valentini and Carlivati seem to enjoy. It creates buzz, in their minds, but it also makes people turn off their sets in disgust. I don’t think they get that.  It’s a double edged sword. They get an engaged audience, but it might engage them right off the show.  Usually, they pull back right on time, but it’s a delicate balance.  Or they know the audience is secure in their thinking.  Meaning the audience knows the game and is just waiting for it to end.  This would be the Codd situation or the Blair/Fatmas debacle.  The fans know the score and have to stomach the fuckery to get what they want.  It makes them sick but they stick because they know, in the long run, they will get their way.  

Look, I could be wrong, but I sincerely doubt it.  The Codd thing is the most classic fuckery I’ve ever seen. They get the star of OLTL who is, for all intents and purposes, a convicted gang/serial rapist. Sugarcoat it, downplay it, whatever, it’s still a fact. They have an actor who, for all these years, had some integrity, and a network who were actually proud of how it was handled. They had a successful couple they could agree upon for him, but that was it. No more sex for Toddy Boy. He was a one-woman man who was so moritified by having sex with Tea once, he risked his life to get back to Blair right after.

You really think they’ll have him fall into bed with someone else?  When they tell you he’s getting the wife back on the show?  Come on. Yet they need to do something with him until she’s there and he’s forgiven. He knows no one. What can they do? Easy- fuckery. They can make him tease and flirt and be all nicey-nicey and take Cosmo Quizzes and be shirtless and touch her lightly once and compliment her. It’s okay. Know why? Like the rapemance, it’s fuckery. It won’t go anywhere. It’s nauseating and makes me want to stab somebody, but it’s not worth the jail time. 

You see, they’re having him destroy the life of her best friend behind her back and hold her uncle hostage- as an accomplice, that is.  And, if you’re smart, you know that will end all the fuckery fun. Yet, the stupid people don’t get it and eat it up with a spoon.

It’s a win-win for them. Playful fun for the stupid people.  Poking the faithful to stoke the fires of their fandom and keep them wanting the real thing, not the fuckery.  Ta-Da. And, right when things look their bleakest, the fuckery ends, the truth is out, and the faithful are rewarded. No lines were crossed. No taboos come to fruition.  It’s the “gotcha” moment. The PSYCH!!  It’s all smoke and mirrors.

Now, depending on the story, how far they go with the fuckery can be too far. The nauseating Blair/Fatmas sex scene was excruciating and awful. Therefore, knowing it was coming, I didn’t watch.  But I caught some of the “afterglow” which was, ironically, all about Todd and I thought that was bad enough.  I’m glad I missed it. Yet the next week, what happened? Lovey-dovey Todd and Blair all huggy and kissy and touchy and  rubbing against one another and, eventually, sexing it up as the show ended. 

See- no harm, no foul. Just sucks getting there. Now, if you recognize this, you’ll see it happening and not pay any attention. You’ll be told you’re blind or delusional or living in the past or whatever, but you’re not. You’re right. It just takes a keen eye to see it. And a working knowledge of some seriously demented thinking.

That’s the real key.