ABC's Failure Continues- But So Does the Arrogance

Marc Berman of Media Insights is quickly becoming my favorite person on the face of the Earth. I love him, really, almost as much as I love Viki and Todd. We're not talking David Hayward levels of love here, but, come on, that's a once in a TV lifetime thing, right? But I love him because he told me this:

The news was not positive in week two for Good Afternoon America on ABC. Based on the Live Plus Same Day ratings from Nielsen for the week of July 16, GAA was close to modest first week levels. It finished fourth among the quartet of network daytime talkers in three of the four surveyed categories (excluding women 18-34), and dropped from year-ago occupant One Life to Live by 36 percent in total viewers and demographically by as much as 48 percent among women 18-49. While this was an improvement from recent occupant The Revolution, it is still a major disappointment. And there is no reason to believe it will last past the initial nine-week order. 

The moral of this week’s story: some shows are a better fit in the AM than the PM

http://www.tvmediainsights.com/

I wish I could invite all of you to my wedding to Mr. Berman at Congregation Solel this Fall, but we have limited seating available.  You'll understand.


Best........News.............Ever.  Again, not because I particularly care that GH will probably survive but because it proves me right. And I hate that!! Those asswipes should be feeling the pain and the humiliation of their boneheaded move to arrogantly kill a genre to save a buck. Good work, Douchebags. Destroy a form of narrative programming and cultural expression for your bottom line. Nice to see it's coming back to bite you in the ass- not once, but twice. And I predict this will happen again and again and again.  This calamity seems to be the gift that keeps on giving and it's making me giddy as an obnoxious schoolgirl who can now look at you on many occasions saying "Neener, neener, neener" and do my superiority dance in your face.

Okay, I know that's not featuring the Superiority Dance, but it's in there at the end. And it's SO appropriate!!

As I've said before, bite me, ABC, as I may come here and rant like a sonofbitch as it amuses me, but I do have a lot of diplomas on my wall from institutions that aren't exactly lacking in terms of prestige in this area. I would never talk like this professionally but if it's anonymous, why not be outrageous and have some fun, huh? I TOLD YOU SO, YOU MORONS!!!! What part of "I've studied this audience for twenty years" didn't you get?????????

I hate idiots.

Especially ones that are well paid and rewarded for their incompetence. Anyone hear that Jill Farren Phelps will spearheading the trainwreck formerly known as Y&R in the near future? That's a good move....only not.  Guess the Bells and Sony need more misogyny and ageism and red ink on the books.  Good job, Sony!!!But, I digress. And, really, I don't care enough about Y&R to rant about it. But kudos to Doug Davidson who's been spectacular and the always brilliant Ms. Stafford. Too bad they'll be too old for their new EP to use in the near future. I predict it will become the Abby and Carmine Hour soon. Stay tuned!

Back to my dear friends at ABC because they just can't get enough of my attention. Paul Lee, President of the Brain Trust known as ABC "Entertainment", claims they have no intention of reviving their former daytime scripted dramas that now look as if they were blockbusters when compared to this crap.  However, when discussing their current state of "mind",. he said, "Our focus is on GENERAL HOSPITAL, and I think Frank [Valentini] is doing a great job with that, and a lot of his crossovers. So we like that and are great supporters of it."

So, when discussing the plan of action to slow or stop their current descent into obscurity, he thinks they should focus on what's left. But I left out the most important part of his quote. Before he reiterated his "dedication" to GH, he said this about the move to yank the really successful one:

"I think those decisions were made".

HM.  That's a giant shot in the arm to the Rhodes Scholar who made that dumbass decision, isn't it? It screams "We were right and you all were wrong", don't you hear that? You think those decisions were made?  No kidding, Einstein.  We know that. Now, be a good boy and admit your mistake. I admit that I was wrong when I thought Todd would have sex with Blair last week. I admit it. Now you admit that you fucked up!!! Admit it. Maybe then we all won't hate you.

Look, Paul, and I'm calling you Paul as I feel no need to address you formally. I'm not fond of you and I feel no need to give you that respect. I also, obviously, feel as if I know more than you. That's not because I have a lot of little letters after my name but because I listen to viewers and watch television shows. It's pretty easy. You should try it some time.

So, anyway, Paul, admit you made a mistake. We're a forgiving bunch. We're resilient. Ask Valentini. Now, admit your mistake and just write a big ass check and bring it all back in some form. I suppose it could be argued that's what you're doing. But I don't see it yet and if I don't see it soon, I'll go away along with about a million of my close, personal friends. Now, listen to Elvis. He knows all and is  the key to getting some respect!!!

Did you listen to Elvis? He is the Master of the Universe. Get the meaning?  "It was a fine idea at the time....Now it's a brilliant mistake".  God, I love Elvis!!! And, BTW, that's Summerfest in Milwaukee. I think I was at that show. But, if you've ever been to Summerfest, no one remembers much from their time there.......Some stereotypes are true. I've also seen Elvis so many times, I can't keep them straight.

Now, it's this part of the above quote that stood out to me more than the rest and why I'm addressing Paul as such and not something more creative like Weaselfuck or Lizard Lips.

 "Frank [Valentini] is doing a great job with that, and a lot of his crossovers. So we like that and are great supporters of it."

What does that mean, Paul? Does that mean you think FV is doing well with the rank loser known as GH or that you like his crossovers? Why mention crossovers and not simply talk about GH doing well? Are you attributing your praise to those crossovers? I think you are and that shows that you may wander in the world of the idiots, but may not actually be a complete idiot yourself. We know that complete idiots are rare, so that is within the realm of possibility.

OMG, what a goddamn clusterfuck that place is at this point. Really. What a bunch of incompetent losers. I can't...not even. It's too much. But, I'll hang my little hat of hope on this little comment that may mean something and may mean nothing. Desperate times call for desperate measures, so, as usual, the OLTL/AMC fan sits and waits. I'm holding my breath to see my boyfriend Clint in the form of the luscious JVD go after John, the cheating fink. I'm biding my time until I can see Viki scold Todd for, well, everything. And I'm patiently awaiting the next arrival of Blair and it better be for good this time. I'm yawning the minute she leaves, even though Todd is infinitely amusing. he can't carry all those losers on his back.

And I'm making one new plea for Bo and Nora. Let them go after Todd for baby switching when he's in Llanview, making Tea go away and bedding Blair. That would be so great. I know it's out of their jurisdiction, I went to law school. But, I don't care!! How did Johnny know the truth about Todd? Who cares? It's a frickin' soap opera. Just make it happen!! I miss them.

Meanwhile, down on the farm, there's good things happening elsewhere.  Tim Gunn has landed comfortably back at Project Runway on Lifetime and he couldn't look happier. I couldn't be happier to see him.  Yeah Tim Gunn!! I love Tim Gunn and am so happy he's been released from Loserdom. He can take his rightful place as hippest dude in town!!

I think I'll ask Tim to give me away in my wedding to Marc Berman. I wonder if David Hayward will pull a patented Todd Manning Wedding Surprise? Now, that might be nice.Like Blair, I'd have to run away with him. He may be a lunatic but he's my lunatic......

Todd Manning Does Not Take Rejection Well: Buddy Boy's Hurt and All Will Pay!!!

I think there may be hope yet. I got so nauseated watching kinda cute, light, Eddie Haskell Manning flitting about Port Charles.  Finally, it looks like he's going to be gone and we'll get that crazy ass psycho back!!! It's about time.  Welcome back, Scorched Earth Todd!  We've missed you.

BURN THE MOTHER DOWN, TODD!!!! Make them all pay for, well, existing. I don't like them and I'm pleased you may do my bidding.I knew I could count on you, Dude!

Todd Manning does not take rejection well.

Spoilers are showing that many new fans who liked Todd Manning-lite will be disappointed.  You see, Todd's had his dark little heart broken for the moment. He doesn't think straight when that happens.  He gets a little squirrely.  He tends to look for people to pay for his pain and misery.  Even though he deserved it, here's one of my favorite ones.  Get him, Todd!

Ah, an oldie but a goodie. Back when Todd and Blair were surrounded by people I recognized.  I liked Kelly and miss not liking Max. They were, in fact, better than the morons who surround them now.

Usually, Blair bore the brunt of  Todd's tantrums. Thankfully, this time, that's not the case. That's because he could be back with Blair right now if that nut Heather weren't blackmailing him and John hadn't busted him and Johnny hadn't killed his granddaughter. They're all stomping on his potential happy life with his wife and they must pay.  It's the residents of PC who are, in my opinion, more deserving than anyone.  I think they should pay for boring me to death and surviving when my show got cancelled.


GET 'EM, TODD!!! They're losers and they deserve to, well, not die, but be off the screen for the foreseeable future.  Do your thing, Crazy, Angry Todd.  Then hotfoot it back to Llanview to be chastised by Viki, warn Tea to take the kid and run, and ruin Blair's alleged wedding.  Sounds good to me. This has the potential to get me what I want.

Todd goes home and is surrounded by angry villagers with pitchforks who I actually care about!! Cue Bo and Nora and Clint and Dorian.Works for me.  Todd gets all Delgados off my screen. LOVE IT!! And, obviously Todd kidnaps Blair which is always a plus. She gets all pissy in her very "I totally want it, Todd" way and it always leads to a hot fight.  And, finally, we get annoyed, unhappy Viki telling Todd how his behavior is deplorable, yet doing so with love.  I MISS TODD AND VIKI!!!

I don't get it.  That show was so damn good and this one is so damn bad...Oh, well, time to move on.

Praise, well, Whomever!  Let Terror Reign, Todd!!! I guess McBain's the first victim.  GOOD!! He deserves it. Personally, if you know the guy is in bed with his wife, can't you wait till they're dressed to arrest him?  I thought McBain cared for Blair? Is that what you do? Bust him while she's naked and all happy and satisfied?  Really, Dude, tacky, tacky, tacky.  It will be a pleasure watching the hypocrite go down, and not in the good way, but I'm sure he'll be diving head first into Sam very soon.  That's his consolation prize, I guess. He can remain a GH character. I don't care!

Next on the calendar is Johnny. I don't particularly care about Johnny because, as with all GH characters but Tracy, I don't care about any of them. They can all die slow, painful deaths or just disappear.  I have no opinion on how they leave, as long as they leave Todd's orbit.  But, Johnny is next. I'm sure this will also bring with it the ancillary damage of Carly.  AW, Poor Carly.  Learn to knock, Baby, and maybe you should mind your own business. And you shouldn't have slept with Tony!!! You're a bitch for that and I'm glad your "friend" will be sure to make you realize you're a moron!!! She's been set up as Todd's latest patsy since he showed up in town and used her to tell his story.  Poor Codd.  Being sacrificed to Todd's inability to have Blair RIGHT NOW!!!!

Todd Manning does not take rejection well.

I have a feeling that he may not only put many people's lives in danger but I bet he will take down Kate and Sonny, as Kate's threatening him this week. Bad Kate. Don't poke the unhappy Lunatic.  Here's a quick lesson on when to avoid Todd Manning:

When he's hurt
When he's angry
When he's lonely
When he has no hope
When he feels he has nothing to lose
When he's not eating regularly
When he doesn't sleep-

Basically, when he doesn't have Blair.

Hey, lookie there, that's all happening.  Kate must really be crazy.  She's thinking she can make something happen here. Really?  Good luck with that, Crazy Kate.  Even your midget mobster can't deal with this guy. He's a crazed freak right now. Shoot him. He doesn't care.  He has nothing to live for because he doesn't think he can have Blair.

Todd Manning does not take rejection well.

Here's a little history lesson on Todd. To the long term fans, let me know if I'm wrong, but I think you'll agree. Todd is not a nice guy. Todd is not a rational guy. Todd is selfish,  immature, self absorbed, insecure, and has the potential for an unbelievable amount of cruelty.  He experiences guilt and remorse but, deep down, he's the kid who was raised and abused by Peter Manning. He's the son of Victor Lord and Irene Manning. He's damaged to say the least.  And, although he has moments of stability and kindness and empathy, let's be honest.

Todd Manning does not take rejection well.

To everyone who said that they were moving Todd on from Blair, look again. They've moved her off the screen for the moment, but is she off his mind? I'd think about that.  She's the reason all this destruction and pain will occur. She's the reason he'll go off the rails, balls to the wall crazy.  She's the reason he's in a bad mood, to say the least.  Yeah, she's not important. She's nothing to him because she's not on the canvas right now.  Okay,  whatever.  For someone who's not important, she sure is motivating a lot of story.  Guess that's why she was in every promo. As Todd eats this show alive, it seems he's bringing her with him. Just like that promo said.  I could make the sickest joke right now, but I won't.

Yeah, she doesn't matter. She's not on contract. Okay.............But what was that? Valentini confirming her return? I'm shocked....only not.

Remember, Todd Manning does not take rejection well.

Even if that rejection is the lamest rejection of all time.  "I love you but I won't be with you because I can't trust you so I'm marrying another guy".  Really?  Then, she goes on a two day tour of PC telling all two people she knows that she loves Todd but is marrying someone who is so inconsequential that she talks more about Jack and Sam than him.  Oh, and does so with tears and angst and oodles of not love for the guy who barely gets his name mentioned as she weeps over Todd.  That's gotta hurt, huh, Fatmas? Yeah, that's rejection. And that's the way to move someone off the canvas and on to another life off screen...only not. Blair used to be much more effective in her rejections

Blair was much more convincing when she lied and told Todd that she was marrying Max because she loved him. Not because she was pregnant with Todd's baby and didn't want him to know or fight her for custody.

 That time, she loved Todd, too, as, well, she always loves Todd. But her lies were much more effective than the truth is here. I see he has no hope- for the moment- like Todd always has no hope- for a moment. But I also see that he has no interest in "opening his heart to another", as Starr mentioned. Really, Starr, stay in PC because now, YOU SUCK, TOO!!!And lookie loo, guess who's coming back?  NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP, STARR!!  And "manning" up!!


I see the lame Carly teases Nimnuts puts in to amuse himself and attempt to torture me. I don't buy it, Nimnuts. But keep trying. I'll keep ignoring you and, guess what, I'll be right. Because even in the end, if you went through with Codd, which you won't, I'd just turn off the TV and soon, you'd be out of a job.  See?  I still win. Life's funny that way, isn't it?  In grade school they taught me that the majority wins and I'm glad I'm with them this time. We all see your nasty little game and we all wish you the best in future endeavors. Now move on and write our damn reunion!


Like all of GH, this is all ridiculous plot point crap that has no depth.  Good thing the actors could be empathetic reading the phonebook. This rejection should last about ten minutes but will motivate enough action to move stories forward.  How nice. And, hopefully, it will motivate Todd into being the new PC town pariah,  as it's obvious his BFF will be out for his blood soon enough. The anvils are excessive to say the least.

Then Buddy Boy can get his little ass back to Llanview where he belongs. I need some Viki STAT!!

There's Closure and There's "Closure": Todd and Blair's Infinite Middle

Okay, so I watched Monday's show expecting more pain and grief and God knows what other miserable things Nimnuts was going to throw at me.  That was five hours ago. I'm still sitting here with my mouth hanging open.  What The Fuck......................I am, for the first time in a long time, in shock. Truly. I can't get over it.

For once, I am amazed that I was completely right, along with almost every other Todd and Blair fan. That's not necessarily shocking. but what is shocking is HOW right we were and HOW far these guys went to tell us we were right.  I have been lurking and I know others have a different interpretation. That's fine, everyone should think what they will. But, I'm telling you as a critic, a fan, and a "scholar", excuse the term but, ya know, shoe, fitting, whatnot  This was NOT closure, People, this was the beginning of an end, but the end of the bad stuff, not the relationship. 

Could it be true? Is it possible? Is the infinite middle of the Todd and Blair relationship ending? Is it finally over- the pain, the grief, the betrayal? Holy Happiness, Batman, it looks like it could be true.  Buddy Boy and his Gal Pal may actually get it right this time.  Hold the phone, wake the kids, and be sure that Aunt Martha's not dead yet.  I sense a REAL Todd and Blair conclusion.  But, finally, in a good way.  Jeez Louise, maybe our little man has finally grown up. And he might actually get his pretty toy after all and get to keep her for himself this time.

Okay, I see people seeing this as "closure" in the sense that they're over.  Oh, People, you're missing the forest for the trees. Now, I could be wrong, and often am, but I've watched these shows since I was in a high chair and I'm rapidly approaching middle age, if I'm not there already.  I've read about them. I've deconstructed them. I've written papers on them.  I've delivered seminar papers on them. I do lectures on them. In other words, I kind of know my shit. If you want to give closure to a couple and move people on, you don't do what they did on this show. Like, ever.

Here's a cheat sheet on how NOT to give closure:

1) You don't have the one who's "moving on" never say they love the one they are moving on for

Somewhere along the line, Blair seemed to forget that she should have just told Todd that she loved Tomas.  She didn't. Not once. Never even mentioned him. Much like when we were subjected to her sex scene with Tomas, she talked about Todd the whole time. Her whole relationship, such as it is, with Dumbass is about Todd. It's all a reaction to her love for Todd, not closure.

2) You don't have the one who wants to get back together flash back to the reason he can't have his hunny bunny as he tries to get her to reconsider

Notice how Blair talked about them in the present tense and said that he'd have to tell her that he's not hiding something again that would blow them up.  Not in the past, but now.  That's why they're not getting together. He's still hiding his dumbass mistake.  If this were over, he would not be lying this time and she'd still leave.  You wouldn't see her challenge him to not lie and then flash to the whopper he's holding. Unless you're blind. you know he's going to make it better so he can get back to her. That's common sense, not closure.

3) You don't have them swear undying love for one another and then leave without mourning the loss of the past

I heard nothing about the wonderful times they had. No discussion of the love and fun and friendship. Only pain and recent issues.She simply told him that she can't trust him to not hurt her. NO mourning, only pain and fear.That doesn't make for closure. Closure means you're not mad anymore but have accepted the situation and let it go. She's still pretty pissed.  Not over. That's not closure.

4) You don't have the person "moving on" admit that they're only doing it as a reaction to the one they really love

That was a pretty lengthy discussion of "if they got back together now" even though she's supposedly planing a life with another man.  Her reason for moving on with this other guy she never mentions seems to be because she can't be with Todd.  Yeah ,that makes sense. "I wouldn't survive".  She can't say she doesn't love him but she's too frail to let it roll, again.  She even admitted that it may be a bad choice to marry this dude but it's the only one she's got.  That's not a reason to marry someone.Or move on. It's protecting yourself with a human shield.  That's not closure.


5)  You don't make the "moving on" happen before they say they'll always have Paris

If you've ever seen Casablanca, Rick and Ilsa talk about how it great is was to be together but they have to move on. But they'll always have Paris.

The closest we had was Todd saying he thought they'd always be together. But that was it. No talking about how it great it was when they got married for real. Or when they got all the money and all the power. Or the stables which seems to be their favorite memory. No "I'll never forget you" or anything. Just leaving. That's not melodrama. That's reality. That's not closure.


6)  You don't have the "moving on" happen without one tragic kiss and farewell

 I didn't see them break away from the last embrace and look longingly all the while wishing the other the best. Not even a little.It just stopped with Blair saying she's leaving. Where's the drama in that? It's just dark, well it is GH. But there was no romance and no moment. It was just an explanation and a recanting of what happened last time, so the GH fans can get it, and motivate Todd to send Nat the pictures to ruin John's relationship. But I never saw anyone say "Goodbye".  Know why? It's not a goodbye. It's not closure.

7) You don't have the one moving on look as if they want to jump all over the other

To the new viewers, there's one thing you may have noticed.  These two actors can bring the romance like nobody's business. They're good at it. They've been doing it for a long time.  They express intimacy better than any I've ever seen. They do it from head to toe. The looks are great but it's the gentle touches, the invasion of personal space, and often they just seem to emanate it. Check it out in this scene where the dialogue matches but look at the body language:

 Sorry but that's hot.  And there's only looks, touches, and standing super close. These two can act and have a natural chemistry.

So, if someone's moving on and we're getting closure, we don't get the looks that Blair gave the whole time. Her face when she insisted she was marrying Dumbass was perfect. She was defiant but not contented with her decision She almost stomped her foot as he was insistent she wasn't. She kept walking away and avoiding his glance. She kept turning her back. It was when he dared her to look him in the eye and say she wasn't in love with him that she caved. It was her face when she said it was only about the children when he knew it was crap. And I did, too. Know why? It is crap. That's someone trying really hard for closure, not closure.

8) You don't have the the couple splitting up forever chat about what went wrong and see how things could have been different yet still have the same old fights

At one point, it seemed as if they were negotiating another chance. This was when she challenged him to tell her he wasn't hiding something. Why? If it's over, why even ask? You've made your decision and you've moved on?  Why go over it again? There must be peace for closure.  There was no peace here. Just her knowing her husband, as she does, and she's right. If she accepted his proposal, it would blow up as he's doing it again.  Know why? So he can be motivated to stop it. Know why? Because this is not closure.

9) You don't have them claim they love each other madly and always will-

Okay, when couples have closure in a soap, it's sweet and there's vows of love and eternity.  But it's always discussed in past tense for one, not present tense for both.  There's always finality.There's not a conversation- in present tense- about why it's NOT happening. It's about what it was, not why it's not happening now.That's a reason not to be together now, not closure.

and, most importantly

10) At least one of them has to WANT TO MOVE ON!!!

I didn't see that. I didn't see Blair wanting to move on at all. Hell, at more than one point in that evening, I thought she might grab him and beg him to ravage her. At the Opening, I thought she might drag him into the coat room and get busy.  We know Todd doesn't want it- the break, I mean. I'm sure he'd more than happy to get busy. And Todd called her on it.  But, let me tell you, Todd was right. She was all into being Mrs. Manning and all lovey dovey until she panicked. Girlfriend is running. She's not doing it because she wants to or because she has to. She's doing it because she's terrified.That's fear not closure.

Closure doesn't come from fear. It comes from knowledge and acceptance.

Kids, this wasn't closure for the good stuff. It was closure for the bad stuff.  Something's ending here but it's not Todd and Blair Manning. It's Todd Manning and Blair Cramer. I think she's gonna take that name and keep it this time. 

Maybe you have to know Todd and Blair to get it. They're the anti-couple.  Listen to Todd explain it to Blair as he tries to define them, again, before they conceive Jack and she, of course, agrees to marry him.

Notice the use of opposites here. Everything is upside down in their world.  Cruel is kind. Good is bad.  Hate is Love.  This is what you're seeing here.  She's not walking away from him. She's pursuing him. She's telling him to come get her.  And, I'd bet a mortgage payment, that's exactly what will happen.

But even they're upside down this time. That's why it's not closure. It might sound like it for some couples, but each time it exploded for them, it didn't happen this way. The closure for Todd and Blair would be different and we've seen it a million times. They never make it work. Their whole relationship is about closure. Now, it's the opposite. That's why it's closure for the bad part. He's not reacting like Todd would. That would result in him getting her back for a minute and then losing her again. That didn't happen this time.

He didn't freak out. He didn't throw things. He didn't threaten her. He didn't turn and immediately try to get her punished. I didn't see any cops coming to arrest her. I didn't see her having the children ripped away from her. I didn't see her being evicted.  Holy Crap, he was almost  mature about this. So, maybe that's what it is. Maybe that's why people think it's over. He was almost a grown up.  Okay, I could see that. But you have to listen to the scenes. An ending, for real, was never expressed.

I may be wrong. I often am and admit it willingly.  But, I didn't see anything like closure here.  Blair will leave but she won't get married. Rumors are everywhere and believe what you will. I go by what I see on the screen. Know what I see?  I see a major change for Todd Manning.  If that's true, it's the opposite of what it's always been.  Know what that means?  He'll finally get what he wants.  And I think we all know what that is.

Here's one of my favorite "closure" scenes and it's dancing in my head as I write this.

Think what you will, but damnit, that's a great scene of someone determined to move on and it's just not happening. I have to admit that I feel this nutty Jew broad is often so much like me. I'm not as cute but I would do that. I think I may have.

And, oh yeah, that wasn't closure either. Remember how they ended up.

To Tease or Torture- Has Valentini Tipped His Hand?

I'm going to give credit to a Todd and Blair fan on a certain board who knows who they are for this insight:

You have to be a kind of a masochist to be a Todd and Blair fan.

Ain't that the truth.

The heartbreak, the grief, the cruelty, the anger, the betrayal, the lies, and did I mention the heartbreak?  The tears and the begging and the misunderstanding and the manipulation and the disappearing and the vows of "I hate you" and "I don't love you" and enough already!!! It's been 18 years, for God's sake.  When is enough enough??? Valentini, you need to tell Nimnuts to stop. Like now. It's getting to be ri-goddman-diculous!!!

Enough with the angst. Enough with the teasing. Enough with the fear.  We're all grown ups now. How can it be that the show's been cancelled but Todd and Blair's  pain still continues?  There's teasing and there's torture. As this entire venture, or whatever you want to call it, heads into the twilight, it's time to end it. This is overkill. Let the pain end and move on!! 

Can we please get some relief here? There are more interesting stories to tell and, I'll be honest, none of them are on GH. If you want to keep OLTL fans, we better have something to watch that's good. I'm not seeing it. Watching Blair and Todd heartbreak for the 987th time better take me somewhere I want to go because Todd being nutty in PC ain't cutting  it.  It sucks!! 

I don't care about his friend, Carly, with the big ass and the caveman boyfriend. I'm not interested. She's whiny and annoying and a big mouth. And learn how to knock, you overbearing harpy!!  Bring back Viki or Moose but this chick is dull, dull, dull and she needs to have her jaw wired shut. Or at least dress her in Jill Abbot caftans. She's gone and Y&R might be having a fire sale soon.

It's obvious to anyone with eyes and any working knowledge of this genre that this is NOT the end of the Todd and Blair story. This is not part of the "slow build" to Codd because if it were, we'd get something else. We'd get Laura Wright's endless pimping. We're not.  In fact, I heard there was not even a peep out of her about it at her events this past weekend. People were asking for Codd spoilers and they got none.  Then one smart poster had to tell them that maybe it was because THERE ARE NONE!!

If that were coming, we'd be looking at a very different scenario.

We'd get Blair married off screen.  She wouldn't be back playing the doting Mrs. Manning, gleefully, BTW, at the Opening. She was so huggy, kissy and downright giddy, it was insane. 

Someone should inform her that engaged women don't let their smitten ex basically grope them.  He had his arms around her.  They had their hands interlocked- an old TNB standby.  She lovingly rested her head on his shoulder. As he snarked at Carly, she sweetly quieted him with "Todd" in her mildly Southern drawl. Being escorted by him to a show is bad enough. Her behavior was anything but that of a woman about to embark on a life with another man.

Let's not even start on the "dinner" scene.

WTH was that? Is that a rejection, Blair?  Is that "just an evening" or whatever she tried to make it?  Is that like when he almost kissed you on NYE and you said it "was just a moment" till he corrected  you, grabbed you, stuck his tongue down to your small intestine, and made you almost faint?

Is it like that kind of "evening"?  Is that how he's making "too much out of it"?


And why is all this happening at all? I see why she's there. It makes sense.  But is this more important than when Starr's on trial for attempted murder?  I guess Sam doesn't have the sniffles this time, huh? I know, they didn't want to pay KDP and FL at the same time, but we're talking about characters here, not realities of the set and the truth. This time, though, you show up without the barnacle that Nimnuts has attached to your ass.

Okay, now I have to digress here. I have to come clean and confess what I really don't like about Carlivati.  I, do, in fact kind of like Valentini as he's one hard core dude who seems dedicated to the show I like. So, I just get pissy with him. I rarely call him names and belittle him as, damnit, I kind of respect his old school asskicking ways. And, really, I'm afraid of him. Who wouldn't be?  I mean, I don't know what he'd do to me but I bet he could if he wanted to and it would be scary.  Big gay mafia in Chicago. They could find me.  Granted, I have a few allies in this particular wing of the syndicate, but they, too, would probably cower in the face of La Valentini. My dudes are tough yet not hard core like this guy!

Sorry, I digressed in my digression.

But I don't like Carlivati because I truly think he thinks that Tomas was a good character we should have been rooting for over Todd. Okay, Todd's a nutjob with anger management issues and a really bad sexual past.  I'll give you that. But Tomas is a nauseating, smarmy, self-righteous, pretentious, sick bastard. Really.  That story is so disgusting, I couldn't stomach it. I could see Blair trying to make something work with some dull guy, like Sam, but even KDP sounded off about it in the mags. It was ridiculous. I just remember Nimnuts saying there was still "hope" that Tomas would be found when Todd had him thankfully removed from my screen.  WHAT??? HOPE?? From who? You and the one crazed fan that inhabited DD?  It was at that moment that I knew the HW was completely out of touch with the audience.  I deemed him Nimnuts that very day.  And worse. But Nimnuts is funnier.

Now, back to the issue at hand.  Okay, So Blair shows up without that Canker Sore. That makes sense. Obviously Todd would go batshit crazy if he saw them together and then ruin Starr's night. That makes sense. But why stay at his hotel?  Why not inform him of your pending nuptials far in advance of this so he could freak and then move on to rage state NOT on Starr's night? Why look "gorgeous" for "Starr"?  Why would she be disappointed if her mother looked like crap?  Why was it important that you're there together for "Starr" as an afterthought?

Come on, Blair, we all speak Todd and Blair-bonics. We know that "Starr" was always code you two nutballs used for one another. See here as Blair says she won't marry Max if she could be with "Starr" and how the exchange continues:

Wow, a lot has changed in 11 years...........only not.  Well, the people surrounding them are more boring and it's always so fucking dark, I think I might have cataracts.  But, these two whacky kids are still the same.

This is so stupid.  I feel like reverting back to the '80's and being Jeff Spicoli and say "This is bogus"!!!

Get over it, people.  This is a bunch of crap!!!! She's not marrying Tomas because she loves him. She's not marrying Tomas at all,  really. She's not there JUST to see Starr sing.  She's not there to "let him down gently".  Give me a break, Blair. You're there to rub all over Todd just like he was there to rub all over you.  Bite me, Blair!!!!You want it and you know it.  And so do we.  I'm not sure Todd does yet, but I think I'll find out in the next two days.  And either way, everyone better watch out. He ain't gonna be happy......

I am sick of this bullshit.  I see the Jasam fans are angry and frustrated, justifiably so.  But, ya know what, you can all bite me, too!! Try 18 years of this and then get back to me.  Hell, there was even an 8 year period where you had to keep the faith that the character currently known as "Todd", at the time, was not Todd. Do you know how many people would talk to me about "Todd" in that time and I'd have to smile politely and say "That's not Todd.  That's an imposter".  They thought I was nuts. And I was right.

So, I'm right now. Move on!!! Enough's enough. I'm getting tired and impatient. GH SUCKS and if I'm forced to sit through that annoying crap for the characters I like, then you better reward me and, like, NOW!!! Before, I had other things to keep my attention. Now, not the case. Hell, unless it's Tracy and Todd and Tracy and Todd and a little  John/Sam makeout session, I'm bored out of my fucking mind!!!  I'm praying for a mass murder of the town or a natural disaster that Todd and Starr just happen to be in Llanview for at the time. Then let them stay.  This show sucks, for the 897,000th time.

I will not sit through pain and grief with no pay off and continue to be slowly bored to death with the drivel known as GH.  You've reached your limit, Big Guy, now it's time for payback.

Enough with the tease. If I don't get Llanview back in September, or at least some big parts of it, I'm out. There will be no Todd and anyone for me. I love the dude but he can't carry this loser show. Again, in case you forgot- It sucks.

Time is running out, Frank.  I'm serious. But, I'm not threatening you or anything. I'm not. Really. Don't hurt me.  You all know him. He'll cut a bitch!!....................  I think I need to go make some phone calls, just in case...........

Ten Things I Enjoyed Today More Than GH: Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!!

Now, I have to explain something before I start. I have a job that allows me to not work on campus from Memorial Day to Labor Day.  Therefore, since I essentially never left Academia, I have been off every summer, well, forever. I mean I work online or do other things, but I basically can go where I want every summer.Every summer since 1967, I went to "Harbor Country" in Northwest Indiana/ Southwest Michigan, about an hour fifteen from Chicago. I've spent every summer of my life here:

Today, I was on the edge. It wasn't a million degress. Blair was gone. So I had a choice.  Go out to the "country", a mere hour from the Loop, or watch Valentini's show....no contest!  So, here's my entry for the day:  Ten Things I Enjoyed Today More than Watching the Suckfest Called GH:

1.  Driving Over the Skyway Bridge:

There's a relief you feel when you now that the stress of reality is gone for a time and you're headed on vacation. You know it. It's the "ah" factor. My momnet for that is when I go over the Skyway Bridge between Chicago and head over the border to "lovely" Hammond Indiana. Truly a nauseating sight for the unaware. For me, and many others, it's like hearing the wail of the Harpies as they beckon you forward.

Today, as I headed East, I picked up the phone and called my friend, Phoebe, to share the moment.  I told her I was going over the bridge and she responded as she always does.  "Bitch!"  That means "I'm so happy for you and wish I were with you, as well". It's just said in another way.

2.  Driving Through Gary, Indiana on the Indiana Toll Road

Yeah, I said it!!! Who wants to know??? Gary, that's right, the most depressing, empty, smelly, burned out city on the planet.  Gary makes Flint or Detroit look like Paris.  It's always been the spot where my mother would say, "roll up the windows, kids" as the smell in my childhood was overwhelming.  The orange sky, the stench of spoiled eggs, the black soot coming out of the smokestacks, highlighted with the open flame, of the Steel Mills, all reminding us we had to get through the bad part to get to the good.

Now, it's not as smelly but just as ugly. And, as I age, I must admit I almost miss the stench and the wails of tortured children in backseats of station wagons as they drove by.  I almost miss my father's threats of "If you don't stop fighting. I'm going to light a cigar" and I always wondered if opening the window may not be as bad. But, rather than tempt fate, we'd stop fighting.

3. Driving Down Route 12 Headed into Town

It may not look like much but it's the first sign of home. And I was pleased that the people on the street were all smiling and happy and not nauseating harpies and thugs. Plain old Indiana folks and Chicago implants.  Not a boxing ring in sight.

4.  Paying less than $4 for Gas at the BP on Franklin

I hate gas stations and I hate spending a lot for gas. So, saving $.50 a gallon on gas was a pleasure. How happy I was that I didn't stay home, watch GH and work. I got such a deal on gas!!!









5. Going to the Beach

Not Me but Mini-Me In All Her Fabulosity

Okay, I'm bragging. I know it. My beach rocks!!! And it's Indiana. I went to Laguna recently and said "Yeah, it's nice, but it's not as nice as my beach."  Call me crazy but I'll take it over any other.  And can you believe it's in Indiana?????

The View From Lake Shore Drive

Once again, just showing how sunny and nice it is.  Unlike GH which is dark, dismal, and depressing.  Tell me, Frank, why would I go inside to get depressed and watch that drab show when I could be here? 







See this path, Frank? I used to walk up that path every day around Noon and watch AMC and OLTL.  It was a pleasure and really broke up my day. Know what I didn't do today? Well, I did walk up that path but it wasn't to watch your show.  Know why? It sucks!!!

The Path

6. Meeting my Friend, the Realtor, and Arguing About My Latest Offer

Okay, I'm one of those people who likes to get a deal but also wants to get what they want.  If I don't get what I want, I'll walk. But I want it on my terms. So, I'm shopping for a new house.  I made an offer. It wasn't accepted. I'm not pleased. I don't get why 25% of the asking price isn't acceptable?  Haven't they seen the market tank?  I go to the office and argue with my realtor, who I've known since I was six months old. That, Frank, was more fun than watching your show.

BTW, both my realtor and I are sure we'll get the house in the Fall. It's a matter of waiting....get it?

7. Going to the Bank to Kiss Ass

I hate bankers. I hate big bankers. I am a Frank Capra fan. However, today, after arguing with my realtor, I went to the bank- this is one of them- and kissed as much ass as I could. I was so disgustingly charming, I made myself sick. I was trained by Adam Chandler, after all. No amount of watching GH prepared me for that- know why?  No one's charming or smart. Just depressing, dull, and boring.



8. Going to my Grocery Store

Everyone has the old standby they love. I love my beach, my town, and my grocery store. I just do. It rocks. I know all the people and where everything is and they have a great, clean bathroom. Now that's important. I would usually go to this grocery store after I watched OLTL and had been to the beach.  Now, I went to the beach and went to the grocery store....what didn't I do? Guess...





9. Going to Pick Blueberries

Everyone has things they enjoy that maybe others don't.  I enjoy driving down Route12 into Michigan to 1000N to the blueberry farm with really loud, obnoxious music playing.  I prefer silly Southern Rock in this instance, like The Allman Brothers, or go another route with some Mellencamp- it is Indiana, after all. I am determined to paint my new house pink for just that reason!  But, again, I digress. I've gone to this blueberry farm to pick since I was a kid and my sisters and cousins would throw blueberries at one another and my aunt would yell at them. I was different. I was focused and clear and had a job to do.

Stateline Blueberry Farm, if I can shamelessly pimp them, is a vital part of the summer experience. The owners are nice and the fields are clear and the fruit kicks ass!! It's almost like being in the country...which I guess it is. But it's really being at the beach and the city at the same time.  So much fun, so little time. Yet, look, there's more now that I don't have to watch soap operas...




10. Heading back Down Route 12 with a Tan, XTC, and a Cooler of Bonnie Doon and Blueberries

So, my day is about done and I've got a nice tan, a carload of blueberries, and I'm listening to obnoxiously loud music as I head out. I realize as I'm heading into Gary that I smell that really rancid air from the Steel Mills and look at the clock. It's 2:00, GH is on. I knew that smell was familiar....


At the grocery store, I picked up a few half gallons of Bonnie Doon ice cream- made in Indiana for Indiana. I can't get it anywhere else. I have to have it ionce or twice a year as it's what I always had. Peppermint Stick, with the little pieces of green and pink candy pieces just like they had in the 1970's, and some Blue Moon.

Bonnie Doon Peppermint Stick

You seen, Frank, what I mean here is that today I spent my day doing the things I love and have loved all my life.  Forever, your shows were a a part of that. I made time for them. I worked them into the schedule. They were something that just "was", like my beach that doesn't change or the blueberries or the grocery store that only gets better but I still know the cashiers.  It's like my realtor who I've known forever and still can be annoying and irritating, but I love him.  I still go back to him when he tries to step me up and double-talks me.  Know why? I love him.  He's my dude.  Get it?

Like my new house, Frank, I'm waiting. I know I'll get it but it takes patience and perseverance and I'll hate it when it's under construction and I'll curse everyone.But, know what? It'll be worth it. Anything worth having is worth waiting for.  But, remember, like Bonnie Doon, if you change it too much, I'll find a new brand. I'm stubborn- I want what I want how I want. If not.....

Well, there's a lot of houses out there and it's a crappy market.  And as I proved today, television doesn't have to be part of my day. Tread lightly, Dude, as the sign at the Blueberry Farm warned.....

 Danger, Frank Valentini, you're on thin ice.  And that's a whole shed full of explosive insecticides!!

The Age Old Question is Answered: Hey, Look, It's Blair!

Jeez Louise, it's about time.  Todd opens the door and what's there- a pair of really long legs in a really tight dress. Red, by the way, and looks almost like spandex.  Heels.  Tasteful jewelry sans wedding ring, BTW. And what happens?  Well, let's say Todd can't think as all the blood has rushed to places other than his head....I mean his brain.

Hello, Blair.  It's been a long, dull summer.  Good thing she's here to spice it up.  I don't think I could sit through boring crap much longer. GH has some of the most dismal and drab leading ladies I've ever seen.  Now, like kids who find a cute puppy, as an audience we're asking "Can we keep her? Please!! We'll be good. Really good! We swear!"  Don't fuck it up.  The GH fans hate you already.  Just keep her and bring in a few others and we're all in love again.  For now.  But I'm still not sure you're not putting the knife in my back.

Now I think TPTB have every intention of keeping her as I've now seen at least four promos in which she is prominent. The first one was a shock. The second one was a bit of a stunner.  After that, it was all "normal". Of course these two are highlighted. They're the "romance" section.  They lead the pack.  They're the stars of the show and..............Wait a minute. How can they be stars of the show if she's not on it?  Oh, well, just go with it. Either this is massive bait and switch, as is not unheard of with these guys, or something else is happening.

Now, it started on Tuesday when Carly showed her true colors.  She's a true, blue Todd and Blair fangurl.  I liked her so much that I won't even comment on her too tight red dress.  I just won't....to be nice. She was very kind to the man freaking out over the other woman showing her face.  She was even charmed over his teenage meltdown over having to see her with her abhorrent "boyfriend" with the affected name. She was touched that he's so in love and is willing to help, for a price. 

Now, maybe I'm slow, which is possible, but that didn't look like a "slow build" there.  It looked like a man who is beside himself with love for his wife and a woman who thought it was sweet and used it to her advantage to help the person she loves. How does that translate into a smoldering romance? I don't see it.  But, hey, I admit I'm biased.  But nothing says "They'll be together soon enough" than a character confessing undying love and devotion to another chick.

I have to admit I didn't mind the Todd and Carly scenes but she could have been anyone.  She's just a prop here for the GH audience to get to know Todd, his family, and his feelings. She is, well, irrelevant. But this time, she didn't annoy me. So, I don't want her saved from the massive earthquake which will hopefully wipe out all of PC and GH characters, I can sit thruogh her for a while.


This was all about Todd and the Mannings GH fans haven't really met yet.  It was a moment to re-introduce Blair as the only woman for Todd. It gave a little history lesson and showed the depth of his devotion.  The real intro was for Jack, who's been noticeably absent in Todd's daily discussion of Llanview life. It was nice to see him back in the dialogue as he's needed. Jack's the one who has a real story with Todd as they progress. Hopefully, that's been recognized. We need some good Todd/Jack snark and I'd imagine a casting call will be placed soon.

But, this could all turn on a dime. We could be all happy and then BAM! Have the rug pulled out from underneath us.  I have to admit I have a hideous sense of foreboding as Howarth is killing me with his desperation and adoration.  It's literally like watching someone who's been stranded on a desert island go nuts as they see a mirage of a ship coming to rescue them. Then they realize it was all a mirage.  No matter what the future holds, you know it's coming.  Before it does, the big boom, I mean, let's hope that poor Todd at least gets the big bang from Blair. God knows he could use it.

So, let's wait and see what nasty little trick may come our way. I have the same relationship with TPTB that Blair has with Todd. I hate their fucking guts but damnit if they don't pull me back in every time.And this time, when Blair runs, I might, as well. Like her, I don't know how much more I can take. Eighteen years of angst is a bit much.  Yet, for now, I'm hanging on.  For now.

Rehabbing the Soap Bad Guy: Redemption and How to Get It

I've always loved the bad guys.  Never a moment when I didn't.  I don't mean the full blown evil guys but the grey hats. The one with the bad attitudes or the checkered pasts or the rather unusual sense of morality. For a brief moment in my twenties, I thought I loved them in real life.  I was, thankfully, mistaken.  But in my "reel" life, it's the bad guy all the way for me.  That is to say, the bad guy who's on a road to some semblance of redemption. So, with that, I decided to start thinking about what redemption is and how it works in daytime drama.  And, as I did, I realized that redemption is something quite different in daytime than in any other form of melodrama.

The bad guy has to be redeeemed in daytime more than in other forms as they have to conitnue to exits long after their "sell by" date. They need to be eternal and if you, say, poison the whole town, you may not be able to stick around without some work. Who would do that???  Not my boyfriend Dr. David Hayward!!! So, there are a variety of ways that redemption happens on soaps and I thought I'd take this long, dull, hot summer day to recount some of them.


Redemption by Love

This is an oldy but a goody- sometimes.  It's a quick fix where the bad guy finds the woman of his dreams and that makes him want to be a better man. This happened with a very young Tad Martin several times.  He was redeemed by the love of a strong family- sob, Tad and Joe and Ruth and Jake- and the love of several women. The first one was Hillary, I believe, but he was not really redeemed as he was still caddish as she left him.  It was Dixie whose love healed Tad completely.  I have to admit he became a little dull after that, and self-righteous.  But he was still Tad and who wouldn't love that face!

You see, Tad was never really a "bad" bad guy. He was a cad.  But he was so damn cute and charming, he could get away with it.  Sure, he slept with his girlfriend, Liza's mother, but he felt bad about it.  Sure, he married Lottie for bad reasons, but he felt bad about it.  Sure, he smoked pot...well, I'm not sure he how he felt about that, but I doubt it was bad.  At any rate, he didn't have far to go to be redeeemed. He was well on his way there when he was adopted by the Martins and Ruth's everlasting love, as well as Gram Kate's, were too powerful to not make him good.

I'll have to stop now because if I continue, I may not be able to contain myself. That damn Martin love and family make me feel all squishy inside. That kind of love could have made anyone jump to the nice side.  Even Billy Clyde Tuggle- BEST VILLAIN EVER- was tempted to jump the fence for the love of Dixie who was a Martin by injection....I mean marriage.
 

Redemption by Saving Another

There's always the old  standby of redemption by saving another. Often it's a child or someone they've harmed.  Those are often cheesey, unless the actors are great, but they are ones lazy writers can pull out of their bag of tricks.  I find these redemptive techniques only interesting as they don't motivate the character to change, so much, as it makes the rest of the town see that they aren't soulless bastards.  I prefer that as when the shift in personality sets in, there really isn't anything original about the character anymore.

This technique was used with my boyfriend, David Hayward, on several occassions.  David was the perfect anti-hero as he was a brilliant doctor, so no matter how bad he got, he coud still save someone and make it not right. but, let's say, "not as bad".  He saved people all the time but notably Kendall, the shrieking harpy, and Angie.  He didn't save Angie's life, but her sight and some could argue that's as important.

Kendall was, of course, ungrateful to some extent as she was Kendall, spawn of the most self-absorbed character of all time- Erica Kane- and her rapist, whose name I can't recall as, well, I don't care.  Now, I have conflicted feelings about Kendall. I love the actress who I believe to be a nice Jewish girl after my own heart, but found the character insufferable.  Kendall was annoying when she was played by Sarah MIchelle Gellar, another nice Jewish Actress.  Why is Kendall always played by the Jew broads? I never thought about that, but maybe I should.  But, then I'd have to think more about Kendall and that would be annoying.

Alicia Minshew's Kendall was more endearing but she, too, was a harpy and sucked the soul out of all she touched, like her mother.  I did like her with Zach but she was sucking the soul out of Patrick Thornheart, who couldn't have been more irritating, and what we were left with was so much hotter.  I have to admit that Thorsten Kaye got so much more attractive with age, he makes me weak in the knees, like Kendall. Maybe that's because I'm a nice Jewish girl, too....I'm seeing a connection.

But I digress.  For a change.  Kendall had her life saved by the alsohot Dr. David and was she grateful for more than a minute?  No. Was Erica? Hell, no. But, she's Erica and she was once sleeping with David and she was probably bitter than he preferred others, as he should. He was far too hot for her.

Angie, on the other hand, was her stellar self as David saved the day.  It's one of my favorite moments as AMC ended.  She came to understand him and he appreciated her. I loved that redemptive "moment", as I'll call it. He was not going to be a "good guy" like Tad, but she saw that he was less horrible and, I think, deep down, she even liked him.  Come on, Angie, what's not to like???


Redemption by Justification

Then, of course, there's redemption by justiification.  It makes sense that they do bad things as they have bad lives.  They've been beaten or unloved or, my favorite, have a brain tumor.  OMG, give me a fucking break!! That one's the worst.  I know I've been very AMC-oriented in this piece, but if the shoe fits, I gotta wear it.  Jonathon, the evil brother of Ryan, was just damn evil.  But Jeff Branson was popular.  So, what do they do?  The brain issue, of course.  Hell, having to be Ryan's brother should have been enough justification for whacking people, but he needed a brain problem, as well.

I don't remember if it was a tumor or what, but, really, does it matter? They operated, I believe, and then he just became "slow" or something. It was one of the worst redemptions I've ever seen. He became the Stuart of the younger set and any charm he had was gone.  The Village Idiot But Really the Smartest Person in the Room role needs a really great actor to not be annoying or funny. Canary could pull itoff wonderfully but Branson was just annoying.  Leonardo DiCaprio played the slow brother in What's Eating Gilbert Grape?  and did so masterfully. But Branson just acted like an idiot. Nothing challeneged or special, just an idiot. He should have stayed evil.  Much more appealing.

Now, there are those characters for whom redemption is not possible or they always try but fall short. The Todd Mannings of the world and the Adam Newmans.   But there's a serious distinction here. Todd's been through all of these tactics and still is in the guilt-ridden hell of his own making and stupidity.  Adam has yet to show me any justifictation for his bad deeds although I think he saved Noah and loved Sharon and now Chelsea.  I still see no reason to think he's having any redemptive moment when all Todd does is have redemptive moments and they all go astray- by his own making or misfortune. But they all go astray....so far.

Hell, this time, I hope he at least gets laid.  Adam gets laid all the time.  Poor Todd. He's really screwed. And not in the good way. Maybe he'll get redemption through sex with Blair without a lie hanging over his head. That might work.  But I doubt it.  He'd screw it up....and not in a good way.

ABC Continues to Circle the Drain: Policy is "Give the People What They Don't Want"!!

I am giddy. I can't contain it.  I'm so happy that I feel like I have Spring Fever and it isn't even Spring....yeah, I like a good show tune. I can admit it!! I know I said I wouldn't be calling ABC names for a week, but, come on, who expected me to stick to that?  I'll try to be good.


Suck it, ABC!!! You are getting yours, huh?Your newest dog isn't even as good as the dog it replaced.  No offense, I love dogs. These shows are so bad, that it's offensive to call them dogs. They're rats.  How's that? GAA is a massive failure so far.  And it keeps getting worse!!!

HA!!!Take that, ABC!!! Your fuck up is the gift that keeps on giving.  GAA premiered at a 1.7.  That's bad.  BY Wednesday, it was down to a 1.5. Thursday, the same. That's a 12% drop in two days.  Nice work.  Good job.  Your lame, cheapass replacement for the lame, cheapass replacement is a giant stinkfest of crap!!  Couldn't happen to a nicer group of guys.  You're not even at bad AMC numbers at this point.  And, wait for it, they're down 53% from OLTL!!

Let's say it again because it can't be said enough.  You're down 53% from OLTL!!!!! I can't stop saying it. I love it so much. I might have it tattooed on my hand so I can look at it as I type.  But I can't.  My religion frowns on that.  Tattooing, that is, not a good dose of schadenfreude.  We love to rub bad news in the face of people who have wronged us!!!

I can't imagine why this cheesefest isn't doing well. At least The Revolution had Tim Gunn. I love Tim Gunn.  I admit it.  I said it. I love Tim Gunn and hold him blameless in this mess. That Lara Spencer is so irritating, I'll use one of Todd's lines from this week- "I need a shot of insulin" just looking at her.  Yuck.  And that guy, whoever he is, is a smarmy son-of-a-bitch.  I can't say I've watched more than one minute, maybe two, as I tune into OLTL, I mean GH, but what I've seen is enough.  Liza Minelli in a chair?  Yeah, no thanks.

Look, I love classical Hollywood. I loved Liza Minnelli in Arrested Development. I like her music although I don't listen to it.  But why would they think I want to see that?  Why am I interested in Blair Underwood who was uninteresting on LA Law?  And that was in the 1980's, wasn't it? Who's on the list for this week?  Luke Perry?  Grant Show?  Please, ABC, get into the new millennium.

Do some real fucking research, will you PLEASE??? We don't want bullshit. We won't watch.  We don't need more drab hosts with C-list guests. Hell, I don't care if they're A List.  We don't want to watch this dreck!! We won't and your ad dollars will drop faster than Lara Spencer's Butt Lift!! We want what we had and make it better.

What is it about "We won't watch" don't you get?  The daytime audience is not a bunch of donut eating, home bound, morons.  We're professionals with a choice in entertainment.  WE CHOSE TO WATCH THESE SHOWS!! WE MADE AN EFFORT TO WATCH THEM!! WE DON'T WATCH ANY PIECE OF CRAP YOU PUT BEFORE US BECAUSE WE HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO!!

God, are you slow, stupid, or stubborn?  I think all three.  Listen to me. Please.  We're professionals and people who work in the home.  We're lawyers who sneak off to watch Youtube edits at the office.  We're teachers who have TVs in the lounge.  We're doctors who have televisions stashed in the back room.  We'll DVR. We'll watch Soapnet.  There may not be as many of us as there was, but we're here.  And, guess what, we WON'T be there!!!

I never get to my office and say "Gee, I wonder what Lara will say today?"  Know why? I DON'T CARE!!! I will say "Gee, I hope Blair fucks Todd's legs off this afternoon. I'd like that".  Know why?  Because I DO CARE!!!  Pretty simple.  Care about one thing, not the other.  Appointment television on one part, mindless drivel that must be avoided at all costs on the other.  Pretty easy distinction, isn't it?  I think maybe you guys can even get it.

Here's more insight from my father, the siding salesman in Chicago.  If you don't have a quality product, you better have a stupid and desperate consumer with no ability for recourse.  Know what that means? You try and peddle shit, you better find people who have no other choice and can be taken easily without any idea that they can sue your ass.  You know what my father found?  Even the biggest idiot on the planet knows someone who passed the bar.  And can call the Better Business Bureau  Or the State's Attorney or the local news station.  Don't try it, "Fellas".  See, I didn't call them a name.  Those consumers always come back and bite you in the ass.

Being a cheapass only makes you pay more later.  And you're paying now, I'll bet. Do yourself a favor.  Give Valentini the old time slot and give us our goddamn show back.  We'll forgive you.  Katie will tank.  Bet on it.  And, so far, I have yet to be wrong............

Why Harpies Can't Be Leads: The Case of Tea Delgado

Okay, let's be clear. The following rant has nothing to do with Florencia Lozano. I like her a lot. I think she's a good actress who does her job well. I think she seems extremely likable as a human being. In other words, I really like FL.

But, as this latest stint on GH shows, her character does not have mass appeal.  Tea Delgado has been shown to be a wailing harpy with few likable, redeemable qualities.  It's time someone in control realizes it.  Tea cannot carry a show, even a little. Nimnuts has to let it go.  Tea cannot be a lead and needs to fade into the background as soon as possible...if that hasn't happened already.

I'm starting to think this sentiment is making it's way to the head office.  Supposedly there was a scene with John and Tea that was cut last week.  It was even mentioned by Easton in an interview they say. If that's true, then it was done on purpose and makes me wonder.  Has Tea been cut from the "future" of GH? Is she, finally, out of our hair?

Now I admit to being an out of the closet Todd and Blair fangurl. I've never denied that.  But I am also not one who blindly hates Tea for that reason. I don't hate Tea but I hate what she has become.  She's a steaming ball of anger and resentment and she's shrieking in every scene. Even when she's not yelling, she's gritting her teeth or being smug. That may work for the character but I don't want to see it.  If she is to be a permanent member of Team Hater against Todd, then she needs to be seen less, not more.

In other words, less is more here.  She needs to be more of a Marty or Nora.  They were women who were victimized by Todd and will always hate him but don't have major stories with him.  They show up once in a while, sneer, and the move on to their own story.

I think FL gets that Tea is a hothead in a stereotypical Latina way.  She does it well. However, she plays Tea as an enabler with certain interesting ideas about sex. She seems to be more than a little sado-masochistic and her relationship with Victor worked well in that regard. But as interesting as characters are with these proclivities, they cannot carry a show.  Like David, they need to pepper the show once in a while to give it some quirkiness.  They cannot be the heart and soul of a program.  They're too twisted.

Victor was as demented as she was and that's why he wouldn't work long term after Todd returned.  The reason he maintained as long as he did, IMO, is because he had the "Todd" label to him.  People thought he was in a twisted moment with Tea but would eventually go back to the Todd we knew.  That was true to some extent.  Todd came back as we knew him.  But this guy wasn't Todd.  I have no doubt that if it had lasted, SNV would have been the foil to Todd, a supporting player at best, and Todd would again step into the lead role.

You see, as twisted as Todd is, and Blair to some extent, underneath the unusual moral code, they are both very traditional characters.  They are devoted to one another, their family, and can do so in a surprisingly normal fashion.  There's yelling and fighting but there's so much tendernesss. Tea can be tender but her tendency to be over the top is out of control.  The image of Howarth covering his ears twice when she was on GH is emblematic of that.  She's too much.

Leads need to be lower key and quieter.  The audience can't take the screeching all the time. A little kick is good but they can't see it constantly. In some ways, we want hints that our couples are freaky in the bedroom but we don't necessarily want to see it.  We know that Nora and Bo are rockin' it.  We know that Clint makes Viki's earth move.  We know Todd's majorly into voyeurism and God knows what else, and that Blair is all good with that.  But I'm fine with only Araby, the horse, seeing it that night in the stables. I don't really want to.

We saw too much with Tea and SNV, IMO, and some may think it's hot, but I think it's kink.  And a bit sick. Deep down, soap fans want romance, not kinky S&M hijinx.  Tea's passionate and I can appreciate that.  But she's not just passionate.  She's a freak.  And, although I find that amusing, I'm not going to sympathize with that.  Freaks are fun for a minute. Not a lifetime.

So maybe Tea wore out her welcome when the GH fans held their ears and the majorty of OLTL fans didn't join in.  Maybe Frank learned the Gary Tomlin lesson.  TNT aren't it.  Even a little.  The first "T" works.  The second, well, is second for good reason.  She's supporting at best.  And, even then, less is more.

I hear she may abscond with Sam's baby.  That's a good idea.  She can do it all off screen. We all need a long break from the wailing. And, once she hears she's losing that baby, the yells will be deafening.  I hope Howarth is fitted for earplugs. It looks like he can't take it.

"ABC Legitimizes Valentini's Folly" or "Pink Slips STAT: Suck It, Mob Guys and Your Trolly Chick! There's a New Gang in Town"

I liked both names so much, I couldn't decide which to keep, so there you have it.  It's like a haircut from the 80s or 90s. Professional in the front, snarky and evil in the back.  Yeah,  I was in love with a guy with a mullet back in the day, I admit it!! Who wasn't???

Now, let's talk promos.  Holy Crap!  Can ABC and Valentini's agenda be any more clear?  What happened to GH because I see it's name but I see none of it on those promos. I see their leads being placed in ancillary roles. I'm not using "supporting" as they don't even seem to be important enough for that. I see Sam being John's new "lady" (said in as sleazy and skeevy a way possible.  Be sure to linger on the "l" and talk like a Lounge Lizard. To me, it's Jonathon Brandmeier.To you all, think Will Farrell).

But besides her, the rest are close to irrelevant. Foils to the new leads- Jason and Sonny- or props- Carly.  Get ready, GH Fans, your show is in it's final stages.  Welcome to the "Roger Howarth/Michael Easton Hour with Kristin Alderson, Kelly Monaco, and Kassie DePaiva", brought to you exclusively on ABC Daytime.  Wow, who would have guessed that?  Oh, yeah, me.

Let's take them one at a time.  Here's the John one:

Okay, here's the ladies man with a badge. But he's got one special lady, right? Not that feisty redhead who had his kid and is holding down the fort at home. Nah, not her.  She's back somewhere with that kid and he's too hot to be tied down.  I initially feared this would be the way Todd would go.  Thankfully, that hasn't happened. Todd doing that is unseemly and, well, icky. But that's John's character.  You couldn't see it more clearly.  John McBain, Sex Machine!

Let him introduce you to his BIG friend...his gun.  If you're a bad guy, he'll shoot you and haul you off to the hoosegow.  If you're a hot little lady, he'll let you hold it and caress it.  Cue Sam!!!  That's right.  She's the one with his tongue down her throat. And she's loving it!!  Forget that pesky husband of hers. He's nothing to compare to the shiny power of John's rod. Now, I'm talking about his gun!!!

She's getting some good lovin', isn't she?  Maybe we should call it "McBanging".  I think I may have stolen that. If I did, thank you.  And there's two basic bad guys who are getting the McBain treatment.  I have a feeling Benard and Burton should be calling their agents.  It doesn't look like they have much of a role on OLTL, I mean, GH...I think.

That promo is so explicit,  it's insane.  ABC is saying  "John McBain is the resident hotty on GH and he's the guy all the girls want.  Those Mob guys are over and old and fat and mean.  This is a new day and John McBain is the new rage!!"

It's very, well,  Shaft-like, in the cheesiest of all cheesy ways. I expect to see half naked women asking to be frisked, but he's there giving Sam his all.  And he's got the bullets to prove it.

Now, as blatant that one is, look at Todd's promo. This one blew me off the couch:

Thank you, Howarth, or whoever did this.  You're the dude!! I'm referring to the characterization, not the promo. It's awful.  

Praise God, no Sex Machine here. And I'm basically an Atheist who just likes the ritual cooking of High Holidays! And Jewish men.  But, again, I digress. Thank you, ABC. For that, I'll take a week off  of calling you names.  But only a week!! I don't want you to get spoiled.

So we have new guy Todd Manning with his shirt off. He's funny. That chubby, older lady is laughing at him.  He's trying to outwit the big, bad, old Mob guy because he's crazy.  And, he doesn't like to be nice to people.  So, he's anti-social.  And he's crazy.   He bangs his head against walls. From that part, I could see him as a kind of more entertaining Monk, with a better body.  I mean "Monk" the character played by Tony Shalhoub, not the calling.  Ironically,. Tony Shalhoub is Jonathon Brandmeier's cousin.  Coincidence? Probably. And I listen to too much Johnny B in the mornings on WGN radio in Chicago, available wordwide via app or podcast.  But I digress.

Let's get back to ABC's version of quirky Todd. He's rich. He's crazy. He's funny. He's got zero body fat.  What else does he have? Oh, I know.  A scar.  Yes, he has that scar.  And, what else did he "bring with him"?  Hm. What else?  Let's see. She's tall and blonde and talks with an accent....is it that chubby lady from the beginning? No, not her.  She's not there. Who is that?

Why, of course.  Todd brought with him his broken heart that is filled with love for his former-future-present-whatever wife, Blair.  There she is.  It's Blair.  Todd brought Blair.  How nice of him.  We missed her, as we can see Todd has, as well.

Are you kidding me? That's when I fell off the couch and sat with my mouth hanging open for a good five minutes.  Really? They're putting Blair in the fucking promo?  She's supposedly not even on the show but she's in the promo?  I guess I no longer need to ask "Where's Blair". That's obvious. She's in Todd's heart, on his mind, and well, has been the ghost that walks with him for about two decades now.  Holy crap, ABC, talk about confirming the thoughts of the audience. Why didn't you do this ten years ago and then maybe you'd still have a daytime line up and some ratings?


I can't believe that ABC just confirmed everything I always thought just as they end this fucking genre. Blair defines Todd. KDP actually said that somewhere recently and ABC agrees.  When they are presenting Todd to the mass audience, how do they define him?  By his love for Blair.  I still can't believe it.  ABC got something right.

Still want to claim Blair's not going to be a major force as they continue?  Didn't think so. But, again, never give these guys that much credit.  That's how they get ya!! I'm the idiot who's back to watching every day again. And I hate this show.  Besides Todd, and Starr, and sometimes John and Sam.  And Tracy. But the rest SUCKS!!!

There's a promo for Starr but it's not that interesting.  I don't care but it's about Starr the singer, Starr the girl with daddy issues, blah blah blah.  Again, they're highlighting Howarth as he seems to be ABC's Big Thing.  What a shock....only not.  So, it's "Hey, it's Starr! She's great. And she's Todd's daughter".   'Nuff said.

So, where are the promos for the other guys and that blonde, older, kind of fat lady?  HM,  I didn't see them.  Maybe I missed them. Or maybe I fell asleep while watching them as they are all so dull, drab, and unlikable. I think all three need some serious energy.

I hear they have pills for that in Hollywood. They gave them to Judy Garland so she'd be up.  And lose weight.  Maybe that Carly would like that.  She's drinking a little too much wine, it seems. But it should be perfect for her new job with her friend, Mario Batalli, on The Chew.  This show won't need two Blairs. They're getting a brand, spanking new one. At least, that's what that promo tells me.  

But, hey, I could be wrong. I'll admit it if I am.  It's just weird because so far, I haven't been yet.  And, to be honest, I kind of thought I was full of shit. Guess not.

Oh well. Looks like the little professor from the fly-over state knows her stuff.  They're building it.  We're coming.  Now, WHERE'S VIKI??? Todd's obsessing over her almost as much as he is Blair.  That must mean we'll see her soon.  And, as I said all along, if we see Viki,  it's on!!

Llanfair, here we come!! It'll be nice to go home.  What a long, strange trip it's been.  And Todd looks like he's about to have a breakdown. He must want to go home, too. Or he's listening to the Dead and dropping some acid. I can't tell which it is. But, as long as I get to see Viki, I don't care.