Ten Steps to The "Slow Build": John and Sam and That Other Guy

I was never a John fan. I have to admit that. He never bugged me but he never grabbed my attention either. I will admit that I was never so disgusted by him that I yelled at the screen, muted the TV, or changed the channel. That was saved for SNV.  But John was just, well, fine. Take him or leave him. I think some of this ambivalence was due to my sincere good feeling towards the actor who seems to be all kinds of sweetie.

So imagine my surprise when I watched GH Friday and was more positive than ambivalent. Holy Make Out Session, Batman!! I think he won me over as he gently held Sam and then grabbed her and shoved his tongue down her throat.  Well, at least scored some points in the romance department. Now that's how it's done, People!! Romance and hotness all in one moment.


The scenes on the docks with John and Sam were sweet and poignant and, well, hot.  I found that I was pleasantly surprised how much I liked them together, even though I'd seen it once or twice before. I wouldn't say I'm a GH fan, even a little. Besides Tracy, I'm generally uninterested and watch only for Todd and the occasional moment with Starr. Unfortunately, those moments are getting fewer and fewer.  Yet I have stopped to watch a few John scenes with Sam and they are genuinely nice.  That's rare these days.

Now I've seen people claiming that Todd and Carly are on the "slow build" to love. That's really not what I'm seeing. Even a little. But I mentioned that last time.  But I am seeing it here and it's working well. John has known Sam for about six months and finally, they get a kiss that shouldn't have happened.  They have the whole "forbidden" thing happening, which is hot, but they also have a real intimacy, as well.


In order to have the slow build, you need intimate moments.  Todd and Carly chuckle and laugh and he bellows while she looks confused.  I think that may be the actress, BTW, who doesn't seem to be on the same page as Howarth and Howarth seems  to enjoy keeping her off balance. I think I've seen him laugh at her reaction a few times, in the guise of Todd being snarky. But that's neither here nor there. With John and Sam, they talk and listen to one another. They use hushed tones and discuss feelings and life stories.  Hell, he delivered her baby.  That's pretty intimate.

They've taken her husband out of the equation to some extent but kept her mourning for the relationship to actually build the new one. I've seen accusations of her being a bus victim in this, but from an objective viewpoint, she isn't being thrown under said bus. She's seen as the victim of an unkind, unwilling partner whose own needs and feelings are his prime concern.  How she feels and what she wants and what happened to her are irrelevant to him.  Of course, what can you expect from a man whose job is to exterminate other human beings.  Detachment and selfishness must be in the job description.  Yuck. And he's not even cute.  Sorry, Kids, I want that dude off my screen like yesterday!!  And, as the promos suggest, that probably is happening.  But that's another blog for another day.

Now said husband may be regretting his behavior but that makes the slow build even more effective. There's a formula for these things.  Here's what I've found in forty plus years of soap watching. Let's call it the Ten Steps to The Slow Build or "Cliff Notes for the Bad Soap Writer":

1. Couple meets while having problems with significant others- or being on the way to problems
2. Couple has instant sexual chemistry
3. Couple becomes friends and share intimate moments
4. Couple starts to rely on one another more than significant other
5. Couple has sexual moment as rebound and swears to not do so again
6. Couple tries to make it work with significant other
7. Couple can't forget sexual encounter and do it again
8. Couple breaks up with significant others
9. Couple keep having sexual moments again and again and again and continuously try to avoid it to no avail
10. Couple gives it up and that's that.

You see Todd and Carly didn't get past #2.  That's not a slow build.  But John and Sam blew the doors off #2 and are now deep into #5 and I predict #6 by Tuesday and #7 by Thursday.  This was a slow build but they're entering overdrive.  It's do or die for Valentini. He's pulling out the big guns, excuse the pun. 

Now I'm not a Monaco fan, even a little. In the past, I called her out on her lack of skills and her unsavory road to "stardom".  However, even she was likable with Easton as they lamented the past and current ramifications of their situations. I thought she was, well, sweet.  In her scenes with Howarth, I didn't find her to be anything more than a prop to his guilt but, like John, she didn't bug me.

I have to admit to loving John and Todd's scenes on OLTL but, then again, I loved almost everyone with Howarth on OLTL.  Hell, he made TSJ watchable. On GH, not so much.  Heather's getting stale and Carly's just a Chucklehead there to showcase Todd until Blair arrives and hopefully Viki. She's the Placeholder he claims SNV was until the real thing arrives.  I didn't see the "great" qualities in the scenes with Sonny.  I thought Benard- I learned to spell his name now- looked silly and old and short and tired and trite. Much like the rest of GH.  It really needs to be put down. It's a dying dog. But I digress for a change. John seemed to come to life with Howarth and I miss that. Hopefully we're getting some soon.

Yet with Easton, Monaco actually exuded some feeling from me. But let's not go over overboard. Her attempt to make him stop drinking and the way she called him "friend" were cringeworthy. She ain't no Slezak, or even an Archer, but she's passable in a Bree Williamson kind of way and she's not nearly as pouty.  Yuck. That pout. Even Howarth couldn't get her through those terrible scenes with "Uncle Todd" where she looked as if she wanted to devour him whole and he looked as skeeved out as we were. 

Again, I digress.  But I think Monaco has some potential as long as she's away from the Blackhole in the Black T-shirt- meaning Burton.  He's awful and like some light up the screen around them and make everyone look better, he does the opposite. He makes every scene worse and his presence is sucking the oxygen out of the atmosphere.  And not in a good way. He's so bored and boring, he makes everyone seem as bad as him.  PLEASE KEEP HIM AWAY FROM BLAIR!!! She's had to deal with enough of that. She got stuck with TSJ for years.  Yeah, I said it!!! He sucked.

So, here I am, almost on the "McBam" bandwagon, but I'm still standing with my feet firmly on the ground. I can't get fully onboard yet. I like what may be coming but I'm hesitant.  Anything having to do with Jason makes me want to wretch, but I'm hoping he's going away if this show stays. Those new promos are quite the eye opener. And not subtle, to say the least.

But, that's my next blog. It's tentatively titled "ABC Legitimizes Valentini's Folly" or "Pink Slips STAT: Suck It, Mob Guys and Your Trolly Chick! There's a New Gang in Town". 

Guess which one I'll use.................

What Happened to the Long Form? The Case of the Insta-Story

I remember when I was about seven, my grandmother told me something I've never forgotten.  As she held my hand and we walked through the Eden's Plaza parking lot, just outside Carson Pirie Scott, in Wilmette, Illinois, she told me that every summer gets shorter and shorter as we get older.  I remember that vividly as it was summer at the time and my grandmother rarely had heart-to-hearts with me at all, as I was the youngest of ten granddaughters.  She must have been talked out by the time I made my way to the scene. But I never forgot it and think of it every summer as the season zips by.

Time does get compressed as we age.  That's true. I think this is something particularly fitting to this form as it reaches it's final resting point.  With so little time left, it seems there's no time left to tell a good story anymore. There's no long form story telling. Maybe the audience has lost its attention span. Maybe someone thinks this is good.  I don't know.  But I also think that it's more than that. I think it's a lack of patience on the part of the writers,the producers, and the audience.  Sorry, Guys, but we're guilty of this, as well. But I'll refrain from calling us names!

How is it that people automatically fall in love? How is that people automatically start telling one another intimate details about their lives? How is it that people become best friends overnight?  In the past, it took months and maybe years for relationships to be built and be established.  Now, it's a few weeks and then off to the races, or bed, or whatever. It's as if characters are now plot points more than fleshed out individuals. Is this because time is a luxury no one has anymore as all these shows are speeding their way to cancellation?  Is this a symptom of the problem or the cause of it?

I always hated when I was young and the older generation would go on and on about the "old days". They'd whine and complain about how everything used to be better and now it all sucked. I thought it was sour grapes and it made me roll my eyes and think they were pathetic.  I remember about ten years ago when my older sister told me all the "kid's" music sucked and I told her she was getting old and to lighten up.  I didn't even mind having the "youngins" teach me things in class and mock me for using words like "boombox".  I was proud of my age. Until I heard Elvis Costello in the grocery store.  That was too much.

I'd like to believe that it's me and my problem with the current state of these shows, but I can't. When did people fall in love immediately and then need to be married even faster?  As nice as Adam and Chelsea are on Y&R, they've known each other for about a minute and in order to be the new Todd and Blair, they need at least eight months to a year.  Now,  it's all done before the next commerical break.  What happened to the slow build and the eventual moment that we all waited for?  Can no one wait anymore? I thought that was one of the cornerstones of the soap opera?  Make them wait!!!

I see some claim that Todd and Carly are a slow build. To what?  Nothingness? You need to have something to build on and I see nothing going on there but plot plot plot.  Todd needs to express his point of view- cue Carly.  Todd needs to explain his past- cue Carly.  Todd needs to be objectified and they can't do it in the normal way- cue Carly.  That's not a slow build. That's exposition that's not interesting.  It's not the hint of passion that becomes something really important later. It's a way to get Howarth's shirt off and not have Todd be in a sex scene until Blair arrives. This is the hint of passion that takes a year to become something- the Todd Manning Flirt and Slow Build.  This is how it's done, Ladies and Hip Dudes.

There are scenes that are two minutes long, if we're lucky.  What happened to the ten minute scenes that took up a whole segment?  We had those in the past and still do on occasion but not often. We did in the last months of OLTL and they were great. Viki's wonderful montage scene. The cabin scenes with Todd and Blair.  The Bo and Nora scenes as he left the police force.  They were long and great and about talking and history and emotion.  They could have gone on forever as we knew the characters and what they were discussing and the actors could make drivel fascinating.  Now, it seems, characters are pigeon-holed into the online world of Short Attention Span Theater.  Hurry, get the scene done quickly before the kids tune out.  That's not story telling. It's blogging.

There has to be quick action that makes no sense but is over quickly.  Rivalries are established in a minute and then dropped as fast as they appeared. What happened to those great enemies who spend years cultivating their animosity?  What happened to the Adam and Palmers?  I thought Todd hated Sonny. Guess no one cares anymore.  I thought John hated Sonny.  Not an issue any more, it seems.  I miss a good Viki/Dorian long term frenemy-ship.  I miss a nice Kevin/Todd hatefest with a history behind it and a lot of venomous crap coming out of both of their mouths- no matter who played Kevin.  Those rivalries came out of years of abuse and vitriol and didn't just appear overnight and then die as quickly.  I miss seeing Marty's face when she sees Todd- or Nora's!!!

Now that's some good old hatred.  You can't create that overnight. You need years of brewing emotion for that. It's long form and so what's missing now.

Maybe that's why only the vet characters are working at this point.  The newer characters and actors are superficial and uninteresting.  They're soras'd children who weren't allowed to "get"  interesting with time.  They're instant families we're supposed to care about for no reason.  I could easily have rooted for Chandy to kill all the Fords at once if it were possible. I still think back fondly on Bobby's moment with Chandy. It was thing of beauty.  Who are these people and why do we care about them? At least the GH audience is getting some well established characters as their newbies. No Fords or Patels for them.  They should realize that they're lucky.

Characters need to grow on us, not be presented fully formed and then we're asked to be pleased. We need to get to know them and understand them and then, maybe, we'll care. If not, they need to move on.  No one has the time or the inclination anymore.  Maybe it's a symptom of the industry.  Maybe it's a symptom of the culture.  Everything moves fast and nothing lasts forever-it's all digital.

There are no hard copies.  Just vague images of what used to be real and lasting.  I suppose that's why we cling to what was as it's all that's left.  We can look back at the way things used to be and realize that was a time when we had the time to make it matter.  Now, we're all too busy and moving too fast. There isn't the moment to make it linger anymore. It's just the image. The postmodern age and the postmodern condition. It looks like love and they talk like it's love, but it's not love.  Only the image of it.


OMG, I sound like Andy Fucking Rooney.........I better go have my eyebrows waxed STAT!! Or maybe I'll go watch Youtube and see if I know what the hell I'm talking about.  I'd hate to admit it, but I think I do.  Summer's going fast and soon, it will all be over.  I can't even be sure if it ever happened. 

Like these soaps that will be gone in a minute, every season goes faster and faster and now what will be left?  Well, we'll always have Chandy!

Now that's some good action!

The Coming of the Soap Opera Apocalypse: Pestilence (sickness and disease)

Is it true that DID is catching, because I'm thinking it is!

This is one of the last entries in the series  "The Coming of the Soap Opera Apocalypse". So far, you may recall, we've had wars, people having no love for each other, earthquakes, lawlessness, and now we hit pestilence.  Pestilence, in this instance, means a plague. There is a disease that is spreading to epic proportions.  Yet rather than DID being diagnosed all over town, I think it's happening more in the writer's rooms. They're giving their characters alters without telling us...or knowing for that matter. This issue, of characters looking like themselves but being someone we've never seen before, does seem to be a bit of a plague. Yet it is only discussed on the show when Nimnuts is writing.  I'm not sure that it's spreading like wildfire, but it's hitting some of my favorites, I'll tell you that.

It's the scourge of the Soap Opera Nation.  I've been noticing this for years.  Suddenly, your characters start doing odd things you'd never expect and they would never do in the past.  There's no explanation.  They just become someone else. They don't look different or sound different- well, most of the time- but the words coming out of their mouths and the actions are of another person.  "That's not MY character I've watched for twenty years".  Besides those who are excused due to later explanation, it is a rash of DID.

The only one who's excused from this issue is Special Needs Victor- or SNV as I like to call him.  He acted like no version of Todd I ever saw so he could have grown an alter.  But he's now excused because, guess what, Kids, HE HEVER WAS TODD!!! I can't say that enough. It's like a giant weight being taken off my  chest every time I hear it.  Well, maybe not giant, but medium sized.  He was a little gnat of a man, IMO.

Yet besides him, I saw no other excuse for all the out of character behavior except for the plague of DID that's taken over the place.  And stunk it up, to some extent. 

There are too many instances to name but we'll note a few.  Let's start with Tad locking up the Doctor Greg Whatever, former Duke from GH...sigh, Duke....in a grave. WTH was that? When did my pal, Tad the Former Cad, become a psychotic lunatic? He's a scamp and a scoundrel but a sick bastard? I don't think so.  What alter was that, Vlad, the Sicko? NO, just no. No psychotic forays for my boy.  No way.

Then there was Dixie, the Not Dead Dixie for the,  IDK, tenth time. She shows up in town and doesn't head to her kid or to the love of her life, but hangs with Zach, the hip Casino guy, and doesn't tell anyone she's alive? WTH was that?? I thought Dixie was all about love and home and peace and "You are My Fucking Sunshine"?  Who the hell was that?  Spixie, the Sex  Kitten who just wants to get laid by Thorsten Kaye now that he's not the ultra annoying Patrick Poetryboy but kind of  hot Zach?? That's not any Dixie I never knew.  Must have been an alter.

Then there's Blair.  Her long lost husband with the real face shows up and lays one hot kiss on her in the middle of a huge gruop of people.  What does she do?  Nothing.  She hangs out and ponders if it's him.  Really, you don't know?  That was one helluva kiss and I think it's pretty convincing that he's a guy who's fantasized about you for eight, long, sexless years.  That's a dry spell even for Todd. Then she chats and hangs with Delgados.  WTH??? Who's that person?  Where's Blair who'd  move heaven and earth to find her husband, no matter what, and would be more than happy to rip him a new one for being gone so long or rip his clothes off and show him how much she's missed him?  Who's this drip who's chatting with Tea while he's locked up and being drilled- and not in the good way- by everyone else.  It must be Spare, as in "Spare me, this Chucklehead isn't Blair". That alter needs to stay in Llanview as I hear Blair's on her way to PC to kick Carly's lard ass.  Spare would sit at the bar, wondering what do about it.  Blair's gonna show her who's boss...I hope...and show her the meaning of respect.

I feel no need to mention Todd's alter, Eddie Haskell. There's nothing that needs to be said about him.  He's annoying but seen rarely and, hopefully soon, he'll be gone forever.  "Do you 'like' like me?"  Are you kidding me?? No.  Not even worth the space here.  Just, no.  Thank you for your weeks of service and good luck in future endeavors.  Now get the Hell out!!!

The worst case of the plague of DID, though, must be Sharon Newman Newman Newman Newman, infinty. WTH??????????She's definitely suffering. I'm expecting them to actually use it on the show, even though I hear it's a brain tumor.  How original.  She's Scarin' as in "scarin' me half to death".  What did Sharon Case do to Maria Arena Bell, anyway?  I think all the past HWs have had it in for her but this is insane.  She's always had an alter named "Sharin'" but Scarin' in a complete nutjob.  She's the slutty Sharin' but she's also the mean-spirited, vengeful kleptomaniac who deserts her kids, makes them think she's dead,  and then rejects Nick for Adam, who stole her baby and told her she was dead, and then nails her father in law.  WTH is that noise???  What happened to sweet but slutty, stupid Sharon?  I must say, the mind reels.

So, to all of this pestilence, I say a pox on their homes.  No more DID for me.  I need not see these alters anymore.  And I hope I won't.  There's having characters grow and change and then there's character assassination that's so intense, it's only explained by DID.  Or a brain tumor. That's what I'm seeing.

We need a miracle cure STAT!!!I'm sure Viki could show up and give the correct diagnosis and therapy while my boyfriend, Dr. David Hayward, could find a new drug that makes them all integrated finally and completely.  I hope it's not Libidiozone.  Scarin' doesn't need it.

The Dismal Players in ABC Daytime: Couldn't Happen to Nicer Guys!

The ratings came out for the ABC line up last week and the numbers for their chat show offerings were terrible.  BITE ME, ABC, and you can print it!!  I've never seen anything more suitable for you.  You reap what you sow and, it seems, you sowed a lot of shit.

Soon it will the clear how smart it was for ABC to make it's "bold" move to cancel two shows with strong audiences and legacies for two pieces of crap that could have been produced by my twelve year old niece in Glencoe, Illinois, in her basement.  Wait a minute. That's not fair.  She and her friends would have produced much better shows and although she, too, is a redhead, she would have been so much more likable as a host than sweaty, icky Mario Batalli.  He's a massive douchebag.  And he's fat. My niece, on the other hand, is neither fat nor is she icky. And I rarely see her sweat except in a soccer game.  In fact, she's fabulous! And she can cook her little heart out.

But, again, I digress.  The numbers show that they are down on all sides.  Too bad. I would have thought that icky, sweaty guy and that annoying Hootie-Hoo with the bug eyes would be ever so popular. In a country plagued by ever-increasing waistlines and diminishing IQ scores, that's just what we need.  A show that teaches us to eat, teaches us to live "healthy", and a show that displays four pre- or actively menopausal women talking about nothing important and pretending they know about things that are important.  Please, someone put a cork in Hasselbeck. She's so dumb it makes me want to stab somebody.  

Ugh.  I'd rather be watching the show from the basement. At least that may be original. Glencoe is a pleasant little town, very wooded with lovely homes and a beautiful lakefront. But, again, I digress.  However, it seems, the country agrees with me.

We can't say enough about the dismal ratings of The Revolution.  They're down 46% from last year.  About this time last year, Todd Manning was escaping captivity and venturing upon his Lurking Tour 2011.  What a good time that was now that we look back on it.  At the time, it was a bit draggy. But, man, what I wouldn't give now to see him glare at Special Needs Vic, bond with little Sam, almost show himself to Viki, and chase after Blair like a dog in heat.  Well, I hear we'll see that last one soon enough. But I'd rather it be in Llanview.

These numbers are pitiful. So pitiful, in fact, that those morons cancelled that piece of crap already. That should make people feel better, but it doesn't.  Doesn't make up for the fact that hundreds of people were put out of work.  Doesn't make up for the lost revenue for the vendors who serviced that active set in Manhattan. And, doesn't make up for the loss of a program that millions of people loved and hundreds worked to make matter.  Oh, well, just snuffed out for a moronic, dull moment in daytime that no one will remember except those who it hurt. Viva la ABC!  Incompetence at it's finest!  The Legacy of Brian Frons lives on....

The Chew is doing poorly, as well.  They're down 19% in key demos from last year when AMC was on.  Now, that doesn't seem as bad. But you have to look at it in context.  AMC was already in the toilet.  OLTL, on the other hand, was not.  So, if The Chew- or The Spew, as some call it- is down 19%, that still means they're below the shit ratings of AMC by almost 20%. They took the bad ratings even further down. So they are, in fact almost as bad as The Revolution, just not quite.  But almost.  The Revolution just had further to go as OLTL was holding it's own quite well.

Cheap piece of crap or not, that ain't good.  It must take a lot of money to keep craft services stocked with a fatass like Batalli around.  Good job, ABC.  You see, Dumbasses, you could have improved AMC back to quality with a little work. You can't improve this loser- it sucks and it will continue to suck. How many "theme shows" can you have?  I never want to see anyone in pajamas again, like ever. I know how to cook healthy and make a turkey.  Move on!  It's dull and the cast is so irritating, I can't even sit through a fucking promo.  And they're all ugly.  What's with that? Aren't there any attractive chefs in the world? I know I've seen a few on Top Chef.  It can't get better because there's nothing to improve. It's ugly, insipid, and mind-numbingly dull. It was a loser when it started and it will be a loser when it ends. Hopefully, that will be soon.

You could have made AMC good again by dumping the Ryan and Greenlee show and focusing on the basics- those characters who mattered and the people who could act.  It was possible. It happened with OLTL.  But, why try, right?  Just dump it and move on.  Well, you did. And, now, you're not only in the toilet, your numbers are way down the sewer line.  Seems fitting for a piece of shit.

And, of course, you have The View. I don't care about them so I won't comment. I don't watch it because I'm not a mindless house frau.  You see, Fuckheads, that's who watches crap talk shows in the daytime.  That's NOT the daytime audience in total.  There is a wide variety of us- some with jobs even- and we chose to watch those crap shows you so callously killed for your precious bottom line.  How does that bottom line look now, Asswipes?  Not so good, huh?  Oh well. Couldn't happen to nicer guys.

So, you regret your mistakes and now you're trying to somehow get Valentini to do something about it?  I doubt that.  You're just looking for more cheap crap.  But, until you do, you'll let GH live on life support and turn it into OLTL.  Now, that's the first good decision you've made.  Congratulations, Nimnuts, and I don't mean Carlivati, even though he's benefiting from your incompetence currently.  

Oh, and Katie, her numbers are gonna suck because, remember, we chose to watch those shows you cancelled. We made time for them.  We looked forward to them.  We dvr'd them and chatted about them.  They had people on them we liked and cared about.  Katie?  Not so much.  She's vapid, uninteresting, phoney, and, oh yeah, not very bright.  Just like the audience you thought you had.

Guess again.  But they're the ones you've got now.  Good for you!!

I'll be on the other feed, watching that hip, new show from the basement.  I hear it's hot and has a smart little redhead behind it who happens to be named after Kelly Ripa's character on AMC.  I think I'll pitch it to HBO. They know quality when they see it.  I wonder if Slezak would make an appearance?  Todd and Viki hit Glencoe?  I could see it.  Harold Ramis lives down the street. Maybe he'd be interested.  I'll have to stop by next time we're walking the dog.............

The Unchecked Power of the "Insider": The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Much of the fun of being a soap opera fan is in the sense of community. Fans of daytime scripted drama, like fans of other dramatic programming and literature, enjoy the comradery of the fan culture. It is in this culture that they exchange opinions, insight, and conjecture.  It's special in daytime because it was, until recently, a lifetime commitment.  Fans were not just fans for a season or a few seasons, but forever.  They came to this experience with a lifetime of knowledge and insight into the characters, the actors, and the creative teams.

With the introduction of the internet, a new player emerged into the field.  We call this person the "insider" and said insider possesses what soap fans crave- information.  And, unfortunately, this insider wields some power over the fans and often uses that to market the show, gauge fan reaction, or, most notably, gain power for their own reasons.  I have noticed in the last few years, the "insider" has gone from simple to complex and, lately, can be more problematic not just for the fan experience but for the show itself.  These people need to be stopped as daytime is at a crisis point and these schmucks aren't helping anyone but themselves.

Possibly what fans enjoy more than anything is the speculation of what will happen next.  We love to go back and forth, compare history and character and writer and try to predict future story.  Will there be consequences for the actions?  Will there be retribution for the evil deed?  Will the betrayal be found out and, when it is, what will happen next?  In other words, we all want to know what will happen before it happens because, well, in Yiddish, we're a bunch of "Yentas".  This means we can't stop gossiping and need to know all now and then won't shut up about it!!  In some ways, we're traditional stereotypes of  women and gay men. Hey, if the shoe fits, we gotta wear it, Ladies and very hip Dudes.


So, due to our need to know, and know first, BTW, this gives an alleged "insider" a privileged position.   They are then in a power position over the fans.  In interpersonal communication, they define power as having the means to meet the needs of others. If you can fulfill the needs of people, you have power over them.  If you can prove that you ALONE can fulfill those needs, then you have the ultimate power and can use that in any fashion you choose. Often that power leads to a fascistic use and allows for abuse.

Recently, it seems that the "insiders" seem to feel that they have this authoritarian form of power over the fans. Rather than promote the show and tease the fans, this form of insider tends to use his moment in the spotlight to torment them, chastise them, insult them, and possibly use the forum as a bully pulpit for their own grudges and ideas.  In other words, the insider turns into a megalomaniac.  And, in my opinion, they need to stop.  Possibly for therapy.

They are no longer helping these shows but causing serious unrest in the fanbase. At a time when all shows need as many viewers as possible and even more support, these insiders are undercutting that enthusiasm and driving fans away.  It seems that maybe it's time to drive the "insider" away and let the fans think for themselves.

It's been discussed that one specific insider is using his "forum" to not help the show he speaks about but actually hurt it. Rumor is he is no longer employed and is attempting to exact revenge on those who fired him.  This is purely conjecture but it is an interesting theory.  Attempting to abuse fans and destroy the good will the show is attempting to build would achieve that nefarious end.  It's evil but effective.

It has been mentioned that this information is not only destructive, but false. And, in disseminating it, it will drive away future viewers who wanted another outcome and then the show will sink even further.  This is a particularly hateful tactic as it tends to hurt everyone. The fans are distraught as their hopes are dashed.  The show is hurt as the ratings surge they hoped this story may give them won't happen as the fans are not supportive.  In the long run, the insider who is allegedly "marketing" the show is in fact destroying it.  People are then fired, shows are cancelled, and fans are unhappy.  Who wins here?  I guess the "insider" who possibly has some bad intentions.


But what if the information is true?  Do the fans need to be "warned"?  I would argue that is ridiculous. It achieves the negative outcome outlined above instead of the opposite. The goal here is to get people to watch. If you want people to watch, even if they'll eventually be disappointed, you still want them to watch!!!  Otherwise, this is an exercise in futility.  Dashing their hopes and pissing on their joy is not going to achieve this end.  People who are told that they will not be getting what they want will NOT watch.  In other words, there is no reason for this behavior. It should be stopped.


If anyone with any power is reading this, put a cork in these guys.  They're not helping you.  Website Administrators, they're driving people OFF your site, not to it.  If they hate the info they get, they don't care if it's juicy or not. They still hate it. They'll lose interest or resent the "insider".  Either way, you lose traffic.  Ban these people. They're hurting the experience.

Now, there are legit insiders who simply drop info and run.  That's one thing. They're not there for the power or the "glory", such as it is. That's not what I'm discussing here. But the "insider" who returns over and over, some of them daily, are not there just to share. They're there, well, I don't know why they're there. But there's some reason and it can't be good. If they really were working on the sets and in the industry, shouldn't they be too busy to show up on a message board every day? Don't they have better things to do than argue that they're right and the fans are stupid and should listen to them- not the actors, not other insiders, and not to their own internal knowledge of the characters.  But to THEM- the insider.

Now, come on, that's sick.  And creepy.

But what do I know? I'm just a moronic fan and silly professor. All I have is an office full of diplomas, a lot of letters after my name, and years of scholarly research and study under my belt.  I'm too stupid. I need an insider to learn me them facts!!  It's good that I have one or I'd be lost in enjoying the last days of a genre I love.  Thank God they showed me the error of my ways.

I'd be lost without my insider.

The Mouth That Roared: Lucci Hijacks the Emmy Tribute

Okay, I've made it no secret that I am not a Susan Lucci fan. If you are, you probably want to skip this as it won't be pretty.  I don't mean to offend any of her fans, who I respect, but I am about to start with a the rant filled with the rage of unknown proportions and point it all at La Lucci.

As I've said before, I think she's untalented, overrated, and pompous.  This last Saturday night confirmed every bad thing I ever thought about her.  Holy Ego, Batman, how narcissistic can one short, elderly actress be?  

Lucci's oration about her greatness and her character completely hijacked the already disappointing Daytime Emmy program. And, if it wasn't bad enough, she had the talentless dolt Cameron Matheson smarming it up beside her as the elegant Erika Slezak tried to get a word in edgewise.  In characteristic bad taste, she took the utterly awful "tribute moment" to discuss herself, her character, and her importance to a genre that is dying.  Nice work, Lucci, you just proved what you really are- an egomaniac.



I'm sorry but it makes me go nuclear when I see Lucci being lauded for that great show when she brought a lot of attention but not a lot of substance.  I know she's an "icon".  Great. Good for her. She brought a lot of attention to daytime and to AMC. It was good for the show and ratings. I concede that point. But when the show is over and there's a moment to pay tribute to the program, why must this egomaniac talk about herself and nothing else?  Must she rub it in everyone's face that she was the show?  I guess so and from what I've seen in terms of reaction, it's backfired.  She showed who she was- a self-promoter who rode the coattails of people with more talent into history.  Thankfully, last Saturday night was her swan song. She showed her true colors and the last moment in the spotlight always overrides the others.

Please, someone pop this woman's balloon and tell her that she was never "all that" and that she needs to retire to Palm Springs with the rest of the senior citizens.  Her 15 minutes ended about 1974 and she needs to realize that.  Move on, Toots, and daytime ending has one redeeming element- I never have to roll my eyes at her Erica Kane stinking up my show ever again. Good riddance.

Well, maybe that's harsh.  But I am sick to death of that woman hijacking a show that at one point was spectacular. She may have been the most visible but she was never the most talented. AMC, the show of my family and childhood and wonderful memories, was carried by the people who stood on the sidelines, doing the heavy lifting, while blowhards like Lucci lapped up the spotlight.  I'm talking about David Canary, of course, and Michael E Knight, Julia Barr, Marcy Walker, Ray MacDonnell, Vincent Irizarry, Cady McClain, Darnell Williams, Debbi Morgan, James Mitchell, Kate Collins, Mary Fickett, Peter Bergman, Mark LaMura, Frances Heflin, Ruth Warrick, and countless others.  I could go on and on listing them all and if I forgot to specifically mention anyone, please leave their name in the comment section. It seems as if no one else will and damnit, they deserve the attention such as it is.

 

The great actors of daytime were not there to get famous. They were there for paychecks and to do the work.  Many were there because they loved the form.  Many were not but their motivations are not really important. They did a great job and entertained people and brought a lot of dignity to a genre that is maligned for being inadequate.  They took a lot of crap from their peers. They had their work degraded as "inferior".  They made far less money than their colleagues in other genres. But they showed up everyday and did a great job.  They made something that they could be proud of in the face of elitist mentalities and those people should have been applauded. Not someone who had a great promoter and publicist and a pretty face.  I find the whole display disgusting.

It was apparent what was happening there as I watched the wonderful Erika Slezak dressed in a tasteful black sequin gown stand awkwardly off to the side while those two blowhards babbled on and on.  When Lucci put her arm around Matheson, you could see her reach for Slezak, who recoiled a bit, and then relented and let the little "actress" hug her.  How nauseating that moment was to watch!!!  Poor Slezak had to grace the stage with those two to give the moment some credibility.  She did so with requisite class as anyone would expect of her.  She was one of the people who carried this genre on her back as she waded through the crap.

I won't even acknowledge the lack of tribute to OLTL, as there was no real tribute to AMC either, but I found the whole display disgusting and typical of what has happened. No one in that industry gives a shit and that's apparent. There's only one problem- we do!!  In a year when two shows were murdered for inferior crap that isn't even pulling in numbers that are close to their predecessors, another knife was placed in the back of daytime's creative teams, actors, and fans.  "Thank for your years of service and we wish you luck in future endeavors, now get the hell out...and don't let the door hit you on the way". 

It's even worse having one of "their own" twist the knife. The only solace I take from this incident is that it makes everyone see what Lucci really is.  Good job, Susan, you showed the world what matters most- glamor with no substance.  It now defines your last moment in daytime history.  And you once again showed how superior actors can upstage you by doing nothing.  

Hey, at least there's that.  I always thought Erica was there to show the world how dumb, vain, and pathetic women can be. You've now shown that you were perfect for that part.   

The Coming of the Soap Opera Apocalypse: Earthquakes

Okay, so in the list of things that are a sign of the End of Soap Opera Days, this one is a no-brainer. Let's call it a rash of natural disasters.  This is so common that it's hardly worth discussing.  Every Spring, there's a tornado.  Every winter, there's a snow storm "like the world has never seen".  Every so often, there's a crazy rain storm that hits out of nowhere and floods streets so old lovers can be trapped together and, undoubtedly, have sex.

This is so cliche, it's ridiculous.  But, what the hell? Let's talk about it anyway.  In fact, lazy writers have used this so often, it makes it less entertaining. Yet once in a while, there's a good one.  But rarely.  It seems to me that this is simply a symptom of the horrible writing that has tanked this genre.  So, I'm on board.  Besides the people having no love for one another and lawlessness and crazy wars, the natural disasters are indicative of where we went off the rails.  Come on, Guys and Maria Bell, can't you be a little more inventive to find ways to stick people together with the eventual result of having sex?  Can't you think of something a little more interesting?

Okay, so to be fair, sometimes, this stuff works.  The last storm on GH was stupid, but so is all of GH. It's a dumb plotpoint to get Sam and Tea to give birth at the same time in places other than hospitals.  And, I'm sorry, but Tea in labor is so unappealing, I think Todd may have had to grow an alter to get through it.  Hell, I might have.  I'll call her "Paddison" and she's deaf, so she didn't hear Tea's wailing and psycho shrying.  But it was still kind of amusing.  The storm worked in that respect. It drowned out some of Tea's screeching.

But it's so overused and comes out of nowhere. What about making the world a little less "stressful" in terms of natural disaster and making it about emotional disasters or business disasters?  The last disaster on OLTL was the blackout, but I'll let that one pass as it was man-made and brought us all those great people breaking out of prison. Anything that lets me see Mitch again works for me!  But couldn't there be something more inventive?  Like couldn't there have been a plain old prison break.  I know, the black out made for all that romantic lighting, but it could have been more like an old movie. They were more realistic...okay, that's a stretch.  But a thought.

The worst one I ever saw was on AMC and Bianca gave birth- what a shock- and Babe died.  I can't even remember what it was but I think it was a tornado or a flood or something. It was so bad, I don't even remember .  Now, as annoyed as I was with AMC at that point, killing Babe made it all worth it.  She was a waste of space and an insult to the great female characters AMC had in the past. But, as usual, I digress.

The point here is that the storm or natural disaster is all plot point that makes it easy to throw people together rather than having to write complex stories that build over time and bring people together in a realistic and rational way. I know I've lived through many a storm and even a slight tornado and countless snowstorms.  Yet I've never been trapped with someone I hardly know and it led to sex.  That's just, well, stupid. It's stupid in real life and it's stupid on a soap. But I have to admit that when Nick and Sharon got trapped in Jack's cabin in the snow and Brad died from driving into the pond and Phyllis flipped out about trying to get to them, it led to one helluva sex scene and romance galore.  That one worked real well but, hey, Nick and Sharon can sell it trapped or not.

I get how the disaster make for a lot of potential "OOO"s and "AAHH"s but, really, who cares?  We want to see complicated relationships, not buildings falling down and women screaming.  Maybe we can live with the men having their shirts torn, but there must be an easier way.  See: Valentini's patented sauna trick.  Really, though, it's another symptom of the end of the soap opera. It's the apocalypse coming because, in actuality, it's lazy writing.  And that's the real problem. There's a lot of issues, but that's what it all comes down to. And that's enough.