The ratings came out for the ABC line up last week and the numbers for their chat show offerings were terrible. BITE ME, ABC, and you can print it!! I've never seen anything more suitable for you. You reap what you sow and, it seems, you sowed a lot of shit.
Soon it will the clear how smart it was for ABC to make it's "bold" move to cancel two shows with strong audiences and legacies for two pieces of crap that could have been produced by my twelve year old niece in Glencoe, Illinois, in her basement. Wait a minute. That's not fair. She and her friends would have produced much better shows and although she, too, is a redhead, she would have been so much more likable as a host than sweaty, icky Mario Batalli. He's a massive douchebag. And he's fat. My niece, on the other hand, is neither fat nor is she icky. And I rarely see her sweat except in a soccer game. In fact, she's fabulous! And she can cook her little heart out.
But, again, I digress. The numbers show that they are down on all sides. Too bad. I would have thought that icky, sweaty guy and that annoying Hootie-Hoo with the bug eyes would be ever so popular. In a country plagued by ever-increasing waistlines and diminishing IQ scores, that's just what we need. A show that teaches us to eat, teaches us to live "healthy", and a show that displays four pre- or actively menopausal women talking about nothing important and pretending they know about things that are important. Please, someone put a cork in Hasselbeck. She's so dumb it makes me want to stab somebody.
Ugh. I'd rather be watching the show from the basement. At least that may be original. Glencoe is a pleasant little town, very wooded with lovely homes and a beautiful lakefront. But, again, I digress. However, it seems, the country agrees with me.
We can't say enough about the dismal ratings of The Revolution. They're down 46% from last year. About this time last year, Todd Manning was escaping captivity and venturing upon his Lurking Tour 2011. What a good time that was now that we look back on it. At the time, it was a bit draggy. But, man, what I wouldn't give now to see him glare at Special Needs Vic, bond with little Sam, almost show himself to Viki, and chase after Blair like a dog in heat. Well, I hear we'll see that last one soon enough. But I'd rather it be in Llanview.
These numbers are pitiful. So pitiful, in fact, that those morons cancelled that piece of crap already. That should make people feel better, but it doesn't. Doesn't make up for the fact that hundreds of people were put out of work. Doesn't make up for the lost revenue for the vendors who serviced that active set in Manhattan. And, doesn't make up for the loss of a program that millions of people loved and hundreds worked to make matter. Oh, well, just snuffed out for a moronic, dull moment in daytime that no one will remember except those who it hurt. Viva la ABC! Incompetence at it's finest! The Legacy of Brian Frons lives on....
The Chew is doing poorly, as well. They're down 19% in key demos from last year when AMC was on. Now, that doesn't seem as bad. But you have to look at it in context. AMC was already in the toilet. OLTL, on the other hand, was not. So, if The Chew- or The Spew, as some call it- is down 19%, that still means they're below the shit ratings of AMC by almost 20%. They took the bad ratings even further down. So they are, in fact almost as bad as The Revolution, just not quite. But almost. The Revolution just had further to go as OLTL was holding it's own quite well.
Cheap piece of crap or not, that ain't good. It must take a lot of money to keep craft services stocked with a fatass like Batalli around. Good job, ABC. You see, Dumbasses, you could have improved AMC back to quality with a little work. You can't improve this loser- it sucks and it will continue to suck. How many "theme shows" can you have? I never want to see anyone in pajamas again, like ever. I know how to cook healthy and make a turkey. Move on! It's dull and the cast is so irritating, I can't even sit through a fucking promo. And they're all ugly. What's with that? Aren't there any attractive chefs in the world? I know I've seen a few on Top Chef. It can't get better because there's nothing to improve. It's ugly, insipid, and mind-numbingly dull. It was a loser when it started and it will be a loser when it ends. Hopefully, that will be soon.
You could have made AMC good again by dumping the Ryan and Greenlee show and focusing on the basics- those characters who mattered and the people who could act. It was possible. It happened with OLTL. But, why try, right? Just dump it and move on. Well, you did. And, now, you're not only in the toilet, your numbers are way down the sewer line. Seems fitting for a piece of shit.
And, of course, you have The View. I don't care about them so I won't comment. I don't watch it because I'm not a mindless house frau. You see, Fuckheads, that's who watches crap talk shows in the daytime. That's NOT the daytime audience in total. There is a wide variety of us- some with jobs even- and we chose to watch those crap shows you so callously killed for your precious bottom line. How does that bottom line look now, Asswipes? Not so good, huh? Oh well. Couldn't happen to nicer guys.
So, you regret your mistakes and now you're trying to somehow get Valentini to do something about it? I doubt that. You're just looking for more cheap crap. But, until you do, you'll let GH live on life support and turn it into OLTL. Now, that's the first good decision you've made. Congratulations, Nimnuts, and I don't mean Carlivati, even though he's benefiting from your incompetence currently.
Oh, and Katie, her numbers are gonna suck because, remember, we chose to watch those shows you cancelled. We made time for them. We looked forward to them. We dvr'd them and chatted about them. They had people on them we liked and cared about. Katie? Not so much. She's vapid, uninteresting, phoney, and, oh yeah, not very bright. Just like the audience you thought you had.
Guess again. But they're the ones you've got now. Good for you!!
I'll be on the other feed, watching that hip, new show from the basement. I hear it's hot and has a smart little redhead behind it who happens to be named after Kelly Ripa's character on AMC. I think I'll pitch it to HBO. They know quality when they see it. I wonder if Slezak would make an appearance? Todd and Viki hit Glencoe? I could see it. Harold Ramis lives down the street. Maybe he'd be interested. I'll have to stop by next time we're walking the dog.............
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