To Tease or Torture- Has Valentini Tipped His Hand?

I'm going to give credit to a Todd and Blair fan on a certain board who knows who they are for this insight:

You have to be a kind of a masochist to be a Todd and Blair fan.

Ain't that the truth.

The heartbreak, the grief, the cruelty, the anger, the betrayal, the lies, and did I mention the heartbreak?  The tears and the begging and the misunderstanding and the manipulation and the disappearing and the vows of "I hate you" and "I don't love you" and enough already!!! It's been 18 years, for God's sake.  When is enough enough??? Valentini, you need to tell Nimnuts to stop. Like now. It's getting to be ri-goddman-diculous!!!

Enough with the angst. Enough with the teasing. Enough with the fear.  We're all grown ups now. How can it be that the show's been cancelled but Todd and Blair's  pain still continues?  There's teasing and there's torture. As this entire venture, or whatever you want to call it, heads into the twilight, it's time to end it. This is overkill. Let the pain end and move on!! 

Can we please get some relief here? There are more interesting stories to tell and, I'll be honest, none of them are on GH. If you want to keep OLTL fans, we better have something to watch that's good. I'm not seeing it. Watching Blair and Todd heartbreak for the 987th time better take me somewhere I want to go because Todd being nutty in PC ain't cutting  it.  It sucks!! 

I don't care about his friend, Carly, with the big ass and the caveman boyfriend. I'm not interested. She's whiny and annoying and a big mouth. And learn how to knock, you overbearing harpy!!  Bring back Viki or Moose but this chick is dull, dull, dull and she needs to have her jaw wired shut. Or at least dress her in Jill Abbot caftans. She's gone and Y&R might be having a fire sale soon.

It's obvious to anyone with eyes and any working knowledge of this genre that this is NOT the end of the Todd and Blair story. This is not part of the "slow build" to Codd because if it were, we'd get something else. We'd get Laura Wright's endless pimping. We're not.  In fact, I heard there was not even a peep out of her about it at her events this past weekend. People were asking for Codd spoilers and they got none.  Then one smart poster had to tell them that maybe it was because THERE ARE NONE!!

If that were coming, we'd be looking at a very different scenario.

We'd get Blair married off screen.  She wouldn't be back playing the doting Mrs. Manning, gleefully, BTW, at the Opening. She was so huggy, kissy and downright giddy, it was insane. 

Someone should inform her that engaged women don't let their smitten ex basically grope them.  He had his arms around her.  They had their hands interlocked- an old TNB standby.  She lovingly rested her head on his shoulder. As he snarked at Carly, she sweetly quieted him with "Todd" in her mildly Southern drawl. Being escorted by him to a show is bad enough. Her behavior was anything but that of a woman about to embark on a life with another man.

Let's not even start on the "dinner" scene.

WTH was that? Is that a rejection, Blair?  Is that "just an evening" or whatever she tried to make it?  Is that like when he almost kissed you on NYE and you said it "was just a moment" till he corrected  you, grabbed you, stuck his tongue down to your small intestine, and made you almost faint?

Is it like that kind of "evening"?  Is that how he's making "too much out of it"?


And why is all this happening at all? I see why she's there. It makes sense.  But is this more important than when Starr's on trial for attempted murder?  I guess Sam doesn't have the sniffles this time, huh? I know, they didn't want to pay KDP and FL at the same time, but we're talking about characters here, not realities of the set and the truth. This time, though, you show up without the barnacle that Nimnuts has attached to your ass.

Okay, now I have to digress here. I have to come clean and confess what I really don't like about Carlivati.  I, do, in fact kind of like Valentini as he's one hard core dude who seems dedicated to the show I like. So, I just get pissy with him. I rarely call him names and belittle him as, damnit, I kind of respect his old school asskicking ways. And, really, I'm afraid of him. Who wouldn't be?  I mean, I don't know what he'd do to me but I bet he could if he wanted to and it would be scary.  Big gay mafia in Chicago. They could find me.  Granted, I have a few allies in this particular wing of the syndicate, but they, too, would probably cower in the face of La Valentini. My dudes are tough yet not hard core like this guy!

Sorry, I digressed in my digression.

But I don't like Carlivati because I truly think he thinks that Tomas was a good character we should have been rooting for over Todd. Okay, Todd's a nutjob with anger management issues and a really bad sexual past.  I'll give you that. But Tomas is a nauseating, smarmy, self-righteous, pretentious, sick bastard. Really.  That story is so disgusting, I couldn't stomach it. I could see Blair trying to make something work with some dull guy, like Sam, but even KDP sounded off about it in the mags. It was ridiculous. I just remember Nimnuts saying there was still "hope" that Tomas would be found when Todd had him thankfully removed from my screen.  WHAT??? HOPE?? From who? You and the one crazed fan that inhabited DD?  It was at that moment that I knew the HW was completely out of touch with the audience.  I deemed him Nimnuts that very day.  And worse. But Nimnuts is funnier.

Now, back to the issue at hand.  Okay, So Blair shows up without that Canker Sore. That makes sense. Obviously Todd would go batshit crazy if he saw them together and then ruin Starr's night. That makes sense. But why stay at his hotel?  Why not inform him of your pending nuptials far in advance of this so he could freak and then move on to rage state NOT on Starr's night? Why look "gorgeous" for "Starr"?  Why would she be disappointed if her mother looked like crap?  Why was it important that you're there together for "Starr" as an afterthought?

Come on, Blair, we all speak Todd and Blair-bonics. We know that "Starr" was always code you two nutballs used for one another. See here as Blair says she won't marry Max if she could be with "Starr" and how the exchange continues:

Wow, a lot has changed in 11 years...........only not.  Well, the people surrounding them are more boring and it's always so fucking dark, I think I might have cataracts.  But, these two whacky kids are still the same.

This is so stupid.  I feel like reverting back to the '80's and being Jeff Spicoli and say "This is bogus"!!!

Get over it, people.  This is a bunch of crap!!!! She's not marrying Tomas because she loves him. She's not marrying Tomas at all,  really. She's not there JUST to see Starr sing.  She's not there to "let him down gently".  Give me a break, Blair. You're there to rub all over Todd just like he was there to rub all over you.  Bite me, Blair!!!!You want it and you know it.  And so do we.  I'm not sure Todd does yet, but I think I'll find out in the next two days.  And either way, everyone better watch out. He ain't gonna be happy......

I am sick of this bullshit.  I see the Jasam fans are angry and frustrated, justifiably so.  But, ya know what, you can all bite me, too!! Try 18 years of this and then get back to me.  Hell, there was even an 8 year period where you had to keep the faith that the character currently known as "Todd", at the time, was not Todd. Do you know how many people would talk to me about "Todd" in that time and I'd have to smile politely and say "That's not Todd.  That's an imposter".  They thought I was nuts. And I was right.

So, I'm right now. Move on!!! Enough's enough. I'm getting tired and impatient. GH SUCKS and if I'm forced to sit through that annoying crap for the characters I like, then you better reward me and, like, NOW!!! Before, I had other things to keep my attention. Now, not the case. Hell, unless it's Tracy and Todd and Tracy and Todd and a little  John/Sam makeout session, I'm bored out of my fucking mind!!!  I'm praying for a mass murder of the town or a natural disaster that Todd and Starr just happen to be in Llanview for at the time. Then let them stay.  This show sucks, for the 897,000th time.

I will not sit through pain and grief with no pay off and continue to be slowly bored to death with the drivel known as GH.  You've reached your limit, Big Guy, now it's time for payback.

Enough with the tease. If I don't get Llanview back in September, or at least some big parts of it, I'm out. There will be no Todd and anyone for me. I love the dude but he can't carry this loser show. Again, in case you forgot- It sucks.

Time is running out, Frank.  I'm serious. But, I'm not threatening you or anything. I'm not. Really. Don't hurt me.  You all know him. He'll cut a bitch!!....................  I think I need to go make some phone calls, just in case...........

Ten Things I Enjoyed Today More Than GH: Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!!

Now, I have to explain something before I start. I have a job that allows me to not work on campus from Memorial Day to Labor Day.  Therefore, since I essentially never left Academia, I have been off every summer, well, forever. I mean I work online or do other things, but I basically can go where I want every summer.Every summer since 1967, I went to "Harbor Country" in Northwest Indiana/ Southwest Michigan, about an hour fifteen from Chicago. I've spent every summer of my life here:

Today, I was on the edge. It wasn't a million degress. Blair was gone. So I had a choice.  Go out to the "country", a mere hour from the Loop, or watch Valentini's show....no contest!  So, here's my entry for the day:  Ten Things I Enjoyed Today More than Watching the Suckfest Called GH:

1.  Driving Over the Skyway Bridge:

There's a relief you feel when you now that the stress of reality is gone for a time and you're headed on vacation. You know it. It's the "ah" factor. My momnet for that is when I go over the Skyway Bridge between Chicago and head over the border to "lovely" Hammond Indiana. Truly a nauseating sight for the unaware. For me, and many others, it's like hearing the wail of the Harpies as they beckon you forward.

Today, as I headed East, I picked up the phone and called my friend, Phoebe, to share the moment.  I told her I was going over the bridge and she responded as she always does.  "Bitch!"  That means "I'm so happy for you and wish I were with you, as well". It's just said in another way.

2.  Driving Through Gary, Indiana on the Indiana Toll Road

Yeah, I said it!!! Who wants to know??? Gary, that's right, the most depressing, empty, smelly, burned out city on the planet.  Gary makes Flint or Detroit look like Paris.  It's always been the spot where my mother would say, "roll up the windows, kids" as the smell in my childhood was overwhelming.  The orange sky, the stench of spoiled eggs, the black soot coming out of the smokestacks, highlighted with the open flame, of the Steel Mills, all reminding us we had to get through the bad part to get to the good.

Now, it's not as smelly but just as ugly. And, as I age, I must admit I almost miss the stench and the wails of tortured children in backseats of station wagons as they drove by.  I almost miss my father's threats of "If you don't stop fighting. I'm going to light a cigar" and I always wondered if opening the window may not be as bad. But, rather than tempt fate, we'd stop fighting.

3. Driving Down Route 12 Headed into Town

It may not look like much but it's the first sign of home. And I was pleased that the people on the street were all smiling and happy and not nauseating harpies and thugs. Plain old Indiana folks and Chicago implants.  Not a boxing ring in sight.

4.  Paying less than $4 for Gas at the BP on Franklin

I hate gas stations and I hate spending a lot for gas. So, saving $.50 a gallon on gas was a pleasure. How happy I was that I didn't stay home, watch GH and work. I got such a deal on gas!!!









5. Going to the Beach

Not Me but Mini-Me In All Her Fabulosity

Okay, I'm bragging. I know it. My beach rocks!!! And it's Indiana. I went to Laguna recently and said "Yeah, it's nice, but it's not as nice as my beach."  Call me crazy but I'll take it over any other.  And can you believe it's in Indiana?????

The View From Lake Shore Drive

Once again, just showing how sunny and nice it is.  Unlike GH which is dark, dismal, and depressing.  Tell me, Frank, why would I go inside to get depressed and watch that drab show when I could be here? 







See this path, Frank? I used to walk up that path every day around Noon and watch AMC and OLTL.  It was a pleasure and really broke up my day. Know what I didn't do today? Well, I did walk up that path but it wasn't to watch your show.  Know why? It sucks!!!

The Path

6. Meeting my Friend, the Realtor, and Arguing About My Latest Offer

Okay, I'm one of those people who likes to get a deal but also wants to get what they want.  If I don't get what I want, I'll walk. But I want it on my terms. So, I'm shopping for a new house.  I made an offer. It wasn't accepted. I'm not pleased. I don't get why 25% of the asking price isn't acceptable?  Haven't they seen the market tank?  I go to the office and argue with my realtor, who I've known since I was six months old. That, Frank, was more fun than watching your show.

BTW, both my realtor and I are sure we'll get the house in the Fall. It's a matter of waiting....get it?

7. Going to the Bank to Kiss Ass

I hate bankers. I hate big bankers. I am a Frank Capra fan. However, today, after arguing with my realtor, I went to the bank- this is one of them- and kissed as much ass as I could. I was so disgustingly charming, I made myself sick. I was trained by Adam Chandler, after all. No amount of watching GH prepared me for that- know why?  No one's charming or smart. Just depressing, dull, and boring.



8. Going to my Grocery Store

Everyone has the old standby they love. I love my beach, my town, and my grocery store. I just do. It rocks. I know all the people and where everything is and they have a great, clean bathroom. Now that's important. I would usually go to this grocery store after I watched OLTL and had been to the beach.  Now, I went to the beach and went to the grocery store....what didn't I do? Guess...





9. Going to Pick Blueberries

Everyone has things they enjoy that maybe others don't.  I enjoy driving down Route12 into Michigan to 1000N to the blueberry farm with really loud, obnoxious music playing.  I prefer silly Southern Rock in this instance, like The Allman Brothers, or go another route with some Mellencamp- it is Indiana, after all. I am determined to paint my new house pink for just that reason!  But, again, I digress. I've gone to this blueberry farm to pick since I was a kid and my sisters and cousins would throw blueberries at one another and my aunt would yell at them. I was different. I was focused and clear and had a job to do.

Stateline Blueberry Farm, if I can shamelessly pimp them, is a vital part of the summer experience. The owners are nice and the fields are clear and the fruit kicks ass!! It's almost like being in the country...which I guess it is. But it's really being at the beach and the city at the same time.  So much fun, so little time. Yet, look, there's more now that I don't have to watch soap operas...




10. Heading back Down Route 12 with a Tan, XTC, and a Cooler of Bonnie Doon and Blueberries

So, my day is about done and I've got a nice tan, a carload of blueberries, and I'm listening to obnoxiously loud music as I head out. I realize as I'm heading into Gary that I smell that really rancid air from the Steel Mills and look at the clock. It's 2:00, GH is on. I knew that smell was familiar....


At the grocery store, I picked up a few half gallons of Bonnie Doon ice cream- made in Indiana for Indiana. I can't get it anywhere else. I have to have it ionce or twice a year as it's what I always had. Peppermint Stick, with the little pieces of green and pink candy pieces just like they had in the 1970's, and some Blue Moon.

Bonnie Doon Peppermint Stick

You seen, Frank, what I mean here is that today I spent my day doing the things I love and have loved all my life.  Forever, your shows were a a part of that. I made time for them. I worked them into the schedule. They were something that just "was", like my beach that doesn't change or the blueberries or the grocery store that only gets better but I still know the cashiers.  It's like my realtor who I've known forever and still can be annoying and irritating, but I love him.  I still go back to him when he tries to step me up and double-talks me.  Know why? I love him.  He's my dude.  Get it?

Like my new house, Frank, I'm waiting. I know I'll get it but it takes patience and perseverance and I'll hate it when it's under construction and I'll curse everyone.But, know what? It'll be worth it. Anything worth having is worth waiting for.  But, remember, like Bonnie Doon, if you change it too much, I'll find a new brand. I'm stubborn- I want what I want how I want. If not.....

Well, there's a lot of houses out there and it's a crappy market.  And as I proved today, television doesn't have to be part of my day. Tread lightly, Dude, as the sign at the Blueberry Farm warned.....

 Danger, Frank Valentini, you're on thin ice.  And that's a whole shed full of explosive insecticides!!

The Age Old Question is Answered: Hey, Look, It's Blair!

Jeez Louise, it's about time.  Todd opens the door and what's there- a pair of really long legs in a really tight dress. Red, by the way, and looks almost like spandex.  Heels.  Tasteful jewelry sans wedding ring, BTW. And what happens?  Well, let's say Todd can't think as all the blood has rushed to places other than his head....I mean his brain.

Hello, Blair.  It's been a long, dull summer.  Good thing she's here to spice it up.  I don't think I could sit through boring crap much longer. GH has some of the most dismal and drab leading ladies I've ever seen.  Now, like kids who find a cute puppy, as an audience we're asking "Can we keep her? Please!! We'll be good. Really good! We swear!"  Don't fuck it up.  The GH fans hate you already.  Just keep her and bring in a few others and we're all in love again.  For now.  But I'm still not sure you're not putting the knife in my back.

Now I think TPTB have every intention of keeping her as I've now seen at least four promos in which she is prominent. The first one was a shock. The second one was a bit of a stunner.  After that, it was all "normal". Of course these two are highlighted. They're the "romance" section.  They lead the pack.  They're the stars of the show and..............Wait a minute. How can they be stars of the show if she's not on it?  Oh, well, just go with it. Either this is massive bait and switch, as is not unheard of with these guys, or something else is happening.

Now, it started on Tuesday when Carly showed her true colors.  She's a true, blue Todd and Blair fangurl.  I liked her so much that I won't even comment on her too tight red dress.  I just won't....to be nice. She was very kind to the man freaking out over the other woman showing her face.  She was even charmed over his teenage meltdown over having to see her with her abhorrent "boyfriend" with the affected name. She was touched that he's so in love and is willing to help, for a price. 

Now, maybe I'm slow, which is possible, but that didn't look like a "slow build" there.  It looked like a man who is beside himself with love for his wife and a woman who thought it was sweet and used it to her advantage to help the person she loves. How does that translate into a smoldering romance? I don't see it.  But, hey, I admit I'm biased.  But nothing says "They'll be together soon enough" than a character confessing undying love and devotion to another chick.

I have to admit I didn't mind the Todd and Carly scenes but she could have been anyone.  She's just a prop here for the GH audience to get to know Todd, his family, and his feelings. She is, well, irrelevant. But this time, she didn't annoy me. So, I don't want her saved from the massive earthquake which will hopefully wipe out all of PC and GH characters, I can sit thruogh her for a while.


This was all about Todd and the Mannings GH fans haven't really met yet.  It was a moment to re-introduce Blair as the only woman for Todd. It gave a little history lesson and showed the depth of his devotion.  The real intro was for Jack, who's been noticeably absent in Todd's daily discussion of Llanview life. It was nice to see him back in the dialogue as he's needed. Jack's the one who has a real story with Todd as they progress. Hopefully, that's been recognized. We need some good Todd/Jack snark and I'd imagine a casting call will be placed soon.

But, this could all turn on a dime. We could be all happy and then BAM! Have the rug pulled out from underneath us.  I have to admit I have a hideous sense of foreboding as Howarth is killing me with his desperation and adoration.  It's literally like watching someone who's been stranded on a desert island go nuts as they see a mirage of a ship coming to rescue them. Then they realize it was all a mirage.  No matter what the future holds, you know it's coming.  Before it does, the big boom, I mean, let's hope that poor Todd at least gets the big bang from Blair. God knows he could use it.

So, let's wait and see what nasty little trick may come our way. I have the same relationship with TPTB that Blair has with Todd. I hate their fucking guts but damnit if they don't pull me back in every time.And this time, when Blair runs, I might, as well. Like her, I don't know how much more I can take. Eighteen years of angst is a bit much.  Yet, for now, I'm hanging on.  For now.

Rehabbing the Soap Bad Guy: Redemption and How to Get It

I've always loved the bad guys.  Never a moment when I didn't.  I don't mean the full blown evil guys but the grey hats. The one with the bad attitudes or the checkered pasts or the rather unusual sense of morality. For a brief moment in my twenties, I thought I loved them in real life.  I was, thankfully, mistaken.  But in my "reel" life, it's the bad guy all the way for me.  That is to say, the bad guy who's on a road to some semblance of redemption. So, with that, I decided to start thinking about what redemption is and how it works in daytime drama.  And, as I did, I realized that redemption is something quite different in daytime than in any other form of melodrama.

The bad guy has to be redeeemed in daytime more than in other forms as they have to conitnue to exits long after their "sell by" date. They need to be eternal and if you, say, poison the whole town, you may not be able to stick around without some work. Who would do that???  Not my boyfriend Dr. David Hayward!!! So, there are a variety of ways that redemption happens on soaps and I thought I'd take this long, dull, hot summer day to recount some of them.


Redemption by Love

This is an oldy but a goody- sometimes.  It's a quick fix where the bad guy finds the woman of his dreams and that makes him want to be a better man. This happened with a very young Tad Martin several times.  He was redeemed by the love of a strong family- sob, Tad and Joe and Ruth and Jake- and the love of several women. The first one was Hillary, I believe, but he was not really redeemed as he was still caddish as she left him.  It was Dixie whose love healed Tad completely.  I have to admit he became a little dull after that, and self-righteous.  But he was still Tad and who wouldn't love that face!

You see, Tad was never really a "bad" bad guy. He was a cad.  But he was so damn cute and charming, he could get away with it.  Sure, he slept with his girlfriend, Liza's mother, but he felt bad about it.  Sure, he married Lottie for bad reasons, but he felt bad about it.  Sure, he smoked pot...well, I'm not sure he how he felt about that, but I doubt it was bad.  At any rate, he didn't have far to go to be redeeemed. He was well on his way there when he was adopted by the Martins and Ruth's everlasting love, as well as Gram Kate's, were too powerful to not make him good.

I'll have to stop now because if I continue, I may not be able to contain myself. That damn Martin love and family make me feel all squishy inside. That kind of love could have made anyone jump to the nice side.  Even Billy Clyde Tuggle- BEST VILLAIN EVER- was tempted to jump the fence for the love of Dixie who was a Martin by injection....I mean marriage.
 

Redemption by Saving Another

There's always the old  standby of redemption by saving another. Often it's a child or someone they've harmed.  Those are often cheesey, unless the actors are great, but they are ones lazy writers can pull out of their bag of tricks.  I find these redemptive techniques only interesting as they don't motivate the character to change, so much, as it makes the rest of the town see that they aren't soulless bastards.  I prefer that as when the shift in personality sets in, there really isn't anything original about the character anymore.

This technique was used with my boyfriend, David Hayward, on several occassions.  David was the perfect anti-hero as he was a brilliant doctor, so no matter how bad he got, he coud still save someone and make it not right. but, let's say, "not as bad".  He saved people all the time but notably Kendall, the shrieking harpy, and Angie.  He didn't save Angie's life, but her sight and some could argue that's as important.

Kendall was, of course, ungrateful to some extent as she was Kendall, spawn of the most self-absorbed character of all time- Erica Kane- and her rapist, whose name I can't recall as, well, I don't care.  Now, I have conflicted feelings about Kendall. I love the actress who I believe to be a nice Jewish girl after my own heart, but found the character insufferable.  Kendall was annoying when she was played by Sarah MIchelle Gellar, another nice Jewish Actress.  Why is Kendall always played by the Jew broads? I never thought about that, but maybe I should.  But, then I'd have to think more about Kendall and that would be annoying.

Alicia Minshew's Kendall was more endearing but she, too, was a harpy and sucked the soul out of all she touched, like her mother.  I did like her with Zach but she was sucking the soul out of Patrick Thornheart, who couldn't have been more irritating, and what we were left with was so much hotter.  I have to admit that Thorsten Kaye got so much more attractive with age, he makes me weak in the knees, like Kendall. Maybe that's because I'm a nice Jewish girl, too....I'm seeing a connection.

But I digress.  For a change.  Kendall had her life saved by the alsohot Dr. David and was she grateful for more than a minute?  No. Was Erica? Hell, no. But, she's Erica and she was once sleeping with David and she was probably bitter than he preferred others, as he should. He was far too hot for her.

Angie, on the other hand, was her stellar self as David saved the day.  It's one of my favorite moments as AMC ended.  She came to understand him and he appreciated her. I loved that redemptive "moment", as I'll call it. He was not going to be a "good guy" like Tad, but she saw that he was less horrible and, I think, deep down, she even liked him.  Come on, Angie, what's not to like???


Redemption by Justification

Then, of course, there's redemption by justiification.  It makes sense that they do bad things as they have bad lives.  They've been beaten or unloved or, my favorite, have a brain tumor.  OMG, give me a fucking break!! That one's the worst.  I know I've been very AMC-oriented in this piece, but if the shoe fits, I gotta wear it.  Jonathon, the evil brother of Ryan, was just damn evil.  But Jeff Branson was popular.  So, what do they do?  The brain issue, of course.  Hell, having to be Ryan's brother should have been enough justification for whacking people, but he needed a brain problem, as well.

I don't remember if it was a tumor or what, but, really, does it matter? They operated, I believe, and then he just became "slow" or something. It was one of the worst redemptions I've ever seen. He became the Stuart of the younger set and any charm he had was gone.  The Village Idiot But Really the Smartest Person in the Room role needs a really great actor to not be annoying or funny. Canary could pull itoff wonderfully but Branson was just annoying.  Leonardo DiCaprio played the slow brother in What's Eating Gilbert Grape?  and did so masterfully. But Branson just acted like an idiot. Nothing challeneged or special, just an idiot. He should have stayed evil.  Much more appealing.

Now, there are those characters for whom redemption is not possible or they always try but fall short. The Todd Mannings of the world and the Adam Newmans.   But there's a serious distinction here. Todd's been through all of these tactics and still is in the guilt-ridden hell of his own making and stupidity.  Adam has yet to show me any justifictation for his bad deeds although I think he saved Noah and loved Sharon and now Chelsea.  I still see no reason to think he's having any redemptive moment when all Todd does is have redemptive moments and they all go astray- by his own making or misfortune. But they all go astray....so far.

Hell, this time, I hope he at least gets laid.  Adam gets laid all the time.  Poor Todd. He's really screwed. And not in the good way. Maybe he'll get redemption through sex with Blair without a lie hanging over his head. That might work.  But I doubt it.  He'd screw it up....and not in a good way.

ABC Continues to Circle the Drain: Policy is "Give the People What They Don't Want"!!

I am giddy. I can't contain it.  I'm so happy that I feel like I have Spring Fever and it isn't even Spring....yeah, I like a good show tune. I can admit it!! I know I said I wouldn't be calling ABC names for a week, but, come on, who expected me to stick to that?  I'll try to be good.


Suck it, ABC!!! You are getting yours, huh?Your newest dog isn't even as good as the dog it replaced.  No offense, I love dogs. These shows are so bad, that it's offensive to call them dogs. They're rats.  How's that? GAA is a massive failure so far.  And it keeps getting worse!!!

HA!!!Take that, ABC!!! Your fuck up is the gift that keeps on giving.  GAA premiered at a 1.7.  That's bad.  BY Wednesday, it was down to a 1.5. Thursday, the same. That's a 12% drop in two days.  Nice work.  Good job.  Your lame, cheapass replacement for the lame, cheapass replacement is a giant stinkfest of crap!!  Couldn't happen to a nicer group of guys.  You're not even at bad AMC numbers at this point.  And, wait for it, they're down 53% from OLTL!!

Let's say it again because it can't be said enough.  You're down 53% from OLTL!!!!! I can't stop saying it. I love it so much. I might have it tattooed on my hand so I can look at it as I type.  But I can't.  My religion frowns on that.  Tattooing, that is, not a good dose of schadenfreude.  We love to rub bad news in the face of people who have wronged us!!!

I can't imagine why this cheesefest isn't doing well. At least The Revolution had Tim Gunn. I love Tim Gunn.  I admit it.  I said it. I love Tim Gunn and hold him blameless in this mess. That Lara Spencer is so irritating, I'll use one of Todd's lines from this week- "I need a shot of insulin" just looking at her.  Yuck.  And that guy, whoever he is, is a smarmy son-of-a-bitch.  I can't say I've watched more than one minute, maybe two, as I tune into OLTL, I mean GH, but what I've seen is enough.  Liza Minelli in a chair?  Yeah, no thanks.

Look, I love classical Hollywood. I loved Liza Minnelli in Arrested Development. I like her music although I don't listen to it.  But why would they think I want to see that?  Why am I interested in Blair Underwood who was uninteresting on LA Law?  And that was in the 1980's, wasn't it? Who's on the list for this week?  Luke Perry?  Grant Show?  Please, ABC, get into the new millennium.

Do some real fucking research, will you PLEASE??? We don't want bullshit. We won't watch.  We don't need more drab hosts with C-list guests. Hell, I don't care if they're A List.  We don't want to watch this dreck!! We won't and your ad dollars will drop faster than Lara Spencer's Butt Lift!! We want what we had and make it better.

What is it about "We won't watch" don't you get?  The daytime audience is not a bunch of donut eating, home bound, morons.  We're professionals with a choice in entertainment.  WE CHOSE TO WATCH THESE SHOWS!! WE MADE AN EFFORT TO WATCH THEM!! WE DON'T WATCH ANY PIECE OF CRAP YOU PUT BEFORE US BECAUSE WE HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO!!

God, are you slow, stupid, or stubborn?  I think all three.  Listen to me. Please.  We're professionals and people who work in the home.  We're lawyers who sneak off to watch Youtube edits at the office.  We're teachers who have TVs in the lounge.  We're doctors who have televisions stashed in the back room.  We'll DVR. We'll watch Soapnet.  There may not be as many of us as there was, but we're here.  And, guess what, we WON'T be there!!!

I never get to my office and say "Gee, I wonder what Lara will say today?"  Know why? I DON'T CARE!!! I will say "Gee, I hope Blair fucks Todd's legs off this afternoon. I'd like that".  Know why?  Because I DO CARE!!!  Pretty simple.  Care about one thing, not the other.  Appointment television on one part, mindless drivel that must be avoided at all costs on the other.  Pretty easy distinction, isn't it?  I think maybe you guys can even get it.

Here's more insight from my father, the siding salesman in Chicago.  If you don't have a quality product, you better have a stupid and desperate consumer with no ability for recourse.  Know what that means? You try and peddle shit, you better find people who have no other choice and can be taken easily without any idea that they can sue your ass.  You know what my father found?  Even the biggest idiot on the planet knows someone who passed the bar.  And can call the Better Business Bureau  Or the State's Attorney or the local news station.  Don't try it, "Fellas".  See, I didn't call them a name.  Those consumers always come back and bite you in the ass.

Being a cheapass only makes you pay more later.  And you're paying now, I'll bet. Do yourself a favor.  Give Valentini the old time slot and give us our goddamn show back.  We'll forgive you.  Katie will tank.  Bet on it.  And, so far, I have yet to be wrong............

Why Harpies Can't Be Leads: The Case of Tea Delgado

Okay, let's be clear. The following rant has nothing to do with Florencia Lozano. I like her a lot. I think she's a good actress who does her job well. I think she seems extremely likable as a human being. In other words, I really like FL.

But, as this latest stint on GH shows, her character does not have mass appeal.  Tea Delgado has been shown to be a wailing harpy with few likable, redeemable qualities.  It's time someone in control realizes it.  Tea cannot carry a show, even a little. Nimnuts has to let it go.  Tea cannot be a lead and needs to fade into the background as soon as possible...if that hasn't happened already.

I'm starting to think this sentiment is making it's way to the head office.  Supposedly there was a scene with John and Tea that was cut last week.  It was even mentioned by Easton in an interview they say. If that's true, then it was done on purpose and makes me wonder.  Has Tea been cut from the "future" of GH? Is she, finally, out of our hair?

Now I admit to being an out of the closet Todd and Blair fangurl. I've never denied that.  But I am also not one who blindly hates Tea for that reason. I don't hate Tea but I hate what she has become.  She's a steaming ball of anger and resentment and she's shrieking in every scene. Even when she's not yelling, she's gritting her teeth or being smug. That may work for the character but I don't want to see it.  If she is to be a permanent member of Team Hater against Todd, then she needs to be seen less, not more.

In other words, less is more here.  She needs to be more of a Marty or Nora.  They were women who were victimized by Todd and will always hate him but don't have major stories with him.  They show up once in a while, sneer, and the move on to their own story.

I think FL gets that Tea is a hothead in a stereotypical Latina way.  She does it well. However, she plays Tea as an enabler with certain interesting ideas about sex. She seems to be more than a little sado-masochistic and her relationship with Victor worked well in that regard. But as interesting as characters are with these proclivities, they cannot carry a show.  Like David, they need to pepper the show once in a while to give it some quirkiness.  They cannot be the heart and soul of a program.  They're too twisted.

Victor was as demented as she was and that's why he wouldn't work long term after Todd returned.  The reason he maintained as long as he did, IMO, is because he had the "Todd" label to him.  People thought he was in a twisted moment with Tea but would eventually go back to the Todd we knew.  That was true to some extent.  Todd came back as we knew him.  But this guy wasn't Todd.  I have no doubt that if it had lasted, SNV would have been the foil to Todd, a supporting player at best, and Todd would again step into the lead role.

You see, as twisted as Todd is, and Blair to some extent, underneath the unusual moral code, they are both very traditional characters.  They are devoted to one another, their family, and can do so in a surprisingly normal fashion.  There's yelling and fighting but there's so much tendernesss. Tea can be tender but her tendency to be over the top is out of control.  The image of Howarth covering his ears twice when she was on GH is emblematic of that.  She's too much.

Leads need to be lower key and quieter.  The audience can't take the screeching all the time. A little kick is good but they can't see it constantly. In some ways, we want hints that our couples are freaky in the bedroom but we don't necessarily want to see it.  We know that Nora and Bo are rockin' it.  We know that Clint makes Viki's earth move.  We know Todd's majorly into voyeurism and God knows what else, and that Blair is all good with that.  But I'm fine with only Araby, the horse, seeing it that night in the stables. I don't really want to.

We saw too much with Tea and SNV, IMO, and some may think it's hot, but I think it's kink.  And a bit sick. Deep down, soap fans want romance, not kinky S&M hijinx.  Tea's passionate and I can appreciate that.  But she's not just passionate.  She's a freak.  And, although I find that amusing, I'm not going to sympathize with that.  Freaks are fun for a minute. Not a lifetime.

So maybe Tea wore out her welcome when the GH fans held their ears and the majorty of OLTL fans didn't join in.  Maybe Frank learned the Gary Tomlin lesson.  TNT aren't it.  Even a little.  The first "T" works.  The second, well, is second for good reason.  She's supporting at best.  And, even then, less is more.

I hear she may abscond with Sam's baby.  That's a good idea.  She can do it all off screen. We all need a long break from the wailing. And, once she hears she's losing that baby, the yells will be deafening.  I hope Howarth is fitted for earplugs. It looks like he can't take it.

"ABC Legitimizes Valentini's Folly" or "Pink Slips STAT: Suck It, Mob Guys and Your Trolly Chick! There's a New Gang in Town"

I liked both names so much, I couldn't decide which to keep, so there you have it.  It's like a haircut from the 80s or 90s. Professional in the front, snarky and evil in the back.  Yeah,  I was in love with a guy with a mullet back in the day, I admit it!! Who wasn't???

Now, let's talk promos.  Holy Crap!  Can ABC and Valentini's agenda be any more clear?  What happened to GH because I see it's name but I see none of it on those promos. I see their leads being placed in ancillary roles. I'm not using "supporting" as they don't even seem to be important enough for that. I see Sam being John's new "lady" (said in as sleazy and skeevy a way possible.  Be sure to linger on the "l" and talk like a Lounge Lizard. To me, it's Jonathon Brandmeier.To you all, think Will Farrell).

But besides her, the rest are close to irrelevant. Foils to the new leads- Jason and Sonny- or props- Carly.  Get ready, GH Fans, your show is in it's final stages.  Welcome to the "Roger Howarth/Michael Easton Hour with Kristin Alderson, Kelly Monaco, and Kassie DePaiva", brought to you exclusively on ABC Daytime.  Wow, who would have guessed that?  Oh, yeah, me.

Let's take them one at a time.  Here's the John one:

Okay, here's the ladies man with a badge. But he's got one special lady, right? Not that feisty redhead who had his kid and is holding down the fort at home. Nah, not her.  She's back somewhere with that kid and he's too hot to be tied down.  I initially feared this would be the way Todd would go.  Thankfully, that hasn't happened. Todd doing that is unseemly and, well, icky. But that's John's character.  You couldn't see it more clearly.  John McBain, Sex Machine!

Let him introduce you to his BIG friend...his gun.  If you're a bad guy, he'll shoot you and haul you off to the hoosegow.  If you're a hot little lady, he'll let you hold it and caress it.  Cue Sam!!!  That's right.  She's the one with his tongue down her throat. And she's loving it!!  Forget that pesky husband of hers. He's nothing to compare to the shiny power of John's rod. Now, I'm talking about his gun!!!

She's getting some good lovin', isn't she?  Maybe we should call it "McBanging".  I think I may have stolen that. If I did, thank you.  And there's two basic bad guys who are getting the McBain treatment.  I have a feeling Benard and Burton should be calling their agents.  It doesn't look like they have much of a role on OLTL, I mean, GH...I think.

That promo is so explicit,  it's insane.  ABC is saying  "John McBain is the resident hotty on GH and he's the guy all the girls want.  Those Mob guys are over and old and fat and mean.  This is a new day and John McBain is the new rage!!"

It's very, well,  Shaft-like, in the cheesiest of all cheesy ways. I expect to see half naked women asking to be frisked, but he's there giving Sam his all.  And he's got the bullets to prove it.

Now, as blatant that one is, look at Todd's promo. This one blew me off the couch:

Thank you, Howarth, or whoever did this.  You're the dude!! I'm referring to the characterization, not the promo. It's awful.  

Praise God, no Sex Machine here. And I'm basically an Atheist who just likes the ritual cooking of High Holidays! And Jewish men.  But, again, I digress. Thank you, ABC. For that, I'll take a week off  of calling you names.  But only a week!! I don't want you to get spoiled.

So we have new guy Todd Manning with his shirt off. He's funny. That chubby, older lady is laughing at him.  He's trying to outwit the big, bad, old Mob guy because he's crazy.  And, he doesn't like to be nice to people.  So, he's anti-social.  And he's crazy.   He bangs his head against walls. From that part, I could see him as a kind of more entertaining Monk, with a better body.  I mean "Monk" the character played by Tony Shalhoub, not the calling.  Ironically,. Tony Shalhoub is Jonathon Brandmeier's cousin.  Coincidence? Probably. And I listen to too much Johnny B in the mornings on WGN radio in Chicago, available wordwide via app or podcast.  But I digress.

Let's get back to ABC's version of quirky Todd. He's rich. He's crazy. He's funny. He's got zero body fat.  What else does he have? Oh, I know.  A scar.  Yes, he has that scar.  And, what else did he "bring with him"?  Hm. What else?  Let's see. She's tall and blonde and talks with an accent....is it that chubby lady from the beginning? No, not her.  She's not there. Who is that?

Why, of course.  Todd brought with him his broken heart that is filled with love for his former-future-present-whatever wife, Blair.  There she is.  It's Blair.  Todd brought Blair.  How nice of him.  We missed her, as we can see Todd has, as well.

Are you kidding me? That's when I fell off the couch and sat with my mouth hanging open for a good five minutes.  Really? They're putting Blair in the fucking promo?  She's supposedly not even on the show but she's in the promo?  I guess I no longer need to ask "Where's Blair". That's obvious. She's in Todd's heart, on his mind, and well, has been the ghost that walks with him for about two decades now.  Holy crap, ABC, talk about confirming the thoughts of the audience. Why didn't you do this ten years ago and then maybe you'd still have a daytime line up and some ratings?


I can't believe that ABC just confirmed everything I always thought just as they end this fucking genre. Blair defines Todd. KDP actually said that somewhere recently and ABC agrees.  When they are presenting Todd to the mass audience, how do they define him?  By his love for Blair.  I still can't believe it.  ABC got something right.

Still want to claim Blair's not going to be a major force as they continue?  Didn't think so. But, again, never give these guys that much credit.  That's how they get ya!! I'm the idiot who's back to watching every day again. And I hate this show.  Besides Todd, and Starr, and sometimes John and Sam.  And Tracy. But the rest SUCKS!!!

There's a promo for Starr but it's not that interesting.  I don't care but it's about Starr the singer, Starr the girl with daddy issues, blah blah blah.  Again, they're highlighting Howarth as he seems to be ABC's Big Thing.  What a shock....only not.  So, it's "Hey, it's Starr! She's great. And she's Todd's daughter".   'Nuff said.

So, where are the promos for the other guys and that blonde, older, kind of fat lady?  HM,  I didn't see them.  Maybe I missed them. Or maybe I fell asleep while watching them as they are all so dull, drab, and unlikable. I think all three need some serious energy.

I hear they have pills for that in Hollywood. They gave them to Judy Garland so she'd be up.  And lose weight.  Maybe that Carly would like that.  She's drinking a little too much wine, it seems. But it should be perfect for her new job with her friend, Mario Batalli, on The Chew.  This show won't need two Blairs. They're getting a brand, spanking new one. At least, that's what that promo tells me.  

But, hey, I could be wrong. I'll admit it if I am.  It's just weird because so far, I haven't been yet.  And, to be honest, I kind of thought I was full of shit. Guess not.

Oh well. Looks like the little professor from the fly-over state knows her stuff.  They're building it.  We're coming.  Now, WHERE'S VIKI??? Todd's obsessing over her almost as much as he is Blair.  That must mean we'll see her soon.  And, as I said all along, if we see Viki,  it's on!!

Llanfair, here we come!! It'll be nice to go home.  What a long, strange trip it's been.  And Todd looks like he's about to have a breakdown. He must want to go home, too. Or he's listening to the Dead and dropping some acid. I can't tell which it is. But, as long as I get to see Viki, I don't care.