#10: Fire 90% of the cast
I know this won't be popular, but this is my blog so I can as damn offensive as I want. I think most of this cast sucks. They need to go. They're mediocre and unappealing. They've got no guts or warmth or, well, talent. If Geary remembers how to act, maybe he can stay. But, other than him, they're all terrible. Finola Hughes is great. She can stay. The rest, they're terrible. Off with their heads!!
#9: Change the name of the show to "OLTL II, The Revenge"
I was a child of the eighties and I remember every sequel was called "The Revenge". I always enjoyed "This Time, It's Personal" as the tag line. I think the show needs a whole new start and needs to sloff off the loserdom that has attached itself to it. If you're ditching the cast, just ditch the name, too. It's got the Stink of the Loser attached to it. So, my suggestion is "OLTL II: The Revenge- This Time, It's Personal". It's very marketable and realistic. Really OLTL should have been saved instead of this dog, so it would be revenge. And personal. Maybe Viki and Dorian can kick Tracey's ass....nah, I love Tracey. She can stay. They can kick that Jason's ass. He's a tool. And a dolt. And fat!! And has no talent. Oh, and he's fat! You know when they make guys wear black, it's to hide the massive guts. Tubby Tomas wore black on OLTL a lot. Guess why.............
#8: Change the location to Llanview
Port Charles is a dumb name and it, like the name of the show, has the Stink of the Loser on it. It has to go! They need a change of scene. I suggest Llanview. It's bright and sunny and has some very nice homes in it. Rebuild the sets and bring back Llanfair and Todd's penthouse. Port Charles is too dark and ugly, like the cast, and if it could be fat, it'd be fat, too!
#7: Get Lorraine Broderick back from DOOL
She's fabulous. 'Nuff said. Steal her from Gary Tomlin.
#6: Get David Canary and Vincent Irrizary to resurrect their AMC characters
Nothing could be better than having strong male leads that can act. If GH wants to be boy's club, at least use characters that are interesting played by actors who have some talent. You have Howarth. That's a start. Now a little David Hayward, that can't hurt. You can keep Anna. He was married to her. He's a doctor and there's a hospital in town! Why not??? And Adam, well, he's just the King! He can go anywhere. Oh, and Brooke better come with him. She can open Tempo to compete with that stupid magazine that the crazy broad runs but I heard Todd buys and gives to Blair. Brooke could take the Mannings on. She's got the balls for it. I'd even be torn over who to root for. I love watching the Mannings lose. Blair plays great frustration and Todd's always angry, so why not?
#5: Don't hire Susan Lucci
I never liked her. She can't act and she's short. Oh, and did I say that I don't like her? Never did, never will. I'm sure she's a lovely woman with a kind soul. But I don't like her. She's not invited.
#4: Hire most of the cast of OLTL
This is a no-brainer but I'll outline people who should be there: Viki, Natalie, Nora, Bo, Blair, Dorian, David, Jack- but a new actor, Sam, Renee, NIGEL, and my boyfriend, Clint, played by GILF extraordinaire, JVD!! Also, BRING BACK RJ!!!! He's talented and fun and I love how he belittles Todd. It's amusing to me. We need some color in these lilly white towns and RJ is colorful in more ways than one. He's the best!! I hope he still has the dreads.
#3: Let Todd beat the crap out of Tubby Tomas for an entire episode- and let him use props
I covered this before but I love the thought so much, it bears repeating. Here's my suggestion for how it should look again. Oh, and did I say that I love this? James Caan was one hot Jewish man who makes this Jewish broad weak in the knees. Well, back then, anyway. Time is not his friend:
#2: Fire the last 10% of the cast
Sorry, I love Luke and Tracey and Anna, but they have to go. We'll have Todd (the town pariah who's misunderstood but really an ass -Luke), Viki ( the rich matriarch -Tracy), Dorian (the spicy matriarch who can be evil -Tracy), and Bo (damn good cop- Anna). All those roles once filled by the remaining GH folk are taken. We're stuck with McBain and Natalie can be the female cop. Sorry, Kids, they gotta go. They have the Stink of the Loser on them and they'll infect the rest of the cast.We thank them for their years of service and wish them well in future endeavors. But, Get the Hell Out!!
and finally, the best way to save GH-
#1: Consult me and my little online friends with any ideas for upcoming casting or storyline ideas
That should be a given. I will be in constant touch with my people to evaluate any idea. It's become apparent that we know more than you, so no decision, no matter how small, should be made without our express approval. And if you don't do as we suggest, there will be pink slips!! Off with your heads!! But we thank you for your years of service and wish you luck in future endeavors.
Now, I can't guarantee this will all work. But I can say this. It can't be worse. I promise, Boys, I'll stop railing on you if you just do this. It's Spring now. A time of rebirth and renewal. You've been given a reprieve. Don't fuck it up. It's your last chance!
And remember, this dog has the Stink of the Loser on it. You better separate yourself soon or you'll have it, too. You once were the golden boys, now, well, you're "Nimnuts". Better reverse course as the Titanic is heading right for that iceberg. And there's no room in the lifeboats for you...............it's swim or die.
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