Okay, now I didn't see Viki or Bo or Clint. But I do see Blair going through Todd's head every two seconds or so. And I'm sure he was seeing her, too, as he's about to deliver another baby. At any rate, she was there. I did miss them all but the "GH Comedy Troupe" were all in full force and making the Gruesome Twosome look even more drab and pathetic. Bravo to you for that! To Luke, Tracy, Heather, Dead Anthony (see, I learned his name), Bravo! You amused the crap out of me, needless to say Todd amuses me on a bad day. But Bravo to you, Dude, you were in classic form and I expect no less. Laughs all around and it was a pleasure.
Now, let’s get to the details. So, Luke and Tracy are hauled in for murder charges, which, of course, they didn’t commit. Then they banter back and forth and look more guilty and all around make the police get frustrated and confused and it’s all a good time. I can’t even remember what they were saying but it doesn’t matter. Geary and Elliot were so good, they could have been speaking Swahili and I’d be amused. Thank God someone reminded Geary that he can actually act. I think he’d forgotten. I used to enjoy him back in the day and this was a treat. Maybe he’s emerging from his deep depression. It looks like some of the cast are, anyway.
I waxed poetic about Jane Elliot before, so no need to go on and on and on about how spectacular she is. But, she is! She’s a joy to watch. Her Tracy is always so, well, Tracy, and I loved the shout out on Wednesday to my favorite Tracy moment- the Edward heart attack moment. It’s nice when someone else remembers that this show used to be good. And Tracy was a huge part of that.
Okay, onto the high point, of course. Todd was the arrogant, obnoxious, self-absorbed, annoying, incompetent twit he always is. And I loved it. He was in prime “Todd” form as he was stuck with that shrew as she went into labor and berated him for killing her husband and getting them stranded. My favorite part- which is hard to say as there were so many great lines- “Can you get a seatbelt over that belly?” That runs neck and neck with him thumping her stomach and telling “Lil Vic” to wait to come into the world as it’s cruel. Rare gems, Dude, rare gems! And I was falling off the couch with laughter. Hell, I'm laughing now thinking about it.
Tea’s face, filled with horror, was hysterical. But, really, Lozano, I know Tea's over the top, but the decibels. You’ll blow out Todd’s only good ear with that level. In Yiddish, we call it “shrying”. Please, I know she’s in labor but the raving is not only shrill but making Tea unlikable. You need to keep the newcomers interested and Tea’s excessive harpy antics are not helping. But, I must admit, I do really like Lozano as I think she’s playing Tea as I take her. An over the top, hothead in labor. And she’s very good at it. But, it is unpleasant. Tone it down so you don't make others hate you. I'm with ya, Hon, but please, mellow the groove.
Heather, as played by the great Robin Mattson, is wonderful. I never really bought her as Janet on AMC as Kate Collins really owned that role. But I never disliked her in it either. That's saying a lot, in all seriousness. She just wasn’t Janet from Another Planet to me. Her Janet was more normal so it was okay. But as the psychotically misguided Heather, she’s a kick in the pants! I have vague memories of Macgyver, I mean Jeff Webber, being married to her and in love with Anne Logan, the sickeningly sweet nurse in her very tight white uniform and that stupid nurse’s hat. Yet those memories are more vague as I was a pre-teen who loved Rick Webber. So, Jeff was off my radar. Shame on you, Previous Regime, for what you did to Rick Webber. Shame!
At any rate, her conversation with dead Anthony in the car was side-splitting. She’s so demented but not scary. She’s just crazy and funny and misguided. She has the best of intentions. She’s just, well, bats. I enjoy Dead Anthony much more than Alive Anthony- who I saw for two seconds- or Head Anthony. Yet I still enjoyed Head Anthony more than Head Irene as Irene was a drip. Hope she stays dead and out of Todd’s head. Maybe Anthony can take her place. That might be fun!
I didn’t even mind McBain and Sam, the playmate in distress. I find her uninteresting and drab, much like McBain, but I don’t mind her. She doesn’t make him fun, like Todd did, but she doesn’t make him intolerable, as does Jason the Fat and Sonny the Dull. Sam is fine. I don’t hate her and I don’t like her. I just, well, don’t care. I don’t care about her, her baby, her life, or anything about her. There were naked pictures of her posted on DD and I did see them. I think she has a spectacular body. So, that’s all I have to say about her that’s positive. She’s not offensive and she looks good naked. Hey, that’s good enough for most men, so it’s good enough for me. I just am not interested in seeing her naked again, so the not offensive part is fine.
Now, to the bad news. But, if you look at it, it’s not bad news. It’s good news to some extent. The Gruesome Twosome were so horrible in comparison, I think I heard “Taps” playing in the background and I distinctly heard the Executioner sharpening his ax. It’s over for these two, Kids. Put a fork in them. They’re done. Get ready to have a party or a wake, because they’re out.
No one goes after McBain and gets away with it on OLTL...I mean GH. It’s time to move on, Dull and Duller. Or is it Dull and Fatter? No matter. They were so depressing and boring in contrast, it’s obvious where this is headed. They had so little airtime and it was all bad, it seems that maybe even they know it. Their time is up. This ain’t your mother’s GH…or maybe it is. It’s not GH. It’s full blown OLTL- laughter, hijinx, silliness, snark, great Vets doing what they do best, and Todd. That’s OLTL.
Welcome Back, OLTL. I've missed you dearly.
Now, to the real question- Where’s Blair?
Where’s Viki? Where’s Bo and Nora and my boyfriend, Clint? The murmurs are getting louder that come September, this may be a whole lotta Llanview. After today, I think it can work. I’ve been spouting off about it for months, but I think they may pull this off. Change the name, fire everyone who isn’t Luke, Tracy, or Heather, and head on back to town.
I hear Llanfair may be being built. I’ll wait and see but, once again, "If you build it, they will come". Remember that. And after today, you’re getting my confidence back. But, I’ll still call Carlivati Nimnuts because it’s funny to me. I’ll just lay off the Asswipes and Fucktards. Douchebag is always on the table. Yet if I don’t see Blair soon, I’m gonna get impatient. And why couldn't David Vickers stroll up to Heather's car? Or, better yet, Todd's? I miss his silly self.
There’s an old SNL skit where Frank Sinatra, played by Joe Piscopo, says “Boo Hoo, You had me then you lost me”. Credit to my radio friend, Jonathon Brandmeier, for that, BTW. But that’s how I feel. You have me now. Don’t lose me.
Oh, and if you didn’t plan on it, FIRE LAURA WRIGHT!! That’s bad form, Toots. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you. We bite back. And we have fangs. And, really, Carly’s a troll. Don’t even think of supergluing her to Todd’s ass. She’ll sink him. Time’s up, Hon. Send her on her way with the rest of the dead weight.
"The Sun"’s a-rising over Llanview! It’s a brand new day. Now, don’t fuck it up.
Hey, what middle aged broad doesn't love Sting? Preach it, Brother!
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