The Coming of the Soap Opera Apocalypse: Lawlessness

They say that the first signs of  the apocalypse are

• wars on a global scale
• famine
• pestilence (sickness and disease)
• lawlessness (crime)
• people having no love for one another
• earthquakes

Now, I'm not a Christian but I feel this is relevant to the discussion of the soap opera.  I saw the ratings from last week and I truly believe the end is near.  And every one of these things is happening in some form or another on screen.  Let's take them one by one, each with its own post.  I'll start with "lawlessness" as I fear my friend, Bo Brady, may not be long for this world.  So, let's start with that.

Lawlessness (crime)

I wanted to start here as I think this is a serious issue that has caused the demise of the soap opera.  Don't any of these douchebags pay for anything anymore?  I mean, what's the point of having the patented "good guy" when he can't take down the "bad guy" to some extent?  What good are Bo Brady or Bo Buchanan when Sonny the Dim and Jason the Dull are allowed to run rampant for about a decade?

Now, let's be clear. I loves me some bad guys.  They are, by nature, the most interesting. In fact, my favorite three male characters are all considered "bad guys".  But they aren't all black hats.  They don the grey fedora once in a blue moon. I've been down this road so many times, I don't feel the need to go there again. I'll simply reference anyone who's confused to "The Problem with GH: It's the Men, Stupid".  Yet all three of them, Todd, Adam, and David, have paid. They've lost quite a bit, been maligned, scorned, and imprisoned.  Hell, Todd even had his life stolen by his slow brother and was imprisoned at the same time. I'd say that's punishment.  He now has to deal with Tea.  That's punishment enough.

But many of these guys NEVER pay.  Take Victor Newman.  Please.  Okay, that's an old, bad Henny Youngman joke but what can I say? I'm borscht belt Jew deep down.  At any rate, Victor Fucking Newman never pays. He always keeps his money. He always gets his family back.  He just, well, gets away with everything.

Then, there are the real criminals. I know, white collar crime is as real a crime as any other, but, for the sake of argument, let's say they aren't.  The gruesome twosome on GH are disgusting for so many reasons but the crimes they commit never seem to land them in the hoosegow.  Like ever. Now, I may be wrong, but they both have people who love them and stick by them and they have nice penthouses and, well, they think they have nice clothes.

Why the hell aren't they in prison for a while?  Jason the Dull- and fat- is a hitman, for God's sake.  Why does he get to walk around and hang out with the peeps at Kelly's?  He's a fucking murderer!!! And it's not like the people he killed were done so by accident- see Todd and Suede Pruitt- or via delusion- see Todd and SNV- or even crimes of passion- see every other murder. He's a cold blooded murderer for pay and everyone knows it.  Put him in fucking jail, for God's sake.  At least off my screen!!

So, if we have to look for signs of the Soap Opera Apocalypse, it's here and going strong.  It's a lawless cesspool in Port Charles and the "leads" are perpetrating them.  They're the Perps, my God, and it's clear that this should not be the case.  Look, no matter how funny I find Todd or how fascinating I find Adam or how charming and brilliant and hot I find David, they've had to pay for their crimes.  David's lost his medical license about a million times.  Todd's been in jail so often that he has his own wing.  Adam's lost everything over and over and having a snot-nose son like JR is punishment enough, if you ask me.  But, Port Charles?  Hell, it's not even the Urban Frontier.  It's too dull.  But it's lawless, all right.  

I swear, does anyone pay for their crimes anymore?  I have a sneaking suspicion that Sonny and Jason may actually have to face the music, but unless you're a big baddy, you don't pay.  Now, sometimes, I can deal with that as it makes the show more interesting with these guys on the canvas.  But, come on.  There must be something to law and order.  Without it, we don't have my favorite Bo's- as in Brady and Buchanan.  And I don't like good guys.  But, hey, how could you not love them?

Bo Brady is just, well, a doll. I can't put it any more plainly. He's still kinda cute and he's sweet and he's tough and he's smart and he's loyal....and did I say I love him?  Maybe you missed it.

How can you not love him?  He's just, well, everything that's good! And not even a little cheesey or boring.

Bo Buchanan- may he rest in peace- was spectacular. Not as cute as Bo Brady but quintessential law man. Ethical, smart, loving, caring, tough.  Just exactly who you'd want watching over your town.
 

Now, if that doesn't choke you up, you're either evil or dead.  You choose. How can you NOT love him?

Where are they now?  Well, Bo Buchanan's in soap heaven- why not bring HIM to Port Charles, ASSWIPES- and I hear Bo Brady's on his way there, as well. Sigh. I can't bear that one....................

Of course, clear the few canvases of the good guys who actually uphold the law. Who'd want that?  They have Mac on GH.  Yeah, he's nice, no offense to the actor who I'm sure is a lovely man and a caring human being, but he's a twit who's always outdone by Thusgy and Fatso the Hitman.   Sorry, I think Burton is too chunky for daytime.  When they wear black t-shirts, there's a reason.  Steroids or no, he needs a diet- or deflating.  

The Cops on Y&R don't exist- dayplayers, at best.  Where's the Jesse Hubbards- sigh- who are cool and hip and uphold the law?  GH had them back in the day- the Robert Scorpios or Shawn Donnellys?  Talk about cool and hip!!! They're gone. And, it seems, so are our shows. All that's left is low talker McBain, the neurotic.  That's not gonna work.

Sign #1 of the Soap Opera Apocalypse- Lawlessness.  Coming up next- Wars on a Global Scale.  Watch out, Fans, you're on the hot seat!!!