Them's The Facts: A Primer for GH Fans

After all these months and all the ravings, it's shocking to me that anyone doesn't get it. Really, it's shocking.  It's so obvious and still some are living in Lalaland.  Listen up kids, listen and learn.  You can figure out almost everything about soap operas with one tool. One simple tool. It's called critical thinking.  That's it. The secret- think about it!

Okay, I've seen this happen over and over and it's getting a little better, but not much.  As someone who's watched these shows, studied these shows, analyzed them, written about them,  I think I've got a handle on how they work. Don't listen, that's fine, but here's some facts for all the GH fans. I'll call it a Primer for Understanding Producerly Behavior. I know most won't listen and that's your option. But don't sit and tell me I'm wrong until you see that I am.  So, here goes, here's the story as I see it.

I've watched a Frank Valentini production for years now. I've looked at the stories and paid attention to the whatever BTS comments we've gotten. A lot of them are BS, a lot are not.  No matter the case, you need to look at it objectively- not through a slanted lens. You need to look at how he, and ABC, run a show. You need to isolate him and ABC from Frons' influence. You need, in other words, to use past behavior to predict future behavior. You need to realize this isn't the GH you knew before. And it never will be again.

So, here's some  quick tips to understanding what you're getting:

#1:  Your show is over.  That's harsh, I know, but it's true. This isn't my bias, of which I have a lot, but it's logic. Look what's been done to your lead characters.  Jason abandons his rape victim wife due to arrogance.  Sonny is clinging to a psychotic who is probably lying to him.  Carly is a chump who's getting warm and fuzzies for a man who is lying to her face and hurting those closest to her- mostly Jason and his baby and also Luke. They're being written as dumbass losers. Is that the show you've watched for over a decade? I don't think so.

#2:  There's no going back.  This is being done on purpose. There's a reason for it.  Let's use Jason as an example. He was written as someone who was not only not sympathetic from the minute these guys took over, but a serious douchebag.  He's a real dirty scum for doing this to his wife, who he presumably loves. Is that the guy you saw for over a decade? I don't think so.

Why would they do that? To annihilate the character and make people not miss him. At best. At worst, to make people want him gone.  Either way, he loses to the ever shiny halo of John McBain, who, BTW, cheats on his girlfriend, but that seems... okay? I guess so. He gets the playmate in the end, so it must be.

Jason's out at best, tarnished at worst.  It's a win-win for Valentini.  There's no going back.

#3: Valentini does what he thinks is best.  I've seen a lot of people claiming "he won't do this or that because he doesn't want to alienate any more fans".  Are you kidding me? Really? You buy that?  How can those of you that think that be so naive. He's more than happy to anger fans. It's buzz.If he drives them away, so be it. There's more where they came from.

And that's the point. He truly believes his way is best. Now, in some cases, he's right. In others,  not so much. But he won't let any fan issue stop him. He'll do it, Kids, I promise you. He ain't afraid of you. He's one tough dude. He'll cut a bitch, remember?

#4:  Valentini and ABC are not dedicated to GH, but to a show they think can work...and it ain't GH. This may be the hardest pill for GH fans to swallow but it's true. Frons was the one watching out for GH, not ABC. And Frons is gone.  Valentini has no dedication to anything but producing a show that will work. He may appreciate things about GH, but don't kid yourself.  He's not there to pay homage.He's there to make something that can succeed- to some degree.

#5: Valentini is dedicated to a show- but it's not GH.  Now, obviously, like everything else, this is my opinion. But I do usually have some reasoning behind it.  The reason I say this is because Valentini, a smart dude who knows his business, turned down a job at GH to go to PP with OLTL....are you kidding me? Now that, even to a little professor from a fly-over state, was not a smart business move. PP was DOA. Everyone could see it. So, why would a smarty pants like Frank do it?

Love. Love. Pure and simple. He loved OLTL and he was making it work and it was starting to take off and it got murdered. I truly believe this, BTW.  His heart was with that show and when it died, he went back to the GH offer but his heart ain't in it. I think he was with OLTL for his whole career- 20 some odd years.  He was going off into the unknown with her. He was dedicated to his girl and he got cut off at the knees and handed a bloated mess that was drowning in red ink and negative numbers.

You do the critical thinking this time.  Where is Frank's loyalty here?  Let's just say this- the first thing he did was bring over his people- all around.  That's all you need to know.  And, dollar to donuts, there's a helluva lot more on the way.

#7: Valentini will smile at your face and then stab you in the back.  Look at that Press Release about Burton's "exit". It was all they could do to hold back the celebratory language. Yeah, dude's gone but we have Duke. YEAH for us!! And even when they pulled it back, they posted comments from other actors about how sorry THEY were that he was leaving. Guess who's not sorry??

Ask TSJ. He'll tell you.  If you watched all that shit go down, it was word for word what happened with Burton. He was all nice and saying how great things were and then- BAM- you're out.  And it's not his fault. He loves the guy...in public.  He loves all of the GH people...in public.  But, let's get real. There are three safe actors on GH. You guess who.  That's right.  And soon there will be about seven or eight.  That's right, keep guessing.

#8: Stories appear to be going one way but they aren't- it's called "Fuckery".  And these guys love it. They love whipping people up into a frenzy and then pulling it back and saying "Psych"!!! Sorry, Codd fans, don't say you weren't warned. You have a major "Psych" coming your way as the TNB fans just shake their heads and TPTB laugh at all the trouble they've caused.

That will happen with every story. Maybe that's why people bought the sibling crap. That was the funniest shit ever. Really, ya think they're siblings?  Yeah, siblings who want to fuck the hell out of each other.  That wasn't the tease. Codd's the tease- and a bad one, at that.  Luke/Anna/Tracy- a bit of a tease as it will now be about Duke.  Robin being dead- tease. It's the patented Carlivati "gotcha" moment- without much "got" or "ya".  Just a lot of "ga", because it's so predictable.

Frank loves the angst in the fans. He loves the fights and the wars as he thinks it's buzz. It's stupid, IMO, as it's not engaging the viewers, but rather enraging them But, it's his rodeo, so he can  run it as he sees fit. As a long time viewer/critic, I don't buy into it. You can see the fuckery a mile away.  Soon, I'll write a whole piece on it. It's a tactic and, with some knowledge, hopefully one fans won't buy into. But I doubt it.

#9: Valentini's a True Believer.  He truly is. This term is one that I hear within my culture a lot. It means people who "found their way" and converted to the religion, rather than being born into it. They're "true believers", not just "Members of the Tribe", as we call it.  We see ourselves as tribal in nature. You're born into the tribe. You can't get out. If you do, you're a traitor.  A True Believer is there by choice, not birth right. The ideas brought them here- not the accident of birth.

Valentini truly believes in what he's doing. You can threaten him, you can chastise him, you can turn off his show, don't matter. He'll do it anyway. Why? Because he believes in it. I beat these guys up a lot, I know that. And I'm not a Carlivati fan, but you have to respect Valentini. He's not only tough as hell, but he believes in what he's doing.  He may be bullshit but he's bullshitting for a higher purpose.  He loves this genre, these people, and this fucking show....it's just not GH.

#10: Valentini is producing OLTL in GH's clothes.  It may be called GH, but it ain't.  GH died with Guza and JFP and the nail in the coffin will be Burton and probably Wright's departure.  Come on, Kids, you know that's coming.  Valentini may honor GH to some extent, but it ain't GH and will be less so day by day. It's OLTL- or some version thereof.

I saw someone on DD say "So, Todd's the new Jason?" OH God, no.  Then another said "Carly will be out because she's replaced by Blair".  I sighed and shook my head. Thankfully, someone set them straight and that's how I came up with this idea for this piece. They need it.  TODD IS TODD, not Jason. Blair replaces no one. She's just Blair. They aren't inhabiting GH.  They're coming to life in a new town but they are the constant. They aren't being melded into another life form. Those lifeforms are dying. The characters are simply appearing in a new locale but with the same producer, writers, music people, other actors, etc.

There is no "new" anyone. There's only "old" everyone. But it's not GH "old" people. It's OLTL's characters.  You create families for new characters that are successful on a show.  They don't have to here. The family exists already. And they're coming. You wait.  I think I hear Nu-Jack bitching already. Todd's brother and sister-in-law- briefly.  Then his sister and his kid and his wife and his nephew/son. They're coming. Maybe his niece and his brother in law, too. Who knows. But, mark my words, they're coming.

Know why? Because Valentini wants them. That's why. If you don't, oh well. That's not how it works. You're either on Team Valentini or you're off it. I'm happy, no matter how many nasty names I use, I've always been on it.  Know why? It's the winning team.  Usually. But even when it's not, it's a helluva ride.

Unless you're not a OLTL fan. Or a Howarth fan. Or a Slezak fan.  Oh well.  Sucks for the others. Yeah for us!

Next up- David Vickers. Bet on it. He's on Team Valentini, too.