The Trainwreck That Will Make Viewers Turn Away: The Two Twits, Part Two: The Revenge

Okay, so what should I send Nimnuts for all he’s given me? Should it be a membership in the Vodka of the Month Club? Or should it be a gift card to Itunes so he can watch OLTL over and over? Nah, I think he’s got both and must be using them in conjunction with one another. I can’t see him missing that show and not needing a lot of cocktails while watching it. We did, after all, see that Absolut bottle right next to his computer.  

I don’t think I can give him anything worthwhile as he’s given me so much. He’s made me into the less rich, less successful, less well known, less talented, but better looking, Kathy Griffin of daytime. And she is from the western suburbs, so there’s that connection. I wouldn’t begin to say I’m like Joan Rivers, as I could never  come close to her talent, yet she is a Jewish broad. But, I digress. 

This week, I think Nimnuts will make the bounty even richer. I hear he’s launching his new story- maybe. One full of intrigue and lust and romance and adventure. It will star his Big Fish, Roger Howarth, and will send the soap world to the edge of its seat. It will make the exquisite launches of OLTL and AMC seem silly and drab.  Here it is- are you ready for it? Well, here goes:

The Tale of the Two Francos.

Yeah, I said it. That’s what the rumor is and, I, for one, can’t be more entertained!  It takes a true moron to come up with this idea. And true morons are rare. Trust me. I teach for a living. OMG, does this retard never learn? MOVE ON!! LET GO!! 

You lost. You lost big. Your Two Todds crap is over. PP ended it in one day and we, the fans, cheered and did jigs and it was great. You were not part of it. It’s done.  But you can’t accept that, can you? Not only have you lost your story and your show, now you’ve lost  your fucking mind. 

I think your leading man is gone, too, as I see no promotion for his grand return. But, even if you have him, he’s gone as I predict massive amounts of checking out on his part. His Todd is going gangbusters on the other show so why would anyone want to see him ham it up on your crapfest? We’ve seen that. It’s not pretty. It’s cringeworthy.  

When Howarth works for a paycheck, we all lose. He’s all over the place. He, well, sucks. And, from what  I’m seeing on OLTL, he’s back to play for reals as Todd. He had one day where he hardly spoke and was spectacular. He didn’t even use props.  How ‘bout that? No duct tape or laughing at his scene partners. Just emoting and it was all great.  So, if he’s staying there and doing your shitfest, how’s that work? Maybe he’ll be spectacular on both. Maybe….and maybe not.

Now, I don’t watch GH and didn’t for years but I see that Franco is one of the worst characters ever. That is, to the fans. So, praytell, why make your Big Fish into a character everyone hates? Oh, it won’t be him, he’ll be the “other” Franco? The Franco grossly overacted by the dismal James Franco will be the fraud and this is the real one.  Okay, that makes sense. Only not. And sounds familiar.

Not Deloused

Currently Deloused

  

Oh, yeah, I see the resemblance, minus about 15 years and coloring and size and, well, you get the rest.

Hope PP hasn’t caught you playing fast and loose with those copyright laws again, Buddy, because this sounds like relish with another name but the same substance. A rapist bad boy who will be redeemed? Oh, no, not him, his twin or clone or whatever. HMMM.  Where have we seen every element of that before…Give me a minute. Oh yeah. On OLTL. And it was Todd, played by the same actor and having a daughter who I bet has the same face as this dude’s daughter. 

I can’t with these guys, really, it’s too frustrating. Tell me again it’s not an attempt at copyright infringement. Sheesh. Todd’s back and better than ever and on another show!! Get your own fucking character!! You have Luke and Laura, you Twits. And Scotty and Tracy and I could continue, but what’s the point?

You’re really not clever- just stupid. And law school must be just a dim memory- unless you went to the Nora Buchanan School of Law at LU. But I don’t think you’d get the grades for that one. She’s no shyster.

BTW, whatever happened to the guy who was the great Daniel Desario, anyway? He went from Freaks and Geeks to some good films and then caught the Stink of the Loser? Oh yeah, he went on GH. That’s it. Funny, Howarth’s delousing worked well. Seems Franco never got one. Too bad. Judd Apatow needs to work on that.

But, again, I digress. 

Good luck with your Two Francos, if they’re happening, as it’s supposedly less than a week away and I haven’t heard hide nor hair about these grand returns. I’d expect airplanes to be flying with banners and skywriters and magazine covers…and I see nothing. How will your boy save your show when it’s not being promoted? It’s odd, to say the least. And I haven’t heard the mouth that roared, Ms. Wright, exalting her new leading man. What’s the deal here? 

Is it the Tale of Two Shows? The one you write and shoot and the one that actually airs? Is it the one that is legal in your head and the one that is legal in the real world? We’ll see. But I know one thing. I won’t be watching. Even for the comedy. I have a real show back. And it’s better than ever.

Oh, and I suggest not watching to everyone else. It’s the only way to get GH back at all.  You’ll all have to be deloused but it’s possible. Worked for Howarth.